He Had and It Has , page 1

It was Tuesday morning and to the mind of Rick Zunkle a good day to have a job , well, any day was a good day to have a job as he had spent so many of them without one. Yet, today it was really good because it was raining hard with enough of a strong wind to blow the heavy drops pattering against the windowpanes of the shop. Yes, it was good to be inside, good, and better for being paid for it.

This job had come to him from a government program designed to find employment for homeless veterans with various skill sets and , fortunately for him, his meshed nicely with the requirements for the job. The company, ‘’Westbrook Metal Recycling’’ specialized in breaking into parts large metal constructs in preparation for further procedures in the metal recycling process.

The project Rick had been on for over two weeks was the destruction of over two hundred used street corner maiboxes. The Westbrook city council had voted to remove them from street corners around the city as they were now dramatically under-utilized and a city drive for ‘’beautification’’ found that those street corners would be of more use being repurposed. So here he was, blow torch in hand burning open old metal boxes one after another after another.

He had established a pattern for himself. First he would burn off the rounded top section and set it aside. He would then burn down one corner of the rectangular box, then the next corner then the next. After the next corner was burnt though he would take the four sides and stack them neatly on a four by four pallet. He would then repeat the same process on a second box, again stacking the four sides on top of the first four sides at which point he would get back to the two rounded tops and burn them apart as well. These pieces were smaller and were placed on top of the two previous piles of metal parts.

He would then take the industrial strapping tool and run a long metal strap though the center of the pallet pulling the two ends of the strap across the top of the pile and cinch down the entire pallet tightly for secure transport. This morning he was nearing completion of his fifth pallet as lunchtime drew near so hurrying to finish his final two tops he noticed a white envelope stuck between the iron frame and the thinner metal siding. He pulled it loose, stuck it in his pocket and then, completing the last pallet of the morning headed off for his lunch.

Sitting alone and opening the first of two baloney sandwiches he had picked up from ‘’Ruth’s Corner Deli’’ on his way to work that morning a crinkling sound from his pocket reminded him of the envelope he had absentmindedly put there. He reached in, grabbed it and looked it over. Sure enough he thought taking his first bite of baloney, it was an old, never delivered piece of mail. He turned it over and looked at the delivery address. Nearly choking on his sandwich he read the address, President Jimmy Carter. 1600 Pennsylvania Washington DC. Looking around the small empty lunchroom, he tore it open and found a yellowing letter inside and began to read.

Dear Sir

I could give you my name but by the time you receive this letter it will not matter. Suffice to say I have been engaged over the last two and a half decades in our governments top secret scientific studies into investigating and developing the ‘’TOE’’ or , as it is officially called the ‘’Theory of Everything’’.

As you may know, the TOE is an attempt to bring together into one complete theory, the theories of quantum physics on a micro scale with the astrophysical theories on the macro scale. While exploring these theories I have also for that last decade studied the major religions of the world and experimented in the fields of parapsychology and studies on human consciousness. I have arrived at what I believe to be, this theory of everything but only now come to realize the gravity of my discoveries.

What I want to relate to you sir, though it is likely already to late, are the opening words I recently found in a book by Douglas Adams titled ‘’Restruant at the End of the Universe.’’ Here is the quote from that book.

“There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.

There is another theory which states that this has already happened.”

Well sir, for better or worse, I have and it has.

What a crock Zunkle said out loud taking another bite of his PBJ as Ford Prefect opened him another beer and Arthur Dent passed him the bag of chips they were sharing.