What Jesus Would Say if He Were Alive Today

Backstory:
First off, I am not a Roman Catholic - I am but a Christine in general. I think all religions are totally narly and that you should follow whichever one makes you a better person. That said, my favourite character out of the whole bunch is Jesus. Jesus was one cool cat. Simple message; love each other. The Beatitudes are sweet. It's like the Ten Commandments, but instead of being "You must do this" it's like "Here's a few good ideas... do with them what you will.

That said, I want to show you some of the things I've thought that Jesus would say and do if he were alive right now. Enjoy this both as entertainment, and as deeper meanings that apply more to today's world.

Lesson #1:
"Mine is not the way,
Mine is but the lesson.
Learn from it as best you can."

Miracle #1:
In biblical times, Jesus arrived at a celebration, and realizing the comraderie and mood, he changed water into wine.

Nowadays, if Jesus were to come upon a group of friends who were meeting together for the first time in months after going their own ways in school, college, or work, Jesus would take grass and turn it into marijuana.

For it is the spirit of things, and the manner in which they are used, that turns an intoxicant into a means of special celebration and praise.

Lesson #2:
Solemly I tell you, if I am the homeless man you are giving a quarter to, the hungry that you are serving food to, and the , then I as well am your friends that you are celebrating with. When you celebrate with them, you are celebrating with me.

Lesson #3:
"Questions are more important than answers.
A religion that provides all the answers then must not have that many important questions."

Miracle #2:
And Jesus walked up to the man who stood guilty, and said, "My brother, I do not know why it is you did this, but I forgive you."

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These are some of the thoughts that have occured to me upon thinking of Jesus. If Jesus were among us today, I would be able to walk up to him and say "Hey Jesus, what's up dawg?" "Hey Yari, how you doing?" "I'm okay. Keep chillin'." "Will do Yari. Stay cool."

Sure it sounds funny... but I think it'd be true.