Heart break

I have been trying to ask this girl out for a couple of years now. I have given hints, tried to be the best friend I could be to her, and after asking for help right here on BTS I just got up and asked her out. Well at the time she said she would "Think about it." I had waited for a while, being very patient. I really believe I had feelings for her and would have done anything for her.

On the way home from school today I heard the girl talking to one of her friends. I found out that she had been dating this thirty year old guy for a year and was now engaged to him. She is only eighteen and is with a guy that is over twelve years older then her.

What really makes it hurt the most is that she did not tell me. I asked her out less then two months ago!!! I feel betrayed, especially since she had been my friend even before I felt anything for her.

hey dude...

listen...dont worry about a thing....a lot of women go out with older guys, especially when there a young age like 18, its kind of like when your dad lends you his sports car and you want to cruise around showing everyone how cool you are and grown up.

she probably didnt tell you because of how youd feel, best way to deal with the situation is just tell her that you wish she mentioned it to you, then make a joke about it....something like ....can i pen in a date with you when im 30?.....if you like this girl as a friend you cant really blame her for not wanting to go out with you...be tough and have a nice chat with her when you see her next.....its only a game anyways.

good luck dude...and cheer up.

Regards.

First off I think you must be very young or at least think like a youth. Nothing wrong with youth ..you just havent matured enough to think and rationallize outside of your obviously provincial pattern.
First off..I have dated older women most of my life and enjoy thier company much better than the women younger than myself or in the same age bracket. Most older women have made enough mistakes to realize that their may be something wrong with thier thinking process and make adjustments. They have matured enough to realize that they are not sitting on the only one in town...as the olde woman taught me.
Younger women often find the trying out antics and immaturity of men their own age and younger very unsettling. They have a desire for something more settled and mature...ie ...confidence. Not the appearence of confidence passed off as wildlife. This is a small and growing number of women. Confidence ..verses the appearence of confidence is a huge draw to a woman...any woman. Most young men are still working at being men..though they can go down to the local store in many states and buy beer. Real manhood like womanhood cannot be bought in a spray can or a squeeze tube. It takes commitment ...and work..ie...risk. Most women do not want to take that much risk ..even at womanhood if the rewards are not high enough.
I suggest to you that this woman knows the difference..or at least senses the difference.
One more thing...you are hurt ....understandable..but ask yourself ..what does this woman really owe you?? Did you mark her out as territory..by raising your leg and marking out your spot..such that she owes you something?? She was civil to you ..what more does she owe you ..??? Are you thinking like some women ..that you are sitting on the only one in town and she owes you?? That you get to play through like at some golf course?? This is how many women think. Not all but alot of them. Dont carry on like some woman. If you carry on like this and she senses it..I can see why she doesnt want to go out with you. Men need to learn to take rejection ...you are going to be subject to rejection more and more as you grow older. Get accustomed to it. In the work place as well as in relationships ...dont expect makeovers for second place.
Get over this woman...go find another one...find several...this woman is not sitting on the only one in town. Above all...change your thinking ..grow a hard bark. Grow up. Get accustomed to being turned down by women..its a fact of life. If you get accustomed to being turned down ..sooner or later you will change your thinking and then behavior. If you can think!!!???
There is much more to what is happening here but I wont go into the details as I am sure what I have posted is unsettling enough to your countenance.

Thanks,
Orangetom

Man, that sucks...

The good news though, is that she's probably a skank, and it's a good thing you avoided this one.... 18 and dating a guy that much her senior? Clearly her head probably isn't quite on right....

She obviously doesn't care much about your feelings either...

Too bad she's not a year younger. You could have anonymously called up her dad, claimed to be this guy's son, and say you're concerned that your pop is dating a minor, and then let her dad take care of it, but I guess that ship has sailed....

Well, it made ME feel better when I was in a similar situation, hehe....

if you like this girl as a friend you cant really blame her for not wanting to go out with you

No, but you can blame her for not being honest with you, who is supposedly her friend, before stomping all over your heart.... Good riddance to bad rubbish friend. You're better off without her, and you really dodged a bullet there....

Sorry, but as you can tell, I rarely sugar-coat things in this forum, hehe...

[edit on 30-9-2005 by Gazrok]

Awww.... I'm sorry, thats a rough one, My other half went through a very similar circumstance when he was your age,he fell hard for a chick and was a good friend never made the move and she wound up dating one of his friends. They probably wouldve gotten married from the stories he tell s me.

Just so you know, guys like you will always get the girls in the end. At least the ones you would want to spend any length of time with...
Cheer up, it'll take you awhile and it'll hurt like hell for awhile, but you'll look back, see her and go, WTF was I thinking?...

Cheer up, it'll take you awhile and it'll hurt like hell for awhile, but you'll look back, see her and go, WTF was I thinking?...

From someone who's been in almost the exact same situation, I can tell you this is exactly what I wonder, looking back on it.... WTF was I thinking????

Try being dumped by your high school, college fiance while joining the service over 30 years ago, and continually carrying the torch all these years. That is true heartbreak, and love.

We have finally in just the last few months communicated by email after getting in touch over at classmates.com

A couple of months ago we had lunch together. What a strange experience. It turned out she admitted messing up long ago, and I admitted my mistake of when getting out of the service not coming after her.

We "love" each other, but will never be together. That is heartbreak.

Man, that sucks. Heartbreak when you're young aint a cool thing. One has hang-ups for weeks, months even. My advice: go on a porn binge, it always helps with these things.
Porn Stars aren't recognised for the ways in which they help people, Im sure there are countless guys out there who have been carried through rough times in their lives by porn. Loneliness, heartbreak, they're always there for you, just a mouse click away.

In all seriousness, monday morning you will look around feeling like you have been to the crossroads and back. Been there, done that, got the magazine. You will look at that girl and think "pfft, her?"...



PS. this does not nececarilly mean that I have had personal experience with this...aah, just... just to clear that up.

Modulus,

Heartbreak at a young age, you have NO idea.
Hang ups for weeks or months, try YEARS, buddy.

Draiden, Im going ot have to agree with everyone else here, just try to forget about her. If she didn't tell you abuot this other guy, she clearly doensn't care. I know it might be hard, but just try to move on.

--Kit.