Not comming home till dawn?

My husband has developed this new habbit. He goes out with the guys and doesnt come home till like 5 or 6 the next morning. I have a major problem with this. I tried to talk to him about it last night despite the fact that he does what he wants anyway. I got laughed at. He wanted to know if he needed to come home before midnight then. I told him that he wouldnt like it if I stayed out that late. He said he wouldnt care because he trusts me. If I was out with my friends having a good time and didnt come home till the next morning he wouldnt care because he trusts me. He asked me why I have a problem with it and I just said I thought it was wrong, but I really dont know the answer to that one. Seriously, am I out of wack wanting him to come home before like 2am?

For some added back ground on the subject. I am not a very trusting person. Actually he is the only person I do trust. He is usually a great guy. For the past month, oh id say 5 out of the 7 days he sits infront of the xbox with our neighbor playing starwars till usually 10 once untill 6am. We have 3 kids 2, 6, and 8. SO obviously that stresses me out. And once again I said something about it and he agreed, but that night he was at it again. He went out the weekend before last and the only reason he was home by 5:15 was because I called him a little past 4 I was getting sick and it was waking up the baby (I had a bad case of the flu that weekend). Now, he has this night time golf tourniment and he is going out after with a good chance of not being home till after 5 Am I wrong, if not whats a girl to do?

well mrsdudara, it does seem a little unfair to me for him to keep coming in late at night, ok a couple of days a week's not too bad but my Girl would freak if i was doing that all the time and i think shed have good reason!

we all know a healthy relationship is built on trust but it also needs both parties to be considerate towards each others feelings.

Dont really think ive got any advice to offer you but i wouldnt keep putting up with it for too long, it only brews more problems.

hope it goes ok for you?

Regards.

Thanks optimus.

I guess I just dont understand what he is doing that whole time. Bars close at 1:30. I know he likes to go to the boats, but for 4 hrs?

[edit on 9-9-2005 by mrsdudara]

If youve got children thats really unfair.....a lot of the business i do involves me drinking stupid amounts of alcohol with certain people, they always invite my girl along and i dont have a problem with that, sometimes im away and she doesnt like it but she knows its my job, my business, she knew that when we got together.

It sounds like youve totally got your hands full, i dont think alot of men understand that being a mother is a full time occupation.

I thanked my mum recentley at the age of 30 for doing such a good job with me and my brother and sister, my dad worked a lot and wasnt there much when we were kids but he never forgot to spend time with my mum and us when he had the chance.

I'd put your foot down, good luck!

big hug.

I don't think you are being unreasonable in asking him to come home before 5 or 6 in the morning. Sure, if this were an irregular, once or twice a month thing, it would be fine, since he obviously enjoys going out with his friends. But for it to happen on a regular basis is somewhat worrying.

Honestly, from all that you have said, it just sounds as though your husband might be a little bored. Sometimes guys just want to spend time with their mates and it can be very easy to fall into a pattern of going out and hanging out with your mates until the wee hours of the morning.

I don't think you should be worried about infidelity, since you say you trust him and it seems as though he is spending most of his time with his friends, rather than with other women. I went through a phase about a year ago where I started spending more time with my friends than I did with my wife, to the point where I realised I was basically being a jerk and not taking care of my priorities at home. If he doesn't come to the same realisation soon, then I would consider talking to him about the problem. Don't accuse him of anything or he'll just get defensive. Chances are he's probably just a little bored with the routines of his life and wants to spend a little time being one of the boys again, so to speak.

I'm not trying to add to your concerns about this situation Mrs D, but one night of that would have enough for me. You two have 3 kids, he should be more involved in your family life and helping you in the evenings instead of "bar hopping". Have you noticed any other odd behavior? hiding cell phone? hiding credit card statements? anything else that is setting off your alarms.

Since you've tried to get serious with him and were brushed off, you need to throw a major tantrum and tell him you want marriage counselling immediately if he doesn't change his nightly behavior, maybe that will scare him into shaping up.

be strong Mrs. D and i'm here for you if you need to vent on a more personal level.

Originally posted by worldwatcher
I'm not trying to add to your concerns about this situation Mrs D, but one night of that would have enough for me. You two have 3 kids, he should be more involved in your family life and helping you in the evenings instead of "bar hopping". Have you noticed any other odd behavior? hiding cell phone? hiding credit card statements? anything else that is setting off your alarms.

Since you've tried to get serious with him and were brushed off, you need to throw a major tantrum and tell him you want marriage counselling immediately if he doesn't change his nightly behavior, maybe that will scare him into shaping up.

be strong Mrs. D and i'm here for you if you need to vent on a more personal level.

Good lord, worldwatcher. Remind me never to cross you. You seem to think that our wayward gentleman is up to more than just bar hopping. From a male perspective, it seems as though he's just bored, but you think there might be something more to it?

Well, we talked it over and everything is going to be all right. He wont stay out that late tonight or any other night. He is going to his tourniment and I am happy that he is going because it sounds like fun. He understands where I am comming from though so he agreed that we need to get back in sync. Thank you all for your help.

i did reply but then i saw that you replyed and everything is working out,

oni x x

[edit on 10-9-2005 by Oni x x]

I'm glad to see you guys have worked around the problem and resolved the issue...

My best friend's girlfriend has been doing the exact same thing with increasing regularity...Except, she just goes to the bars and gets snockered up and then drives home with 4 of her friends and makes a ruckus at 4 in the morning before a workday....

He got fed up with it last night when she stumbled in the door...She got an earful from him, then when she was late for work (a family owned business), her mother chewed her out and praised my buddy for trying to do all he could to keep her on track...

These are twenty-somthings kids about to get married next May...I see some very similar ties here to your situation, and I can only hope for my friends sake that they work these kinks out before they make the big commitment...

I mean - I don't wanna pay for an expensive suit I'm not gonna wear...

It is not the same circumstances but this is how I handled this one.

Years ago...when seeing a woman with teenage kids..I used to do alot of honey doos for her rationalizing that she needed help as she had kids and limited resources.
I soon found myself doing alot of repairs to her house and car. At times it became a regular pattern as someone with kids usually has more repair issues than repaired.
What began to irritate me was that on the jobs which took some time,labors and moneys she would often get calls from her girlfriends and take off for three or four hours at a time. Here I found myself paying for repairs on a place which wasnt mine..often her automobile too...and she is off styling and profiling with her girlfriend. Not taking care of me while I am taking care of her. When I mentioned this to her she played it off. No problem.!!
One day..she did it again while I was in the midst of repairing a leak on her garbage disposal. After she had left with her friend..I left the disposal still dissassembled and went fishing ...afterwords I caught a movie and went home. She got someone else to finish the repair.
She is a bit slow...the next time I left her automobile in a state of disassembly and went to the gun club where I am a member.
Obviously we didnt last long after that . I began to realize that her philosophy justified that this is what men are for. After all ..your sleeping with them ..what more could a man want. I learned to call this trend "high maintnence."
My point is ..it happens to guys too. You just dont hear about it much. Many men are loath to admit this happens to them.

Thanks,
Orangetom

My fiancee will occasionally go out, and not even leave until almost midnight. She tells me the parties there don't even start until 1130 or so, and she's been out till almost afternoon time. It really freaks me out when she does it, but we were able to work it out, and if there's a party she'll ask me if I'm ok with her going, and if I ask her to stay home then she usually does.