(ACSS) I am a man now

Wind swept hair, dirty and knoted, a cool wind blows in stark contrast to the sweaty palms at my side. I stand naked before you Father, Grandfather, Brothers and all the men of our village, a boy now but I am ready, ready for my test, tonight a man I will become. I am not scared, I am strong, I know whats coming. Like you Father, Grandfather, and all those that came before us I will pass this test and tonight a man i will become. You watch, you wait, let the gods hear me, I am not scared.

I know whats coming, I'm not scared, when my brother Luka took his test I peeked, from around the corner, behind the old mans hut I watched, I am strong, I'm not scared. Let the gods hear me. He stuck his hand in the fire that tells no lie, he held the burning embers, he did not cry. I smelled his flesh burn, but he did the deed, and he showed he was strong. He stood before all of you, naked and unafraid, he stuck his hand in the fire that tells no lie.

When it came time to peirce my brothers flesh, I saw, I was peeking, the long bone, the needle, each of the new men of the village were to pierce his body. He stood strong, but after the second wound, he wimpered, and I saw you, Father, get angry. Don't worry, I am strong, I will not emberrass, I will not do wrong. Tonight a man I will become, I am not scared, let the gods hear me, I am ready, ready to be a man.

I watched when the virgins danced, to tease, to tempt, my brother stood firm. Did he become arroused? I could not see, from around the corner I peeked, I stared, but his back was towards me, and I did not see. But no worry Father, Grandfather, Elders, I am a boy now but tonight a man I become, you wait, you'll see, let the gods hear me. No sly tricks by the women will tempt me.

Into the fire that tells no lie I stick my hand, grab the coals, the embers, oh I hurt, but you see father I did not cry. Oh I hurt, but I did it, you see, let the gods hear, tonight a man I will be. Are you proud Father, did I do it right? Take me on to whats next, I'm not scared, I peeked when Luka took his test, I know what coming, I am ready, you'll see.

All the new men of the village take their shot, Luka first, to peirce my body with the bone, the needle. Oh Mother, oh Father, I hurt, the first two wounds I could take, my hand, my foot, but to pierce my side, and my neck, oh I hurt. But never you mind that, I did not cry, I did not wimper, I did it right. Tonight a man I will become, I'm just a boy but you watch, you'll see. Did I make you proud Father, let the gods hear, I am becoming a man, I am strong, is Grandfather pleased?

Now I stand before the dancers, all gathered in a circle. I stand before the virgins and I am naked but unafraid, I will not be tempted, I will not be swayed. For I know a decent wife you will pick for me Father. I see the girls I used to chase and whom I used to play, I'm not ashamed, tonight a man I will become. But then I see you Sedca, your body, your glances, your smile. I stand before you with my parts, my penis exposed, I try not to get arroused, you'll see, tonight a man I will be. I focus on all things but you Sedca, fire and cuts were easier to take. I will not be distracted by you virgins that prance, you will not tempt me with that dance. There you see, I did not break, I did not embarress you Father, tonight a man I will be. Let the gods hear me, and let them guide my father to choose Sedca for me if they have any mercy, never you mind that, tonight a man I will be.

I have passed my test, a man I have become, I was not scared. Let the gods hear me, I did it right, I did not shame my family. Now when one year has passed and I am ready, teach me to carve, to tell the stories, in the oak posts for all to see. I want to tell all the boys, I want to share, let them know not to be scared, they can pass the test. I had luka, let my story be Luka to boys that come next, give them a glimpse, know what to expect. i will carve apon the oak posts and all will know, I am a man now, I was not scared, I did not cry. Are you proud Father, I am a man now.

Excellant story my friend and welcome to the competition. You're up against some mighty fine writers here and I honestly have sympathy for the judges who must sort this all out.

Good luck come Wednesday.

Love and light,

Wupy

Great writing and imagination. Almost a "song" of a real primitive man. I believed it.

Totally different concept. The story is first person, but a reflective storytelling narrator is the subject. The topic of the progression from boyhood to manhood was a fantastic idea, very well chosen. I can’t help but shake the feeling that this is in fact your Bar Mitzvah story, told to us. I lost you a bit at the end, with the oaks, but a fantastic job all around.

Flows really good. Very deep. Took me to the place of the youn man's "Passage". A good story of ancient rituals.

sampling of the critique

[edit on 5-12-2005 by worldwatcher]

"lookingForTruth"...your poem was GREAT... it was FIRST on my personal TOP 5

Great story, taking a very different approach to the contest than I did certainly. This seemed to be a very personal tale, where the others I've read so far (no, I haven't gotten through them all yet) have been more about others' interactions. This was up-close and personal inside the mind of the subject. Very cool, and a very worthy entry.

"LookingforTruth"...i just loved both your stories...well story and poem... My personal TOP 5 had your "I AM MAN" in first place and A POEM TO THE ANCIENT in 3rd... you got a fan ...

Thank you all for taking time to let me know how you felt. This is the first time I've ever written anything and posted it publicly, so the good reviews I recieved from everyone were much appreciated. Thank you so much.