A Guide To Psychotic Parenting

Before I go on I just want to say this topic is meant to be humorous and the things mentioned should NOT be tried in real life. This is more a joke that parents can relate to. I'll add the first installment. Feel free to contribute.

"Teaching your kids to like your food"

As some of you know it is a nightmare to get your kids to agree on the food you make. If you have more than one kid it becomes more difficult. How do you compete with the likes of McDonalds? I have the solution...

Make bad meals.

Yes. Make things you know the kids won't like. Be sure to include alot of onions and mushrooms. The more veggies the better. Make the meals visually unpleasing to the eye. This will be hard on you too but you will benefit in the long run.

After choking down the likes of liver & onions, stew & the like the kids will be thrilled when you return to your more normal schedule. Normal dinners will appear more like a treat. You'll hear less complaining for fear of returning to the experimental meals. If your kids decide not to eat the experimental food you will end up saving alot of money on your grocery bill wich will be a win situation for you.

This'll teach 'em !!!! lol



Misfit

The story from Ohio about 8 kids in cages brings me to the next installment. "Duct Tape & You" Find out how this common household item can keep the batteries in the back of your remote control and how it can also bring some quiet to your house as well.

The need for duct tape starts at two kids. By the time you have 8 you graduate to cages. If you've ever had 8 kids running around your house I guarantee you cages has crossed your mind. Either for you or them. Its fine either way.

Tired of your kids whining that they don't have the newest doll, or the best skateboard on the block? Obviously your kids have more toys than they know what to do with.

Now every time they complain that there's nothing to do, or they complain about wanting a new toy, take one of their existing toys away. It's best to do this in a dramatic fashion. You might want to get a big bucket and write the words "TRASH" on it in large letters. Make a big display about throwing stuff out and proclaim loudly that you are trashing their toys since the don't seem to be happy with them. Don't really throw the toys out. I'll explain in a sec. what to do with them.

Eventually your kids will realize that they have few toys left so they better enjoy them. Or at least pretend to enjoy them. Now here's the best part. On birthdays and Christmas. Rummage through the toy trash can and find them some "new" gifts. There are several huge benefits to this method.

#1 You already know they like this toy so you don't have to ask them what they want for a present.

#2 You don't have to go out and buy more toys so you'll save a lot of cash.

#3 When they see their beloved toy come back from the trash, they will be so overjoyed to have it back that they'll most likely spend hours playing with it. (At least for a day, then you can trash it again)

Use the extra cash you made to buy more vegetables. This helps enforce the meal-time strategy as mentioned earlier.

[edit on 13-9-2005 by dbates]