If I was an Alien Overlord, I would...

If I was an Alien Overlord, I would...

1) Send 12 hybrid humans back to Earth infected with self-replicating nanobots to clean pollutants out of humans, making them very healthy.

2) Infiltrate the governments of the world with shape-shifting androids to facilitate processing camps, etc.

3) Hire Bill Ryan as ambassador to promise Earth of our peaceful intentions.

4) Set up food processing plants in Antarctica with the help of the Nordics and Nazis.

5) Invite the Galactic Federation to the 15,000 year Federation anniversary bash on Mars

6) Start rounding up those juicy humans.



[edit on 10-2-2006 by masqua]

Start conquering planets and enslaving populations....including earth...

What else?

Originally posted by masqua


6) Start rounding up those juicy humans.


[edit on 10-2-2006 by masqua]

I particularly like number 6. I would make half of the juicy humans look like that Shakira cutie at the top of the page and the other half look like Robert Frost.

7. I would make it so all animals could communicate with humans. Except chickens.

Most of what I would do probably violates some rule regarding content.

Let's just say Earth would be a hell of a lot more fun. :w:

i would meet george bush and tell him if he wants to be leader any longer, he has to get on his knees and clean my dirty alien shoes, while were live on national television. who would love to see bush do that eh?!

All that I know, after a lifetime of watching science-fiction movies and television shows, is that "if I were an alien overlord" , I certainly wouldn't waste my time with all sorts of global warnings such as stopping all the Earth's electrically operated equipment for an hour, or to cause freak weather disturbances as a show of strength. I'd simply destroy the Earth outright and without warning... Why would I give those irritating humans the opportunity to learn that I was totally defenseless against the amplified sound of Bjork or that I could be easily distracted by television broadcasts of "Everyone Loves Raymond" or, worse yet, that I don't have an immune defense to measles. So before I succumbed to Icelandic alternative music, Ray Romano or a bad rash, I'd simply obliterate Earth with my Galactic Destructo Beam and keep on space truckin'.

1. Raise the galactic interest rate to 43%, and sick the space-bankers on earth, for overdrafts and surcharges.

2. Cause Atlantis to rise from the plains of Kansas

3. Change crop circling policies in the UK, effective immediately: from now on, the entire field will be flattened, with the sole exception of a thin circle of grain left standing in a swirling spiral pattern.

4. Offer cold fusion to the 10 poorest nations of record, and allow them to sell electricity (and cheap biodegradeable batteries) to developed nations at whatever price they want. In exchange for allowing us to build military bases in their states.

5. Offer to manage criminals for governments at no charge. Prisoners incapable of "re-education" will be shipped permanently "off-world" to one of our "colonies" in an undisclosed location (nutrient processing facility).

6. Announce a new cost-cutting program for the UN: It is now closed. Each nation will be given a small white stone, which, when connected to a monitor, will give the world government's instructions for your nation for the upcoming quarter. The burdens of world government will be shared equally: the tax rate will be a flat 17%, and each nation will supply a similar ratio of worker-units for the "World Pyramid Project"

7. Each national capitol will be erased and replaced with a 1000-story pyramid manufactured of an alien substance called "ubersteel." Except that the number of nations will be reduced to 99. Most small nations will be annexed into larger nations for convenience.

8. I will offer free-for-life cell-phone implants for those willing to undergo the surgery. The cell-phone chip will be inserted directly into the right hand or forehead. Only those equipped with such devices will be allowed to buy, sell, or own equities or commodities.

9. The cell-phone implants will render human-made space satelites useless, paving the way for my "migraine beam" satelites, which I will direct at any nation that thwarts my will. The resultant migraine among earth females will cause fertility rates to drop below zero . . .

10. Humans who please me can still win extra minutes in one of my ubiquitous "pleasure amplificator booths" located strategically in malls, bowling alleys, and high schools planet-wide.

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