my friends problem, i need help.

ok i have known this boy Jake* for 7 years, he was the lil *rude* boy and all the boys looked up to him and all the girls wanted him.

we talked but we were not friends, and i didnt see him since we left in year 11. its now two years on and i saw him in a night club and my mate Emzy liked him and he liked her so i thought be nice if they went out. love and sweet for the firt 6 months, (they have been together for.....9 months now)

but lately they have been arguing and i was staying around her auntie's and they started fighting about 4 in the morning and they were both getting in each others faces and he pushed her, i would of helped stop the fight but Emzy has a lil cousin and he has a mental problem where he flips and attackes anyone around him, i had to get him down stairs and he started crying (he is 11) and i had to drag him down stairs with him flying punches and locked him in the front room with me.

things carmed down then i heard Emzy scream and had to help her and i made sure the lil boy was in the front room and John had her around the neck. the problem was i tryed to carm Jake* down. but the problem was the lil boy had followed and seen Jake* grab Emzy, so he went for Jake* with a knife, i had to get the lil boy and get the knife off him. the boy was in pain because he was so angry that he couldnt protect her, he was screaming at me to let him go. all i could do was lock the lil boy in the back garden and grab Jake* and chuck him out of the house.

this is so hard for me to say because the stupid girl went back to him.

this was 1 month ago.

last night it happend again because he broke her parents door and kicked Emzy, this may not be relavent but he broke her 2 new phones and they have been together 24/7 for the past month and he is accusing her of cheating he is a very jealous man.

get this he is even scared because he thinks Emzy might turn a lesbian and get off with me!!

she left him last night but she allowed him to stay in her parent house after he trashed it and now she said its over.

but i know she will let him back and i am scared for her. and this is the best bit he wants a baby with her! and they both wont listern to sense! she is doing it to keep him happy.

oh yeah she is 16.

i have had this in my head for such a long time, i have had her talk to people to surport her but she always takes him back.
i dont know what i can do anymore because she asks for my opinion but she never takes my advice,

please can you help me to help her.

cheers all

oni x x

Does this girl have any brothers? The guy needs done in. Godfather style.

What you really need to do is convince her to leave the guy, which unfortunately, might be very difficult if she's really fallen for him. The sad truth is he will never change, and she's in danger as long as she's still with him.

Having just left a ghetto community school in South London( finished yr 11), I've seen things like this from the outside several times.

The "Rudeboys" go round acting like pricks all the time, yet somehow are the most popular among guys and girls. Somehow the biggest, most violent agressive, and often criminal pricks are always the ones with the most girls/longest relationships.

I have also from observation noticd that there is are ways to beat the rudeboys: Show resistance. Most of the time even the slightest resistance will make a rudeboy give up, particularly the lone rudeboy. Their strength is in numbers, alone they can be easily dealt with.


We can only hope Emzy will listen to your persuasion and get out of the rut of denial she must be in that he is still a good guy.

Then I would advise Emzy, with you as backup probably, shows consistant resistance to Jakes threats and violence. She should not be afraid to even slap him if it has to come to it.
Its the only way, otherwise these guys just think everyone will go round doing everything they say and just putting up with their behaviour.

Stories like this always make me sad. Nice girl ends up with scumbag guy, turns into one of his hoes, has no respect from anyone,is treated badly by him, yet still stays with him. Emzy has my sympathy, as do you.

BTW, where in britain is this Oni?

Minimi

i live in the out skirts of london.

after i wrote this thread she told me she had left him for good but i rang her mobile and Jake* answered! she told me she would allow him to get his clothes but not allow him to come in, but obviously he got in again!

i dont know what i can do because this will happen next week again like it has the last 3 months.
it the same thing every week though, she txt's me to come up, then 5 minutes later she says dont then 20 minutes later she tell's me they have broken up. its the way. always the way.

na she doesnt have brohers but she is scared of him, but to make it worse she is keeping it from her mother. her mother was beaten by her father so Emzy is scared even more by this fact.

but silly girl in LUST not LOVE.

and she wants to leave him but he wont go and he always calls her and goes to her house to try and get back in, but i can see it happening and i cant do anything about it.

i dont know what to do.

oni x x

Tell her mother!

At first you'll look like your interfering, but your friend will thank you in the long run.

She may be 16 and think she knows what she is doing but she doesnt, at least if her mother knew she would be able to talk to her about it!

Or if he physicaly abuses her.....phone the police, the police dont take very kindley to domestic violence and im sure he'll think twice about doing it again once they've had a quite word with him!

My mother was beaten when i was a child and she phoned the police, they took her ex round the back of the pub and had a 'Quiet Word' with him.....he never raised his hands to her again, in fact the roles reversed and she started hitting him.....lol

Mic

I have to agree with MickeyDee, her mother needs to know about this. Then her mother needs to go to the police and take out a restraining order so she can have him picked up if he comes to the house.

If you aren't comfortable doing this, maybe your mom or asala might be willing to be a go between for you and her mother.

She may be angry with you for a while but this is important. Men like this DO NOT change, no matter how often they say they will. Eventually he will start to isolate her from her friends and family so he can have more control over her. It sounds like it is already starting, from the lesbian comment you made.

Most women in abusive relationships have some self-esteem issues and are worried nobody else will ever love them. They need a lot of support from friends and family to keep them strong and help them see that they don't deserve to be treated this way.

Even if it means hurting the friendship, tell her mother, because he will seperate the two of you eventually anyways.

This is the voice of experience talking.

if i was in your position i would say the same.
her mother is a lovely lady and she has been through so much.
i know i have to tell her, but i want Emzy to be there andhopefully tell her mother for herself.

but i will be their for her no matter what.

oni x x

Emzy is lucky to have a friend like you.

aww so lovely Duzey.

i said to Emzy that i would tell her mother if they argue again, they argued and she begged me not to tell her mother.

i didnt but i gave her advice and what will happen in the future if he is still the same. she plucked up the courage to kick him out of the house and his clothes out of the window. and told him not to come back.

hopefully it stays that way, but she was there for me yesterday when i needed her because a personal phone call came through and she then relised how hard it was to look after someone.

she's fine im fine so hopefully it will stay this way. but i dont hold and hopes but i can always wish.

oni x x

Duzey, you come up with some perfect comments. If only i was such a good complimenter.

Good to hear things are on the up Oni,particularly the kicking out the house, Emzy showing she'll do what she says she will. Maybe you'll be able to avoid the potental damage telling her mum behind her back may do.

And as Mickey says, any violence from Jake, get the Police in. Borstal sounds like the place for this guy.

From Croydon

Minimi

Awww, shucks..... *blushes*

I just don't think anyone can ever get enough compliments. We are so quick to jump when something is wrong, but silent when it is right.

And just to touch on what minimi said, if it does come down to telling her mom, do not go behind Emzy's back. Tell Emzy straight out this is what is going to happen if you don't stop, it may help her stay strong.

Glad to hear she kicked him out.

But I am sorry to hear that you received such sad news, Oni x x.

[edit on 21-7-2005 by Duzey]

cheers Duzey, i made a poem for my ex who commited sucide, we resently split but were very good friends.
just thought i would share this poem with you all.

www.belowtopsecret.com...


thought i would share this with you guys because you helped me talk my friend around before it was to late. so that i thank you all!

ni x x

That's a lovely poem Oni x x.

I'm sorry to hear that your friend has passed on. *cyberhug*

PS minimi that was a very nice compliment that you gave me. You're better at it than you think.