Lorenzo in Ubu-Ubu Land

Ok, I couldnt think of anything to call this, hence the stupid name, it's only an introduction really so feel free to collaborate.

Lorenzo slowly opened his eyes. He was staring up at a very high ceiling with many lights, bright lights, and he could hear people moving around, lots of people he though. He was lying down on a bench, so he sat up and found himself in a massive hall which reminded him very much of an airport. He looked back at the bench and became very confused. He stared about to see what was going on and his eyes caught those of a man in uniform. He was a peculiar looking man, wearing a blue outfit much like that of a doorman to a fancy hotel. He was wearing a black belt with all sorts of gadgetry attatched to it, some of the things started swinging about as the man started walking towards Lorenzo.
"Ok hombre, off the bench."
Lorenzo was quite confused and didn't know how he should respond. He looked either side of himself in a hopless search for support, but all he could see were hundreds of benches stretching for miles in both directions with people either lying down or getting up off them. They all seemed quite confused and started walking about all directionless. There were many more blue uniformed men as he could now see who he though were ushering the confused people off the benches.
He looked up at the uniformed man, the man smiled back down at him.
"Where am I?"
"Hombre, you are dead."
"I am what?"
"Thats right hombre, you are dead. Please get off the bench. There's probably a long queue."
"A what..." Lorenzo muttered as he slowly raised himself from the bench. Standing now he noticed how short the uniformed man was. Lorenzo tried to ask a question, but the short man put an arm round his shoulder and started walking him forwards.
Suddenly there was a tumultous roar from behind the two and Lorenzo swung round to see what it was. Lorenzo was perplexed; there was another man on the bench. The man now jumped to his feet with a look of absolute horror on his face, he sreamed, "Aaaaahhhh!" Another uniformed man shouted back, "What's wrong hombre? You have the look of death in your face!" The gaurds all around burst into hysterical laughter.
After finishing his laugh the short man next to Lorenzo let out a long sigh through his wide smile,
"Whooooo... So whats your name hombre?"
The man who had screamed bolted off into the distance resuming his screaming, which slowly faded away.
"Whats? I... Lorenzo.... I'm Lorenzo. Whats going on here?"
"Lorenzo, there comes a time in life when it ends. You see you have just died. I have no idea how it happened, but judging from that uncomfortable-looking crack in your skull, you probably died from a knock to the head. Yes hombre, there are many types of dead people here, in fact you are the first head trauma I have had all day! How about that?"
Lorenzo could not beleive it. He remembered walking about, and then bam! the white light. Strangely, Lorenzo didn't feel frightened or even upset, just a little surprised.
"Surprising isn't it? One doesn't expect it when it comes, one's going about one's business, and then bam, it hits you, that white light, and the next thing you know you're on this bench, then they take you to the torture chamber for a couple years before being put into this silly uniform to get people off the benches."
"What?"
"I'm just kidding hombre, you probably wont get the uniform."
"What?"
"Haha, just kidding again."
They walked on for a bit, Lorenzo could now see the end of the hall, there were huge signs on the back wall, just like an airport, with all sorts of names and things flashing by too fast to read.
"Ok hombre, this is where I must leave you." The short man suddenly said. They stopped walking and Lorenzo looked at the man.
"What do I do now?"
"Now Lorenzo, you must go down there and wait in line."
"Wait for what?"
"To get into the land of the dead."
"Is it nice?" Lorenzo asked.
"No. The lines are always long and the ladies at the desks are unfriendly."
"No, I meant..."
"Goodbye Lorenzo, " The man cut him off, "have a good journey."
The man turned and was gone. Lorenzo stared after him as he walked away, then turned to face the lengthy queues. As he was about to start walking he heard faintly in the distance a voice shouting, "Whats wrong hombre? You have the look of death in your face!" then an outburst of tumultous laughter.

"Ookee, kun uh see yuh puhspoort?"
Lorenzo stared at the funny looking lady aver the counter. The counter was enormous and she looked like a multi-coloured gobstopper rolling about on top. She had so much make up on, and such abstract colours, like a clown Lorenzo thought.
"What?" Lorenzo replied. Behind him stretched the queue now. He had not spoken a single word to anyone while he waited, everyone seemed calm and quiet. Before the queues things were mad compared to the queues.
"Uh moost see yuh puhspoort."
"I dont.. a passport? I dont have a passport. At least..." Lorenzo searched his pockets, more as a gesture to show that he had none, but in his right trouser pocket was a tiny book. He took it out and looked at it. It was dark blue and severely weathered. He held it up to the strange lady who took it briskly and slotted it into a large brass box. She ummed and aah'd for a bit and then said, "Yuh koon pruhseed."
"Where do I go?"
"Yuh goo fuhrwoord."
Lorenzo didn't want to ask the lady any more questions so he walked on. As he passed the ladies desk he was confronted by a massive sandstone archway. It looked very out of place in the airport, especially next to the large electronic billboards with all the destinations flashing by. Lorenzo studied these a bit to find some clue as to where he should be going., but they were all flashing by far too fast, except one. Lorenzo walked forward to get a closer look. There in bold red lettering stood the words 'Through the archway, where else you idiot?'.
"Hmph, I would have expected a litle more respect for the dead." Lorenzo muttered as he walked on through. Suddeny everything was changing, the flloor became white, almost seethrough, and the walls seemed to disapear into smoke, like being in a myst. Lorenzo walked faster and became nervous, there were many people now, they looked like they were falling, scrambling to find the walls, everywhere there were people, Lorenzo looked up, the ceiling was made of clouds now, all white and fluffy. Before he had time to think, his heart was floating in his throat, he was falling! His feet just gave way, and started scrambling around. He was upside down, looking straight at the ground, all greeen with plants, he must have been a good couple kilometers in the sky and was aproaching a hard landing a a ferocious speed. Next to him he caught a glimpse of another man, petrified, falling right by his side. Lorenzo looked into his eyes, and just said, "Hello!" He could think of nothing else, the other man started screaming, wailing away as they plummeted to earth. It became brighter and Lorenzo had to narrow his eyes, soon it became too bright to keep his eyes open, so he fell forth blindly.

There were birds chirping, Lorenzo opened his eyes, he stared up into the sky, he could see one massive puffy white cloud high above, he was lying in thick grass, with daisies, daisies everywhere, Lorenzo smiled. The air seemed so fresh, so crisp, he tried to take deep breath of it, but something was wrong, he couldnt! In fact, he wasnt breathing at all. He sat up and looked at himself;
"Aah!" he yelped, no wonder he couldnt breath, he was staring at a rib cage that was empty! No flesh at all, he was bones, not even skin and bones, just a bunch of bones, a skeleton. He yelped some more and jumped to his feet. "Aah! What going on? Whats going on! Oh my God, Im dead!"
The field he stood upon was tiny, like a big bed, all around there was a city, a huge urban metropolis, and there were people, all dead, all just bones, walking around.
A man approached the yelping Lorenzo. He was a big man, he was wearing clothes, which looked strange, bones all sticking out of everywhere, his trousers were strangely fastened to his hip bone, he said in a slow drooling voice;
"Ok, follow me, I'll take you to a place to stay." He handed Lorenzo a red business card, "Take my card. My name is Ulgoff, but you can call me Uli, or Foglu, or Steve, or Jacob, you can even call me Jesus if you like, or you could call..."
"Hello follow me!" Another man interrupted as he was jogging to greet Lorenzo. This one was short and must have been skinny when he was alive, he wore extravagant clothing, shimmering purple shirt, crimson trousers, shiny yellow shoes and a massive hat with a feather, it looked like a peacock feather. This guy must have died a long time ago and never bothered changing his clothing.
"Dont listen to the fat guuuuuy. He doesn't know what he's talkin' abouuuuuut."
He spoke in an annoying, whiny Italian-American accent, like a salesperson from the Mafia.
"Come uuuuuun, follow meeeeee. I got a place to staaaay."
"Oh my... Oh my.... Oh my he's naked." There was another one, this one wore a wig, a blonde wig of frizzy, long strands, obviously made of cheap nylon. He stared at the floor, like a nervous person and swayed from side to side muttering his words as though speaking to himself. "He's naked, oh my he needs some clothes. Follow me, Naked, you can't be naked. No. Follow me."
"No, you need a place to stay. Follow me." the big man drooled.
Lorenzo looked around him, like zombies there were people now approaching him from all angles, all stagering and swaying and limping and stumbling towards Lorenzo on his little patch of grass and daisies.

[edit on 9-10-2005 by The_Modulus]