Comic Relief

An American reporter, picking his way through the bombed streets of Baghdad, stumbled across the Iraqi Minister of Information, Saeed al-Sahaf, who was finishing off a cheeseburger in a deli.

Reporter:
Well, hello, Mr. al-Sahaf.

Al-Sahaf:
Hello, imperialistic infidel dog.

Reporter:
Looks like quite a cheeseburger you have there.

The Iraqi Minister of Information quickly ate the last of his meal.

Al-Sahaf:
You evil American snake. Your ignorance will lead you to a horrible, screaming death in the sand. That was not a cheeseburger.

Reporter:
It wasn't?

Al-Sahaf:
No, fool, it was not. There are no cheeseburgers in Baghdad.

Reporter:
All right then. Sir, I was wondering if I could ask you what you plan to do after the Americans finish taking over Baghdad.

Al-Sahaf:
There are no Americans in Baghdad. It is an illusion conjured up by the Great Satan. The Americans are not even 100 miles from here. They are all committing suicide in the desert, to escape the shame and embarrassment of having been duped by their tyrannical cowboy leaders into believing that they were worthy of even standing in shock and awe before the gates of our mighty city, let alone attempting a cowardly approach with their tanks, which we repelled. All of their tanks have been destroyed.

The ground shook, and an American M-1 Abrams tank thundered past the front door of the deli, pausing briefly to fire off a shell.

Al-Sahaf:
That was an Iraqi tank.

Reporter:
But it had an American flag on it.

Al-Sahaf:
There was no American flag on that tank.

Reporter:
I saw it right on the side, right under the spray-painted sign that said "Kiss This, Saddam."

Al-Sahaf:
That was the noble Iraqi soldier's message of love to his president.

Reporter:
In English?

Al-Sahaf:
It was in Arabic.

Reporter:
But I read it in English.

Al-Sahaf:
You are a true fool if you believe that an Iraqi soldier would write a message to his president in English.

Reporter:
But...

Al-Sahaf:
It is all lies upon lies upon lies. The ignorant blood-sucking criminals who call themselves Americans, who booby-trap pens and pencils and throw them into the villages where children can find them, cannot see the truth before their eyes, and you, as reporters, who are charged with seeking the truth, and who instead spread the lies of the heretical American pencil-booby-trappers, are the worst of all.

Reporter:
We are?

Al-Sahaf:
You lying curs have written that the Americans have taken and renamed Saddam International Airport, calling it now Baghdad International. However, the highway signs still say Saddam International, and YahooMaps still has it listed under its true name. Do you see? If it were true, these things would have been changed. Yet you report this blasphemous propaganda. For your lies, God shall boil your eyeballs in chemicals.

Reporter:
That reminds me; a 101st Airborne division found some chemical drums the other day...

Al-Sahaf:
They did not.

Reporter:
... and field tests indicated the presence of sarin and tabun, which as you know are nerve agents...

Al-Sahaf:
They are not.

Reporter:
... and they're going to do some more tests to confirm what they've found, to make sure it's not just another false alarm...

Al-Sahaf:
It is not.

Reporter:
... and I was wondering if you'd want to comment ... wait, did you just say it's not a false alarm?

Al-Sahaf:
I did not.

The reporter paused.

Reporter:
The sun will rise in the morning.

Al-Sahaf:
It will not. It has not risen over Baghdad in centuries. That is a Zionist-imperialist lie, and you will go to hell for it.

Reporter:
All right. So what are you going to do after the war?

Al-Sahaf hesitated, and looked over his shoulder before answering.

Al-Sahaf:
I am going to stick with politics!

-----------------------------------

That was funny..

Best part:

Reporter:
The sun will rise in the morning.

Al-Sahaf:
It will not. It has not risen over Baghdad in centuries. That is a Zionist-imperialist lie, and you will go to hell for it.

Yeah I know it was classic.

gee.....i dont have much to say.......