A dilema...

Well, some background.. there are 3 people in my life that I really care about.. my sister, my best friend, and my cousin. Well care in the sense that I miss them when I am away from them. All others a simple phone call, or E-Mail and I am content to keep in contact that way.

My cousin lives about 1700 miles away, my sister, about.. 10, and my best friend about 30.
So where I am now... I get to see 2 of those people.. and neither have computers/internet.

My cousin, however does have a computer and we communicate through them. However he is going through a divorce, and asked if I would come down and move in with him, he could get me a job where he works.. and it would all be good.

The problem is, I really can't decide what I want to do, stay here and continue to live with my parents at the age of 20.. (I can't live on my own with my current job, which I don't mind though). I get to see and hang out with my sister and best friend, who has been really the only true friend I've ever had, that was in no way related. And on the other side, other than the people he works with.. I am his only friend. We are both loners I guess.

I also have a cat, who I love probably more than is healthy. I was depressed and contemplating suicide in highschool, and coming home to my cat, was pretty much the only thing that kept me going for awhile.

Since my cousin dropped this bomb on me, that he's gettign divorced, and wants to have someone there with him, to help him out ect.. I really want to help him (he like me, does not have many friends, his 2 close friends live about 1000 miles, and hmm however far away hawaii is). But if I moved away, I feel like I would be abandoning the others in my life.. especially my friend and cat..My sister I think would understand a bit more.. but my friend, moved away, to new york to be exact...and after a few months, decided that he didn't like not being able to hang out with me. And my cat cause, he's getting old, and is starting to depend on me for more and more.. and me just up and leaving, I'm sure would suck for him; especially since I can't tell him anything, in a way that he would understand.

It's tearing me apart trying to decide what to do.. the thought of leaving my friend and cat, make me feel like a bastard, the thought of leaving my cousin to himself in his time of need, makes me feel like a big pile of #.. and I know whatever I decide I won't be happy :\

This is more of me venting, because I really needed to get this out, more than anything, but any outside opinions are appreciated.

I personally would not go that far out of my way to help somebody in this sort of situation. Its not exactly necessary if he just wants you to move in. You are your own person and whatever decision you make in this case will be the right one. Your cousin will get over his grief at divorce with or without your presence.

you can't take your cat?

Some things to consider...

1. Do you or your cousin have a car? If neither of you do, it's a pretty big new expense, and most places in the US, you will need one.

2. Do you have an open invite back home, if it doesn't work out? Do you have a way to get there and home?

3. Is it a good job (better than you have), and will it be enough that both of you will be able to live decently?

4. Are you taking the cat? This could limit your housing choices. (usually cats aren't a big deal though)...

5. Will you have a computer there? (or is the computer staying at home...it seems to be an important part of your life, so not something to be dismissed).

6. Is there room for growth where your cousin lives (opportunities for education, a better job, etc.) You don't want to uproot yourself for no gain...

I'm not one to tell you what to do, but hopefully I've pointed out some points to consider, to help you make the decision... Honestly, without answers to these questions...I couldn't even begin to advise....

Your friend has been without you for quite some time now, and I'm sure he would be able to live without you, things may be hard for him for a while, but he'll manage. You need your sister and cousin more than you know, and I think it'll be best if you stay where you are now. You can't handle moving right now, financially or mentally. You'll be leaving too much behind if you leave to go live with your friend. Also, he is your friend, so he should understand you if you can't go move in with him. Good Luck with everything.

Send him here: www.deltabravo.net...
and
www.deltabravo.net...
I know women need child support payment and all but your cousin needs to safeguard his half of the assests to. He can get in serious trouble if he can't keep up on support payments (read: possible jail time) so he'll want to ensure that the support payments are managable. I suggest he read the above site.
It sounds like you should go with the guy, just for the job. Give your cat to your sister or ask your parents to take care of him/her. Save up money, pat your cousin on the back from time to time (read the site), and once it all blows over decide if you want to move back withyour parents with all the cash you have or move somewhere else, with your cat.

[Edited on 22-9-2003 by ktprktpr]

Some things to consider...

1. Do you or your cousin have a car? If neither of you do, it's a pretty big new expense, and most places in the US, you will need one.

He has a car, I don't have a car.

2. Do you have an open invite back home, if it doesn't work out? Do you have a way to get there and home?

Yeah I think I'll be able to come home anytime.. but I'd have to fly down and back, so I'd have to have enough money for tickets.

3. Is it a good job (better than you have), and will it be enough that both of you will be able to live decently?

I would have a grunt job, he however just got promoted. So together we'd have enough money.

4. Are you taking the cat? This could limit your housing choices. (usually cats aren't a big deal though)...

I wouldn't take the cat.. for all his life, he's had the freedom of being able to go pretty much anywhere he wants outside. And lives in a decently big house.. from what I can tell it'd be very rare for us to even get an apt with any type of yard area...I wouldn't want to have to force him to stay locked up in a stuffy apt. the rest of his life.

5. Will you have a computer there? (or is the computer staying at home...it seems to be an important part of your life, so not something to be dismissed).

Well, yeah I'd have a computer.. not as good as this one though


6. Is there room for growth where your cousin lives (opportunities for education, a better job, etc.) You don't want to uproot yourself for no gain...

Well there are probably much better opportunities.. but honestly I really dont' think I'd like big city living compared to the type of living I am in now.. I'd say my current town is.. 20,000 or so.. and I'd be moving to probably million plus.


I've been thinking hard about it.. and honestly I think I would be less happy if I moved.. it's

He doesn't have any kids, so child custody isn't anything to worry about, I will send him to those sites though, I do feel like his wife may try and gank him for all he's worth.

Thanks for your responses

[Edited on 23-9-2003 by EWom]

[Edited on 23-9-2003 by EWom]

Hey did you decide yet?

sorry if I've missed something but is there any reason why he can't move to where you live? you could go to where he is to help him through the divorce but then after that return with him. Then you will be close to all three of the important people in your life.
If you have already mentioned something that would make this impossible to do then my apolgies and just ignore what I said.

Yeah, I decided to stay in Montana. There is a good chance he will move to Oregon, to be closer to his mom and sister. Plus he met another woman, who is in the same exact situation as him, and they and another guy all moved into a house together for awhile.

Ewom....

sort urself out first!

U can't help anyone without u being 100% ok.....

best of luck!

Gryff