Arnold's victory speech

Tank you, President Boosh. It's a really honor to be here vis you und your byooteeful vife � even if she is being a stuck-up prick teaser who von't slide her finger up the First Pussy und let me sniff it again. You know, zis is all so new und different for me, zis being elected by ze people. Az it vill be new zing for you ze next year, yah? But seriously, ven I voke up zis morning, I looked over at Maria und I said to her, "Hey Skeletor, you look like schei�e. Vy don't you make your Kennedy ass useful and polish ze Governator's cyborg pole?" Und zen she did.

You know, I am so proud to be a Republican. I know zere are some sings zat I may not agree vis ze Republican leadership on. But I know zat ze most important sing is for ve Republicans to be able to say zat ve control ze most state houses in ze country. And since Kallyfohrnia is ze biggest und most important of all ze states, I guess zat makes me ze fyooture of ze Republican party. Zat is vy I vanted to take a few minutes to explain ze new Republican positions on some of ze important issues:

GAY RIGHTS: I never understood vy so many Republicans get so vorked up over ze homos. At ze end of ze day, ze homos are not so different. Zey like to come just like I like to come. Everybody likes to come, right? Besides, I figure zat ze more guys zat are homos, zat means zey are not competition. If I'm in ze green room at ze Jay Leno show und ze only people in zere vis me are some homo und a bitch vis a sveet slice of poontang, who's going to get it? Tom Cruise or me? Me! So speaking as someone who once let Robert Mapplethorpe take pictures of me vis my ass impaled on ze spine of a Soloflex machine, I say let ze homos do zere sing, OK?

ABSTINENCE-ONLY EDUCATION: Before I became ze Governor of Kallyfohrnia, all ze top Republicans vas saying zat ze only vay for ze boys und ze girls to grow up und be successful is for zem to not be #ing each other until zey is married. Zat is such a steaming pile of ze schei�e! Look at Ahnuld! Ahnuld vas #ing hundreds und hundreds of ze broads before he vas married. I vaz even #ing ze old hairy mens for cash before I becomes ze movie star, so you see, #ing is good for ze economies! Und Ahnuld is not only a millionaire, he is also ze new star of ze Republican Party! Zat is vy next year, ven I am asked to be ze keynote speaker at ze big convention in New York City, I am going to flush all zat "family values" garbage down ze toilet und tell ze boys zat if zey really vant to be 21st century Republicans, zey had better start giving zere teachers ze serious purple-nurples on zere titties und chasing ze major hair pie!

CUTTING TAXES: If zere's one sing zat convinced me zat ze Republican Party is ze party for me, it vas ze philosophy of tax cuts for all ze people who make ze millions und billions of dollars per year. I mean, who cares if all ze schools are crumbling und ze roads are filled vis ze potholes. Anybody who is anybody is havinz zere Mexican help driving ze next generation to kindergarten in a Hummer anyvay!

In closing, I vant to tank ze good people of Kallyfohrnia for zere patience und understanding about me not having told zem squat about my plans. I hope now zat zey have heard zese details, zey are even more confident zat zey have made ze informed und rational decision.
Tank you! Und God Bless America!

Ha Ha,

good stuff colonel.

I thought that it was one of the brothers talking there for a minute, whew had we worried.

OMFG!
ROFL!!!
that is so damn funny, i bet the republicans are even laughing at that one...

Well done

"You have voted Colonel for the Way Abovet Top Secret award. You have two more votes this month."

I also voted the colonel *salutes*

This is one underappreciated post

Don't worry. I will contineu the battle against evil and make it fun while I'm doing so.

Yeah that's right you lefties keep back slapping.

Problem is someone should be slappin' your faces for your treachery to this country.

If a recent immigrant made that speech you would be kissing his butt and fighting to defend him,

but wait a minute Arnie is an immigrant what gives here?

oh, I get it he is a conservative!

that's different isn't it!

Nah, thats too complex, we just dont like him cause very right wing and unable to form coherent sentences, a bit like yourself.

that is so damn funny, i bet the republicans are even laughing at that one...

Yes, we are.....

nerd,

still as mouthy as ever.

I am tiring of your personal attacks here.

Originally posted by THENEO
nerd,

still as mouthy as ever.

I am tiring of your personal attacks here.

Lay off my party, my religion, my workplace and generally Me and i wont be forced into defensive mud slinging.

LMFAO!!! Now thats great stuff.

Lovely Colonel i didnt bother reading it all cos the first paragraph had me in stiches.

I must admit that I didn't make it up so I won't take credit. But, I thought it was appropo.

How would you sound saying the same speech Colonel?

Like I was trying to imitate AHHHNULD. (What kind of a dumbass question is that?)

Originally posted by THENEO
Yeah that's right you lefties keep back slapping.

Problem is someone should be slappin' your faces for your treachery to this country.

YOU'RE CANADIAN!!!!! Hello? Follow the good example of you're PM and take a puff. Relax.

The Neo is Canadain? THEN HE NEEDS TO SHUT THE # UP. All this time, I'm thinkin he's some kind of American. Now, to find out that he's justa wannabe American.

Originally posted by Colonel
Like I was trying to imitate AHHHNULD. (What kind of a dumbass question is that?)

LMAO!!!

OMG
how frickin funny is that
that made my day