From the woman's perspective?

I should let you in on a little backstory....i am socially inept for lack of a better word.

For the last 26 years, i have been fearing and running away from what i should be embracing....relationships and social interaction.

All my life i have been the brunt of jokes, and critisizm, things of that nature, to the point that i have become so isolated within myself that i truly believe that i am destined to die alone. I feel nothing at most times..even when i should feel bad, i feel cold.

This is my problem.......

In any given time, i am more fearful and overthink every interaction with a woman.....and it only makes me look like more of a fool. A friend of mine helped me out a few years ago when he told me some very important words..

" em, what are they gonna do, say no?"

That really hit a core within me to try to be different than society has molded me to be.

I am finding it easier to talk to women at random, even hot ones!

My problem in there lies......

I fall flat when it comes to watching for "the signals"
From a woman's perspective, what things will she do to signal that she is into me? i'm sorry i'm completely illiterate on this.....friends have made situations known to me after the fact that i could not see right in front of my face.

**example-

I was staying with a friend when i moved from washington to cali........well, since we worked mostly different shifts, i saw him on weekends, and most of the week during the day...but at night, i mostly hung out with his sister...she lived there too. Now as weird as it sounds, he didn't have a problem with me spending time with his sister, he's like my bro anyway..Eventually, there was tension, we were always hangin out, and the lot...they spent some time in germany, and she was trying to teach me some german....when she blatantly spelled out, i want you to kiss me right now...

i froze.....like a jerk i played an idiot and said i didn't understand what she wrote...and it was left at that..i was soo scared....why?

second.....i was giving her a ride in my pickup, and she scooted over and put her arm around me and got real close...after a while, she moved back over to the other side of the truck....to this day, i still feel like a jerk for not doing anything. why was i so afraid of this girl? there was nothing wrong with her...i thought she was very cute...and we would have clicked great...but i was freaked.

It amazes me and irritates me to no end that i can't see the signs that a woman is interested in me right in front of my face.:bnghd:

Plz help me on this one...I know i'm a good guy, and i guess im attractive..like i really stare at myself in the mirror....


I am really lost here....I have made so many changes in my life and i have been alone for so long that i really want things to change. and only i am able to change it....mrs. perfect isn't gonna fall into my lap.

of course, guy's experience and perspective is welcome here as well, i can use all the help i can get..

trust me guys....for those of you who think that being alone for a long time is better than being in a relationship....think again. you may have money....but that's all i've got.

mod edit: do not circumvent the censors

[edit on 1-1-2006 by sanctum]

From your post it appears that you can identify when a woman is "into you" but you arent sure what to do once you realize this. My solution: get drunk and then talk to her. Haha, being drunk gives you so much more confidence, and if you get shot down, chances are that you won't even remember! I think its a good game plan.

Ready, set, break!

Speaking from personal experience when it comes to reading signals i would be better learning smoke signals :-) Ive lost count of the amount of times ive been out for a drink and friends have said "oh by the way that girl really liked you" and ive didnt have a clue.
So maybe drinking has the reverse effect for me JustAnIllusion :-P

haha, i kinda figured that would be along the lines of a first response...hehe...the only problem is....

i don't drink.

well, then i guess i'm kinda screwed then hmm?

haha, or in most cases...not.

Im beginning to think now your better to make a fool of yourself sober or not than miss an opportunity to spark something.It seems like you are able to pick up on signals so why not make a new years resolution to be forward and take that chance ? Its only through this process that you will get the self confidence to move things on.
I think sometimes we get too hungup on rejection however the drunken approach can often backfire as some girls arent too impressed with that.

thanks for your insight.....i do need to concentrate on that...

after all, what's the worst that can happen, i go home alone?...yeah, THERE'S a surpise..

I consider myself a rather funny guy, and i seem to push away from my feelings and intentions with humor, rather than be serious....how do you figure i go about really gettin down to the nitty gritty so to speak and uhh...speak up...for lack of a better term?

The thing is if you can already identify if a girl likes you then you have half the work done for you.Remember a lot is never said,ie through eye contact and body language so you can tell if a girl is showing an interest in what she see's.
As for speaking to them use the context of where you are and doing to make conversation,and use that humour of your's to your advantage.If in doubt even just saying "hi i really like you and wanted to come over and say hello" can work.However dont go steaming straight in to a crowd of girls and try a conversation,if they are interested in you they will make themselves available to you ie they might move to the edge of the group or do the typical walk past you even though the ladies restroom is in the other direction,or walk past but with just one friend.

Wow, lol, I get the opposite. I will describe in vivid detail:

They look at me with innocence as they turn their head their eyes get extremely wide, at the point of which, it looks like they will explode. Then all of the sudden, a shrill, scream. They take of running, as does every other girl in the vacinity of me. Like frankenstein came in.

Or what about this story, lol,:

They move to the edge of the table, with thoughts of how hot I am. They only see the back of my head, when they see me their eyes grow wide, they immediately sit back down and you can hear the clang of the metal table as they hit it. They start eating their noodles very fast. Putting large amounts into their mouth, then they get up from the table, throw their noodles into the trash, and jump on the table, jump off and then. they just take off, saying, "Oh my god, Oh my God, Monster!!!!"as their voice fades away into the distance, as a muffled echo bouces of the walls.

Edit: swearing


[edit on 1/2/2006 by Conspiracy Theorist06]

lol..do see a hint of sarcasm?

that's interesting though..i never thought about watching where they were walking...i'll have to keep an eye out for the subtleties.

i miss those easy...

so i'm a loser...so sue me.

I'm not a woman, so I dont know if you want my perspective or not. But this kind of thing can only be worked out through practice and going out on dates. You never really did anything wrong other than not acting on her signals. If you just be yourself as you were with her, I dont think you have anything to worry about. What you also did right is letting her set the pace, let her make the first move, its good to let a woman do this because it shows her that you dont mind her being in control. Just be yourselt like I said and I think youll be fine, she was obviously into you so you were doing great.

Lol, next thread to make on my list, "The Women Conspiracy".

Okay, wow, advice I can give, uh, um, if you are hot its great, if you are not, I hope you have a lot of money.

If you are very smart, who cares? If you are really strong but don't have a brain, then that good. Everything is opposite with women. Whoa thats a good saying. That true too. I mean think about it.

hi Kingalbrect79///

''Happy new Year''

Now, i'm guessing your young/ish
maybe in your teens or early twenties?

Just think.....what could the worse scenario be?
just think of all the 'worst' things that can happen........

She tells you to ''rack''off(and this is putting it kindly)......
or in todays wonderful style of ''language and words''
........ makes a fool of you......

Have you thought that she may in fact be shy or thinking on your way of thoughts?

Also depends on how old she may be......and her upbringing .....

if you don't do anything, then life takes you on a different path and that path may never cross you again......
but then again, we all don't know which path to take if we don't go through it.....and although it may seem the right one for the moment, you just cannot know for sure till you make that step....
hope i'm making sense!
good luck and i hope you have a happy new year in 2006!

helen
sorry if i didn't make that much sense....
first time writing in the ''relationship '' column.

well, i welcome all opinions....i'm more of a hopeless romantic i think....i'm not overly agressive...but i do like control sometimes...but then again...i have no problem moving with her pace.

i guess i'll just have to try it and find out..

thanks for the help.

Okay Im going to tell you everything I know about women and maybe youll learn something.

First Lesson: The Pincer Manuever
This tactic is best used when approaching a girl who is with her friends. To use it you need one other lame guy too. So heres how it goes down. You and your lame friend attack the group of girls from opposite angles. Your lame friend will distract the girls by talking about whats written on their shirts and make witty comments. Simultaneously you move in and engage the enem- i mean woman in conversation. Try separating her from the group while talking to her this may mean leaning on a wall thats between her and them. Remember women are basicly a hive mind, if you can separate her youll have the upper hand. Now its important to get right to the point. Dont try to be funny, there will be a time for that. Once you have her phone number or earned the privledge to hang out with them let her reunite with the group. You will instantly gain acceptance in the group. Then call your friend over. Once they see how humble you are by having such a lame friend, theyll like you even better. Now you can make jokes. Remember dont make fun of their hair, its best to let your lame freind make fun of yourself then just go with it.

Second Lesson: Signals
If a woman says "Nothings Wrong" then everthings wrong.

If you do something you dont like with her she'll do something she doesnt like with you

Thats pretty much all I know

ha ha...interesting..

i never even considered entering "the hive"...i didn't think it was safe...i always thought i'd end up losing an arm or something...

divide and conquer...oh crap...now that i think about it...i wonder if my friend in cali did that with me...:bnghd:

maybe i was the tool.

lmao.............

I'll tell you what i know briefly about women. First of all this is not information I readily give out but most people seem to already know it by heart and ignore it.

Okay first and foremost woman are people just like you. If your worried about going home alone or overly anxious to not go home alone...... you're going home alone!

second. DO NOT USE CHEESY PICKUP LINES UNLESS YOUR MAKING A JOKE.
Or shes stupid lol. Sorry couldn't resist that.

However one of the more important things i have noticed, thinking of SEX WILL mess you up more often than not, try to talk about it if it comes into your mind.


I have experiance in this because i have experiance dealing with people. Most people say I'm the wisest 20 year old they have ever met. I have had girls say i am their best friend over people the have known for years and after knowing me for months or weeks!

Oh and one thing, th HIVE mentality thing can be a blessing in disguise. Make them all laugh be a part of the group and get a friend that's gay they can save you from humiliating yourself everytime.... Almost.

Nevermind. I misspoke. Good luck with your issue.

[edit on 18-1-2006 by Dissension]

so you have been single for 26 years?????

I think the most important thing for me when I meet someone...is that they are relaxed and confident... just be yourself.... dont try to be something your not.

I think you need to get out, join a gym, get some confidence. Exercise is really good. Walking, swimming etc. You need to feel good about yourself, that is the key. So what, if your not model material or any other ideal out there. Everyone has special qualities and if you feel good about yourself, others (women) will see that. Beauty is the eye of the beholder... u just have to have that sparkle in your eye.. inner happiness

all the best