Gender identity

Look if you are an adult you do you, not going to worry too much about it.

But I had to talk with my son today and honestly it opened my eyes to the part of the conversation of gender affirming care that doesnt get much air time.

There was a kid (7 or 8) that my son (6) got along with amazingly well, sometime during this summer the kid admitted to my son that he was actually a she but wanted to be called a he.

My son is a good little dude and shrugged and said ok and has stuck with it, and I am proud of him for that. (not his place to judge, just his place to be a good person)

But when talking to me he admitted how this confused him, when everyone is running around talking validation or I think you shouldnt when was the last time someone asked whats happening to the other kids around these examples?

Now me and the missus have to figure out how to explain this, and try to alleviated his confusion while at the same time introducing him to sciences, and I am wondering if this has lead to some of his mistakes, he knew the difference between boy dogs and girl dogs prior to this summer now he is having issues.

I dont know any details on the kid or the situation or if they have done anything other than letting their kid go by their chosen boy name, not even judging but when can we open the conversation to include the confusion this causes among that childs friend group. ETA (not just this example but all the kids in school with kids being allowed to transition)

a reply to: Irishhaf

Sounds like you raised a good son.

That’s a lot of nuance for a kid.

It’s something a lot of us can’t understand or relate to.

If someone is cool about it, and I feel like they’re genuine, I’ll play along while disagreeing. If someone is being entitled or indignant, you can probably kick rocks.

That goes for anyone who has to wear their identity on their sleeve. I can tell the difference between someone struggling with navigating this world and someone who is leveraging a social wedge issue. They’re two very different things, and it’s sad when children get involved considering they have enough on their plate.

a reply to: Irishhaf

If my children were still school age, I would homeschool them, or send them to a private school if I could afford it. My wife is retiring from public school teaching this year. She is very happy about that because she says the entire culture of public school is depressing and at times bizarre and occasionally dangerous.

a reply to: Irishhaf

Sure. It IS confusing. I'm sure it's confusing to the kid who is expressing the realization that even though she/he is wearing a female body, he/she feels like a male persona. It seems to me everyone is being honest in this situation. The kid confided her/his confusion to your son and your son recognized that the situation is confusing but decided to go on being her/his friend, anyway. You have recognized that the situation is confusing and are trying to address it directly.

What's the problem? Life is complicated. It's going to have conflicting forces running through it. Sometimes you have to hold more than one thought in mind at the same time. It would definitely be more convenient if that weren't true. As an engineer, that's not the way I would have designed the Universe, but nobody asked my opinion. The fact that the situation is complicated doesn't mean that something's wrong.

a reply to: berbofthegreen

we do private school, this was at the farm where he went to for day care all summer.

a reply to: Irishhaf

My granddaughter went through that stage in middle school. Her mom asked why she questioned whether her gender was a mistake and they discussed feelings, like the ones she had for a girl in class.

Her mom said everything you just told me discribes how one feels about a best friend. You haven't said a single thing that makes me think you should be a boy, but if you were truly transgender I wouldn't care; I love you unconditionally. You are not gay; you're a normal teenager-and even if you were that would be okay.

That's the short version; a lot of research into feelings, especially as they relate to puberty and all the hormonal/menatal/bodily changes that go along with it went on for some time.

Basically, they explored the subject together. They have an exceptionally close relationship where no subject is off limits so it works for them.

She figured out she's a girly-girl, is 18 now and in a comitted relationship with a young man. She still has her boobs, thanks to a mother who's smart enough to know kids go through some pretty confusing pahses and helped her work through them.

a reply to: Boomer1947

It's not an if/or problem, there is splash damage to all the kids in the area.

The rampant increase in the number of gender dysphoria cases doesnt make sense, how much of it is social media, parents etc.

We all knew a tomboy type growing up, thats not a problem but females that were considered tomboys as kids are now being "diagnosed" with gender dysphoria because it's a big money maker for the pharmaceutical industry (like I said I do not know anything that is going on in this kids home so this is just generic talk here) rather than letting them get counseling and making a decision as an adult.

Somehow, we have gone from kids being kids to everything is being labeled with no consideration for the splash damage.

a reply to: Irishhaf

I honestly am glad I don't have kids. Just for the fact that the world is so loopy and rapidly changing I wouldn't even know how to be a parent.

Sounds like you and your son are navigating these uncharted waters better than I could.

originally posted by: Irishhaf
I dont know any details on the kid or the situation or if they have done anything other than letting their kid go by their chosen boy name,

Other than names and pronouns and maybe a different haircut and clothes, nothing else is part of “gender affirming care” for 7/8 year olds. No puberty blockers, no hormones and no surgery or other medical interventions other than individual and family counseling if the parents have even looked into those options?

With your son, I suggest you just keep it simple and not cloud things with any of your own feelings. Most kids today don’t even care about this stuff for more than a minute and quickly resolve any of their own confusion as long as they aren’t indoctrinated with negative ideas or opinions.

Sometimes the package doesn’t fit the contents. It doesn’t have to be more complicated than that and kudos to your son for just being a good person.

a reply to: Irishhaf

It's funny how ~1.6% of the population is legitimately transgender and yet now every other kid, it seems, is confused or flipping sides.

My money is on the public school system as the culprit.

If my kids were still school age (K-12), I would have moved out of Caligroomia years ago.

Seems like our society is forcing us to comply with delusional thinking. It doesn't matter what sex we are, we have equal rights. Technology and tools can make it so women can do men's jobs now but men cannot birth a child without very expensive medical treatments and an implanted egg which means that the kid is not really theirs unless they are the father of the fertile egg.

What is the difference, what is the fuss, we have had girls being tomboys since I was a kid, we have had people who were gay, they did not tell anyone they identified as the oposite sex...they were just gay. Back then gay included both guys and girls, now girls are Lesbians and guys are gay....talk about discrimination ballooning these days in the LGBT whatever else community, they are actually distinguishing differences in people with micromanaging things..

How are kids going to have stability in their lives if they can't even look between their legs and tell what sex they are...something so simple is now getting way overcomplicated. Then the medical and psychology industries are generating income by this...of course they are going to justify it as a real thing...just think how much less money for their profession if they did not.

Women and guys doing the same exact job should get the same pay....The harder or more dangerous the job the pay should be better. If they do a necessary job for society, like producing food or working on a garbage truck or getting up at three in the morning to plow snow...they should get more money than someone working sitting in an office at a computer or making programs for computers....we do not need computers to live...unless you believe the people who profit by computer science, sure they are going to say technology is really important. Yet how many thousands of years has man been on this planet without technology without destroying the environment like we do with technology today.

I think that they are making things worse in society when they confuse the young with all this you need to choose your sexual identity crap. These minority of people are trying to increase their numbers so they gain power and respect, but by doing so are causing harm to society because of the way they are doing it. If someone is transitioning, just do it, who cares it is their life, and if they are gay, be gay, but don't cause division by shoving your choice down everyone elses throats. Most of the gays I know are decent people, I have a few friends that are gay and they know I am not. I respect their rights to do what they feel is right for them. Now if some gay person started to hassle me...of course I would get upset just like they would get upset if I hassled them.

You wonder why there are so many extra kids committing suicide these days, if things were this way when I was a teenager, I would have been dead before I was nineteen....life does not need to be complicated or politically correct. But also, kids need to respect the rights of other people to be different. Politics seems to be pushing this division even in gender identity by forcing everyone to comply with it...that has never worked in society.

I expect the suicide rate of kids to escalate in the next three to five years if they do not stop pushing this crap in schools. Or they will all be on meds for depression or anxiety.

originally posted by: VariedcodeSole
a reply to: Irishhaf

It's funny how ~1.6% of the population is legitimately transgender and yet now every other kid, it seems, is confused or flipping sides.

My money is on the public school system as the culprit.

If my kids were still school age (K-12), I would have moved out of Caligroomia years ago.

It is trendy...

In many of these cases, it is also grooming. I've noticed a statistically impossible number of gender confused kids with gay parents. In fact, I brought this up several years ago on a thread. I noticed a magazine with gender confused kid on the cover. Read the article and the kids parents were some activist lesbo couple. The kid was adopted. I asked the simple question, what are the odds that a lesbian couple adopts a kid and that kid winds up being transgender.... I suspect the odds are not very high. Yet, I've seen this exact scenario multiple times.

I went through dysphoria at that age and had "the talk" with my Mom, who informed me what a Tomboy was, and that it was completely normal. No therapy, no drugs, no surgeries. Happily married for over 15 years and a bit more feminine now than Once Upon a Time...dysphoria at a young age is usually just a phase, or at least it was in my case.

originally posted by: Irishhaf
(not his place to judge, just his place to be a good person)

I agree!

At the same time, we should be able to discuss this in a productive and civilized way because people should be allowed to question everything.

a reply to: Irishhaf

Honestly, I don't know how I would handle that.

I'm very much a product of the age and environment I was raised.
Things were so much simpler then.

I never had any questions about my own gender/identity/sexuality etc and to my knowledge neither did anyone around me.
No issues with my daughter on that and my Grandson is very much a boy.
Yet my Grandson is by far more comfortable with talking about and understanding such issues - a sign of the times.

It sounds like you and your good lady are doing a great job of raising a well rounded and caring son. And I have no doubts you will work out what is the best and most appropriate way to raise and deal with these issues with your son....certainly a damn sight better than I could.

I know things can be very confusing to children of that age but it is my experience that when approached with openness, honesty and simplicity they are far better at processing these things than we are. Don't over complicate things, answer any questions he may have honestly and give him time are about the best advice I could give.

I'll be honest, maybe all this understanding and playing along is perpetuating this confusion between being something vs waishing to be be something you are not.

When I was little, not one kid at school proclaimed to be the opposite sex/gender.
Were they too scared to claim such an utter absurdity or was there no incentives to be special, like nowadays?
We had clearly gay, effeminate or tomboy kids and at my school nobody cared. 2000 pupils, but like a village, you knew what was going on.

Whilst I will agree that there have always been people who believed they were the opposite sex to what they were born, we can all agree that they have a major mental health problem.
The vast majority nowadays do and say and even believe this, because you get attention, special treatment and praise for saying you are trapped in your wrong body.

It's literally the go to excuse nowadays for children who just feel weird in their changing bodies.
If this option were not available, almost no child would be confused.
The few that would be, would be so few, they'd be rightly classed as mentally ill. Even if they truly believe it, it's not a norm, it's ab-normal. After all it is preposterous to be male in body but hate youself and wishing or believing to be the
absolute opposite.

I believe someone who has body disphoria should learn to either start making friends with their body, even if they think it's not who they are or they should be told to wait until they are through puberty and then do what they want quietly and without confusing budding minds.

I don't want ab-normal people to be hurt or feel they can't express their beliefs, what I want is for it to stay in the ab-normal category where it belongs.

I have learned that a lot of humans are incredibly easy to nanipulate.
Then kids on the spectrum will bwlieve all this, mutilate their bodies and then commit suicide because of their mustakes later on.

So allowing this leads to suicides just as much as disallowing it.
Simplest solution, as stated:
Treatment to not hate who they are but learn how to make the most of the cards they have been dealt.
Not ridiculing but helping.
Keeping it firmly in the realm of outliers and not making it normal, confusing others that aren't confused and know very well that there are only two genders.

Protect the healthy of mind, help those who arent.
This is what I'd tell my child.

originally posted by: GENERAL EYES
I went through dysphoria at that age and had "the talk" with my Mom, who informed me what a Tomboy was, and that it was completely normal. No therapy, no drugs, no surgeries. Happily married for over 15 years and a bit more feminine now than Once Upon a Time...dysphoria at a young age is usually just a phase, or at least it was in my case.

I knew a lot of tomboys when I was young, they liked doing regular boy things, they were actually fun for girls. I was kind of allergic to girls back when I was young, some wanted to kiss you if you were a boy...yuck. Tomboys did not act that way.

Most of the Tomboys turned out to be cute and fit, some became cheerleaders others got into other sports with other girls that were that way. Almost all of the Tomboys I knew when I was young either got married, but some became buisiness owners and some went to work as flag girls on construction....another I knew became a UPS driver....they were definitely women too. A few became gay, which I would have originally thought there would be more that became gay. I have noticed that some of the Tomboys did not get married till later in life, they did not need a man to depend on, they could do anything they put their mind too. There were lots of farm girls that were tomboys...they were fun to hang around with but I tended not to date girls that could beat me up.

It is being given the wrong label. It is called puberty not gender dysphoria. ALL kids are a bit different but nothing should be 'discussed' till the are ready to mature. Kids want to be dogs. Cats. Dinosaurs. Wear moms heels because she is a single mom and wants to be like here. This is 99.9% of the cases.

My issues is the ones who are actually suffering are overlooked. It is 'cool' to tell people what you think you are and 20 years ago it was called imagination and not a reality where you chop off body parts.

The best thing to do is talk with your kids and be open about things. Homeschool is a great choice right now.

I'm just going to let my son be a kid, they get a long together so I'm not going to rock the boat.

If he comes to me with questions I'll keep it simple and direct. In depth questions will suck, cause I'm not a very nuanced person I'm much more direct than the wife is.

If he seems really upset I'll bring her in, if he goes to her I'll just listen to what she passes on to me about the conversation and I won't bring it up with him.

I hate overthinking and I do it all to often.

a reply to: Irishhaf

I'm okay with people being transgender as long as they are adults. Hopefully they can pass for their adopted gender. But I don't think its as easy as some would have everybody believe, its incredibly difficult psychologically emotionally mentally and physically. But the choice should be theirs after counselling. But that is for adults, not children.
I would think that the root causes of gender dysphoria should be investigated. Hormonal disruptors in pregnancy, environmental factors. And there is a very dark, very twisted very evil child predation cabal that is into this along with child sacrifice. In Hollywood, in the government, in the highest levels of world power. Grooming... yes.
We can't always be who we want to be, but we'll always be the people we are. You can make believe you're a different gender but kids are fragile and they're too easily swept up in false hopes and promises and are easy victims.
This girl could be a tomboy but still have to deal with the realities of their birth sex. Not that gender stereotypes should be forced 100%, but they have worked and have a reason.