Warning - World wiped out by Nuclear Attack.

In the event of a nuclear war I would...
1. Go down to any surviving shops and stock on tobacco before I stocked up on food.
2. Buy myself one mother of a machine gun so that I could go duck shooting at the local park.
3. Put grandmother in a nursing home and give her your plastic cards (it would be useless so what the heck).
4. Use the "glow in the dark effect" from radiation fallout to grow plants and weed!!!
5. Never watch fox news again.
6. Vote Democrat in every election
7. Join a church (some serve free food)
8. Sell your pets to a Chinese Takeaway (well they do say disasters bring out the worse in people).
9. And join an animal charity so you can sell them more!
10. Tell your Jehovah Witness friends that now’s the time to get a new job.
11. Join a chess club (it saves on your PC's electricity)
12. Burry your home in mud (it protects against radiation and would be a good laugh for the weekend)
13. Find somebody with relations in France (apparently they know how to eat frogs).
14. Get a tattoo on your palm and forehead (apparently the anti Christ will put “the mark of the beast there”; so at least you can say “beat yeah!!”.

Well how's that for a disaster plan? I guess nuclear war doesn’t happen everyday but with George Bush in the Whitehouse that could soon be a thing of the past. And even if he doesn't offshore his nuclear to brief case to China, use it as a computer game or simply spill his coffee on it, the bible does say "it is coming". In fact it sounds like so much fun that I'm already searching in the telephone book for Jehovah’s Witnesses (why not practice the real thing on others before you practice it on yourself?).

Ideally I would hope to be prepared. I have water and food stored, medicine, candles and tons of water proof matches.

Realistically, if I survived the initial blast, I would get really high on some good weed and/or pain pills, and watch the new colors in the sky as I fade away...