Obligatory "Do you feel it?"

This one is tough to write. I've been sitting on this for a few weeks now. I'm exhausted from all the hustle and packing up for my long journey across the USA.

I've been meditating a lot lately as well. I've been a meditator since I was about 15. I picked it up during my 3 year bout with cancer as a teenager. I fell off the spiritual path for years while working my ass off and drinking away my sorrows.

I feel something has reawakened in me and it feels like now is the auspicious time to be in the light once again.

Now for the major woo woo:

I've been seeing 11:11 and having deja vu like mad! Also been getting glimpses of insight into many things while in meditation. If you've never tried it persistently, it can sometimes feel like being in a near-sleep state where thoughts are free floating in a stream of dreamy consciousness; they can come and go, and appear to have no origin or reason. Sometimes it just feels like voices enter into the stream of consciousness. I always know this voice though, it is me, and perhaps it is my 'higher self' or something, I have no clue.

Part of my move is not just searching for a new job and cheaper cost of living. I am also getting some very bad vibes where I live. I keep coming back to earthquakes. I feel like the West Coast may be in for something big very soon. That part is not such a surprise as all the experts agree San Andreas fault and Yellowstone could go at any moment.

So here's what I wrote down immediately after a 'glimpse' hit me like a cannonball.

Got some meditative insights here. The fears and doubts of my journey, and the continual search for answers. Firstly, there is the worry of housing and livelihood. That will always be present. Everyone seeks shelter. Even now that I have a means of livelihood and a shelter, the worry is still present. So what has changed? I will worry and seek shelter whether here or there. Nothing has changed. Whether here or there I will seek and work for the same things. The location of where I do these things is of little importance, though results may vary. The fear and worry, and the impulse to combat these things will still drive me. There are other factors pushing me to leave here and go there. And it is to seek a more balanced, powerful, and harmonious version of my ability to achieve shelter and livelihood. The results are not guaranteed whether here or there, so the worry is at best, the biggest crippling obstacle.

That brings me to the next insight into my purpose, and the repeating concept is to "act in love." As I have been detailing as of late, humanity is indeed in a cycle of disarray. My own family is an example of the loss of balance, power, and the wisdom of acting in love. Fathers have no wisdom to pass on, mothers have no sense of protection or purpose. There is largely a false concept of material extravagance. It is more important for families to independently seek pleasures for themselves and to let children seek their own pleasures without wisdom and balance and love. It is a time of extreme narcissism and decadence where only propagation of the species is the result. In short, genetic material is being passed along, but none of the wisdom and balance and love that is so important. We are not an infestation of animals and vermin, though now we live in a time that we act as such. There is a natural end to all such fruitless paths. And fruitless is the perfect word. Consider my own sterility from chemotherapy treatments. I am the end of the line. But what is more important, the propagation of the species? or the propagation of wisdom, balance, and love?

From a fruitless line, I am a ‘seed’ not of species propagation, but a seed to restore that wisdom and balance and love. This is more important than the species, as this will outlast any biological or material species. What is the point of a species that no longer knows the wisdom of acting in love? It will be doomed to stagnate and destroy itself in its fruitless pleasure seeking. The ‘seeds’ that "act in love" however will carry on the wisdom to a new iteration.

I often find myself in a deep depression not understanding my pain and my sadness and my life of hardship. It is only through hardships that this wisdom can be understood, appreciated, and passed on. A people concentrated on pleasure seeking without the necessary hardships will be unable to grow this wisdom. This is why the shamans of old were often those who underwent great traumas and pain. Jesus was crucified, and all the great people of wisdom and love have undergone a similar ritual. Buddha had experienced all manner of pleasures and pains before finding true balance. This is the common theme for these 'seeds.'

My own biggest failure right now is my harsh judgement of others. I do not know what path others are on, and it is only through the perceived hardships and shortcomings that people will be as if melted down and reforged in the golden fire, as the metaphor goes. I do not know how people got where they are, nor do I know what wisdom is being constructed in them and for what purpose, nor am I able to understand the timetables in which these works are happening. Do not look down haughtily on the downtrodden, as they are undergoing their own wisdom growing program.

I must learn to cease judgement on others and trust the process. All will go through the fire in their own time. My only job as of now is to act in love, and whether that results in success or failure in the current state of humanity is not a guarantee; though it is not a failing on my part. The importance is to act in love and propagate that seed because it is a time where it is lacking. Again, what is more important? --The fathering of children without passing on wisdom to them? --Or passing on wisdom through acts in a barren cycle? I am the end of a genetic line, but I am the start of reinvigorating the important wisdom that supersedes the biological propagation. How many times has humanity been regrown through these 'seeds?' It is interesting that it is almost universal that cultures speak of the downfall of wisdom and certain purification events wherein humanity is regrown. The Great Flood myth for example. The ‘seeds’ are more important than the propagation because propagation can and will be halted through various events. The continuance of the wisdom of our true purpose and nature is eternal and extends beyond a simple biological species. "Act in love" is what must be passed on.

In addition to ALL THAT. I have been experiencing a form of deja vu like I've never had before. It isn't just a feeling of vaguely recalling a dream or a memory. I am talking full-on time is repeating in small bursts. I know things are repeating because I already had very distinct and clear memories of some events. The clarity is brief, but powerful. I'll share the most vivid and damning one.

[continued...]

I am currently doing the delivery hustle to support myself in between work. I am also using that as practice to be more social and make small talk as I'm normally socially awkward and low self-esteem.

So here's how it went down--I talked to a barista asking her which drink is cold and which one is hot so I can put one in the ice chest and the other in my hot box. She was utterly puzzled by the question, like I was an alien speaking Portugreek. So I said nevermind, I'll figure it out, have a nice day. Still she was deer-in-the-headlights. On my way back to my car, a vendor was loading up cases of cheap beer for the mini-mart. Even though I've just about hit one year sobriety, I jokingly said "Hey buddy I think one of those is supposed to get stocked in my trunk." Again--he was non-reactive--just stared at me blankly. For the hat trick, I commented at someone else walking to their car "Hey Spider-Man! I like your sweater." Blank stares yet again.

I was thinking about how awkward this whole scene was. Why was everyone so dead? And who wears a sweater when it's over 90F? Then it hit me quick. I've done this exact scene before. Exactly. I was able to recall every whimsical detail both in the present moment and in the past. I was like oh sheet this is really weird. I know I know I KNOW this exact scene has played out before exactly like this. The Spider-Man sweater in the summer, the ditzy barista, the no-nonsense liquor vendor.

So what is happening?!

Glitch in the matrix?

Walls of the holodeck?

CERN messing with reality?

Brain tumor maybe?

Is the simulation running out of new data and NPC responses?

Extinction level event on the horizon?

Everything is starting to feel so artificial and faux, and every time the deja woo hits me it feels like I am near to penetrating something more real, a greater understanding of this illusion program.

But heck if I know! I'm just a simple guy with an 8th grade education!

a reply to: AlroyFarms

I keep coming back to earthquakes. I feel like the West Coast may be in for something big very soon.

That may not even have to do with a seismic shift, it may be an economic "earthquake". California is deep in debt and many are fleeing the state. X is moving out, Visa, and others have abandoned ship because of the cost of doing business. Oregon and Washington are a Liberal nightmare that they refuse to acknowledge.


What kind of work are you looking for ? Some of us could tell you who is hiring and where.

I’m having deja vu right now! Like I’ve read this all before!

originally posted by: DAVID64
a reply to: AlroyFarms

I keep coming back to earthquakes. I feel like the West Coast may be in for something big very soon.

That may not even have to do with a seismic shift, it may be an economic "earthquake". California is deep in debt and many are fleeing the state. X is moving out, Visa, and others have abandoned ship because of the cost of doing business. Oregon and Washington are a Liberal nightmare that they refuse to acknowledge.


What kind of work are you looking for ? Some of us could tell you who is hiring and where.

For many reasons, worldly and spiritual, just everyone should get away from CA. I sense nothing good here, it is a weird premonition and everything is telling me to get the hell out now.

I have a place in mind, and my trade is needed everywhere. I am actually hitting the road in a few days!

a reply to: AlroyFarms

My deja vu phase was between 10 and 6 years ago. It mostly involved reading poems that people wrote and posted. I could swear that I had read them before.

Once it was really bad because I distinctly remembered discussing a guys poem, meaning and such 3 years before, when I wrote "Oh yeah, I remember that, and the edge is a waterfall."

He responded "I've never posted that here." Then he posted what he had posted elsewhere. And it had been written 3 years before. The strange thing is that at the time he had written it originally, I was bedridden and delirious, so I couldn't have been chatting with him online about it. I did imagine conversations in my delirious state though.

I am still bothered by the occasional hallucination. About a month ago there was a meat recall due to detection of e coli. So I looked in the refer and sure enough there was an assorted coldcut and cheese package by that company. There was a list of the meats and cheeses, 6 in total. I went back to the computer to look at the meats listed, one of them matched. I went back to the refrigerator intending to throw out the package only to discover that the package was only one kind of cheese, not an assortment of any kind.

When I told the guy who had purchased the package in the first place, I got the blank look.

originally posted by: FullHeathen
a reply to: AlroyFarms

When I told the guy who had purchased the package in the first place, I got the blank look.

Right?! Something odd about that sudden blankness I witnessed back-to-back-to-back.

Like their minds were actually rebooting. That was just so bizarre!

Thanks for sharing your experiences!

a reply to: AlroyFarms

Good luck. If you're ever near Western Ky, let me know. We got a little hole in the wall BBQ place that's been here for 75 years and a little famous for it's food.

a reply to: DAVID64

A very kind offer! Depends on how far "west" KY you are, I'm not sure I'll be going quite that way. PM the details if you like and I'll map it out.

And I'd like to take this opportunity to say I admire you as a person and as a parent. I always enjoy your posts. The world could use a lot more people like you

a reply to: AlroyFarms

Beautiful OP !

Your now journey is more important that the whatever destination.

Enjoy every moment !

a reply to: AlroyFarms

In each of your "akward" encounters, have you considered your "approach" as the cause of the reactions you received?

To the batista, asking which drink is hot, which is cold, would seem like a "IRL" trolling: you would know as soon as you picked up the cup which us which, if not by the type of cup served. You were just trying to be conversational, she perceived someone usually clueless, or worse, a "smart-aleck".

The delivery guy might well have been thinking "Oh great! another free-loader using that old line!", or worse, "Is this guy going to try to highjack me?".

"Spider-Man" most likely didn't understand the reference concerned his sweater-wearing penchant.


You made the effort to be sociable, but your "lines" just didn't "hit" within the context.


I don't know about you, but my (extensive) experience with DejaVu has always resulted in a sense of "forewarning" before an incident: a "heads-up" if you will. This allows me to.....

Okay, first off. I do not view time as "linear", although I, like most people experience it that way. To me, DejaVu represents what I consider to be temporal "nexus points", points, or opportunities, to choose between/among different actions which then determine how the following "timeline" plays out. These nexus points come to me in dreams which have a particular "feel" to them, which I have learned to recognize. Days, months, years later, when the DejaVu moment begins to play itself out, I can enact the best of the outcomes I had previously reviewed.

Example: I have a dream in which a particular word I say causes an argument. Years later, I find myself in a situation in which, due to the visual clues echoing from my prior dream alter me to an incipient DejaVu, I change my response, and the argument that ensued in the dream never occurs.

a reply to: Mantiss2021

For sure I'm socially awkward and seldom win people over with wit or charm.

I think the point was that the strangeness of the events stood out so jarring in my memory that it would sync up again when it happened the second time.

If it were a normal interaction, I'd have just forgotten it and never placed importance on it.

But there was a moment inside me that teased Did you see? Did you notice? Are you paying attention now? Are you open to stranger possibilities?

a reply to: AlroyFarms

You probably have all the charm you need. You just need practice.

As to the strangeness; now that the Universe has gotten your attention, if you are open to stranger possibilities,

Practice!

Don't force it, don't try to "push" it. If you find that difficult, just try to sit back, and enjoy the show until it feels like your "cue".

a reply to: AlroyFarms

I'm VERY socially awkward, but also highly social at the same time so I know what you mean. Sometimes some folks just don't know how to react themselves, there's a lot of us out there these days and we're coming into contact with one another more often now that certain movements are more out in the open.

In a way, it's unnerving, just today I had several awkward encounters ranging from my still getting to know my new therapist to walking into an Arby's and making a "visito/out of state/not local/newcomer" woman angry that lunch hour was bringing in more blue collar folk (she shot me a nasty glare as we walked in and I thought it was because i was wearing a Star Wars shirt and it triggered her or something) and she hastily refilled her drink and stormed out.

At the grocery store, everyone was polite and navigating one another in busy aisles with excuse me and pardon mes but no one would make eye contact. The only person I was able to to connect with that way was the young woman manning the self checkouts as we left. It was weird, last year everyone was in such a great mood smiling and so forth and now, all of a sudden there's an atmosphere of fear.

I wonder if it's a social trend due to the election chaos.

My choice of Star Wars shirts used to get me called a Nazi and a Fascist (The Empire one day, Mandlore the next, Han Solo for the win.....but I digress) and all the social hype about Disney killing the franchise and Woke Drama seems to be killing the fun out of everything that used to bring people together as AMERICANS.

I dunno.

Maybe my therapist is right, we just need to guard our minds and hearts a little bit better in the face of information overload. I know I schized pretty hard a month or so ago here onsite and had to take a break from the "newscycle".

Some folks can handle it, and others, well, sensitive people cn pick up on things in unique ways others don't (or won't admit to as openly anyway).....whatever the amtter, safe travels and May the Force Be With You wherever you roam!

Hugs!

P.S. My cousin tells me that 11:11 is the "wishing time" and to make a little wish or prayer whenever you see it. I catch it all the time and need to start putting that association into full force again. Peace be with you!

a reply to: AlroyFarms

I am extremely outgoing and talk to everyone anywhere all the time. Strangers, weirdos, whatever. I always say hi and smile at people I don't know because you never know when someone just needs a friendly face. Or I make small talk waiting in lines and stuff.

That being said I have noticed over the past few years that people do not even respond. They don't smile back, they don't say hi. Before people would always say hi back and smile and sometimes just start chit chatting with me. Now its like the only people who do are elderly and they seem really like genuinely happy and excited someone said hi and smiled at them and they'll bend my ear for quite awhile so I just assume the elderly are getting lonelier and lonelier and everyone else just doesn't want to socialize anymore. Makes me sad because we need to be a brotherhood of man like...I wanna be everybody's friend but only people over 70 wanna be my friend hehehehehehehe. Or so it seems.

a reply to: Shoshanna

It is definitely a generational thing. When I did home installs it was almost guaranteed that older people were down to exchange a few friendly words, while the younger people were reduced to nods and grunts and very little eye contact.