I had a rare dream about my late husband

a reply to: ChiefD

I'm a softie for this type of experiences , touching and comforting for sure

originally posted by: Rich Z
As I sit here reading this thread, and at the same time monitoring my wife and best friend of 45 years on a baby cam I set up to watch over her when I am in the den, I am not sure about what to think about having such vivid dreams about her. She is dying of metastatic stage 4 ovarian cancer. I wish I could be optimistic, but the odds are against her, and, well, I can see with my own two eyes that things aren't going well for her.

I will already be surrounded by the memories of the life we built together here in everything around me. We designed this house, filled it with things we found and made together over the years. Walking outside nearly every plant on our acreage besides the normal native stuff we planted together ourselves. Every beat of my heart was echoed by her own heart.

I will already be haunted by her memory. She believes it will make me smile to have all those memories surrounding me. Personally, I think each and every one will be a razor blade ripping my heart to shreds every single remaining second, minute, hour and day of my life.

And have my dreams of her too, only to awake to the reality of the aching emptiness my life will become without her?

Not sure I will be able to handle that.

Sorry to be a wet blanket on this thread. But this is a pain like none I have ever imagined.

Maybe you can find some comfort in this youtube channel:

NDE diary

There are other channels like this, and all account vivid experiences that ,IMO, can't be explained just by a dying brain etc. When I worry about loved ones it gives some comfort at least to me, I hope it does the same for you.

originally posted by: Rich Z
As I sit here reading this thread, and at the same time monitoring my wife and best friend of 45 years on a baby cam I set up to watch over her when I am in the den, I am not sure about what to think about having such vivid dreams about her. She is dying of metastatic stage 4 ovarian cancer. I wish I could be optimistic, but the odds are against her, and, well, I can see with my own two eyes that things aren't going well for her.

I will already be surrounded by the memories of the life we built together here in everything around me. We designed this house, filled it with things we found and made together over the years. Walking outside nearly every plant on our acreage besides the normal native stuff we planted together ourselves. Every beat of my heart was echoed by her own heart.

I will already be haunted by her memory. She believes it will make me smile to have all those memories surrounding me. Personally, I think each and every one will be a razor blade ripping my heart to shreds every single remaining second, minute, hour and day of my life.

And have my dreams of her too, only to awake to the reality of the aching emptiness my life will become without her?

Not sure I will be able to handle that.

Sorry to be a wet blanket on this thread. But this is a pain like none I have ever imagined.

I am so sorry. I can relate to where you said each and every memory will be like a razor blade. It is like that for me. I have considered selling my home, because right now, the memories are ripping me to shreds. It's so hard. But I also know that I will persevere. It sucks being a widow, and grief really sucks. After a year, I'm still here and will never give up. It is hard to get out of bed some days, and I can't tell you how many times I feel like I'm falling off the edge of a cliff. I don't have any words of comfort, only understanding and empathy.

The hospice nurse came by today to talk with my wife and the rest of us. Both of Connie's sisters are here right now helping out. Then later on she came back to deliver some PleurX catheter kits, rather than have us wait till Monday and chance running out of them. I was outside at the time so I stood with her out on our porch and we talked for a while. Small chit-chat about how Connie was doing. Then she dropped the nuclear bombshell. She said that based on her experience with similar cases to my wife, Connie only has about 2 weeks left before she will pass away.

I can't believe I didn't throw up my heart right then and there.

Speaking of dreams, though. A couple of weeks ago I had a dream where Connie and I were walking our path through the woods like we used to do quite often before her cancer sapped her too much. I remember we were happy, laughing at things and looking at the new foliage Spring time brings. Then she suddenly stopped with a surprised look in her face. She looked down at her torso, pulled up her T-shirt, and we both saw the wide bandage below her breast that is oh so familiar to us now, covering the PleurX catheter placed in the pleural space of her lungs. We both looked at each other in confusion and terror. Then of course I woke up.

God I hope I am not going to be haunted by nightmares like that for the rest of my life.

a reply to: Rich Z

I would try to find grief support groups in your area. Perhaps with meetup.com or something similar?

a reply to: Waterglass

Yes, thank you. It's short...really just 10 or so paranormal events thruout my life. If any thing, I could send you the file either as a .doc or PDF, both safe I assure you.

Gimme a bit..✌️

a reply to: blindmellojello

I did. We were a family of entertainers all very close. To find that note? Well Juanita (mom) wanted to be sure I knew that piece of me wasn't gone.

Then, I knew she wasn't...

And my friend? The longer my folks n best friends been gone..the closer I get to seeing them again. You too.

God Bless

originally posted by: Rich Z
The hospice nurse came by today to talk with my wife and the rest of us. Both of Connie's sisters are here right now helping out. Then later on she came back to deliver some PleurX catheter kits, rather than have us wait till Monday and chance running out of them. I was outside at the time so I stood with her out on our porch and we talked for a while. Small chit-chat about how Connie was doing. Then she dropped the nuclear bombshell. She said that based on her experience with similar cases to my wife, Connie only has about 2 weeks left before she will pass away.

I can't believe I didn't throw up my heart right then and there.

Speaking of dreams, though. A couple of weeks ago I had a dream where Connie and I were walking our path through the woods like we used to do quite often before her cancer sapped her too much. I remember we were happy, laughing at things and looking at the new foliage Spring time brings. Then she suddenly stopped with a surprised look in her face. She looked down at her torso, pulled up her T-shirt, and we both saw the wide bandage below her breast that is oh so familiar to us now, covering the PleurX catheter placed in the pleural space of her lungs. We both looked at each other in confusion and terror. Then of course I woke up.

God I hope I am not going to be haunted by nightmares like that for the rest of my life.

I am living this right now. It is so very hard. I wish I could offer you words of comfort, but I know the path. Connie and you are in my prayers. It will be a journey for you, ongoing without a destination. This is how I think of my journey. My heart aches for you.

I am not sure whether last night it was a dream or a conscious effort to remember all the good things Connie and I have done and the places we have been to together. But it was such a pleasant whatever it was. Then reality intrudes. She is losing the ability to communicate. We have to ask simple questions with "yes" or "no" answers so she can answer with a shake of her head.

She is wearing a diaper now. If her two sisters weren't here helping out, I have no idea what I would do. It would have been way WAY too much for me to handle alone. But even so, I am exhausted. I know I should sleep when Connie is sleeping, but there is so much to do. Even if it is just sitting there spending as much time as I can by her side.

Went to see my doctor back on 11/02. I think it was just stress, but I was pissing blood for an hour or so on Tuesday. He said I still had traces of blood and wants me to come back in about 3 weeks. Anyway, I asked him about "zombie" drugs, since the Valiums I have are OK for short duration razor blunting, but I think I am going to need something a bit more, well, extensive. He gave me a prescription for something called "Escitalopram". I have only been taking it since the Hospice nurse told me about the 2 week estimate on Connie passing away. Supposed to take a couple to few weeks to really kick in, so I guess it is a race against time. Some of these types of drugs have the nasty side effect of making suicide seem like a real grand idea to end the pain. Seems kind of self defeating, I suppose. Luckily suicide just never struck me as a good way to get out of a jam.

Not exactly a dream, but an odd experience, nonetheless.

This morning I was in a sound sleep on the couch next to the hospital bed in our family room that Connie was sleeping in. She wasn't doing well, as she had become comatose any not communicating with the outside world for a day or so. So I wanted to be close to her.

Well, I was sleeping soundly when suddenly I heard in Connie's voice "Punkie!" That is the pet name we have used for each other for years. Short for "Punkin' Baby". Anyway, shocked me instantly awake, as this was the voice of her before she got weakened over the past few weeks. I glanced at the time, and it was exactly 5:30am. So I got up to check on her, and she was not breathing. I felt her skin and her face was cold, as was most of her body. But behind her neck was still warm. I put an O2 sensor on her finger to monitor her heart pulse rate and it was flat lined. Oh damn......

My Punkin' Baby died this morning. I am feeling rather numb right now, perhaps because I drained every tear my body had to hold. My world has been turned upside down.

Still don't know how she was able to say my name, and not even sure she said it out loud, as one of her sisters was in the recliner on the other side of the hospital bed, and it didn't rouse her. But somehow she communicated to me that she was leaving. It's not like I could have dreamed such a singular thing at that exact point in time.

God did not answer my prayers to save her. Disappointing. But I hope he will take good care of her. At least her death was peaceful and not wracked with pain as happens with a lot of other cancer patients.

Farewell, my love............

I ache for every one of you that have to feel this loss, and pray for peace and comfort for you.
My father has visited me in dreams since he passed, and helped me with decisions. When I was getting ready to relocate I dreamed I was riding in the passenger seat of a truck Dad was driving. We came to a fork in the road and he told me he had to take the left road, and I needed to take the right. We said we'd meet again later. I got out and he drove on. I walked to a diner along the road and went inside. A hawk was sitting on a table. I smiled and waved to the hawk. The hawk turned into a boy and spoke to me in sign language (I don't know sign in waking life) that it was time to go. I signed back "It is time for me to go too". When I woke up and got out of bed, I looked out my window and a hawk was sitting in the tree right outside looking at me. Other times I've sensed his presence so strongly that I've spoken to him. Similar things have happened with others I've lost lately. There's been so much loss in the last year. Hold on to their spirits.

a reply to: Rich Z

I'm so sorry for your loss. My condolences and prayers are with you. Big hugs. I believe she did call out to you to let you know her journey to Heaven was starting. Like my husband, your wife's death was peaceful and pain free.

I can totally relate to what you said regarding God not answering your prayers to save her. I felt the same way right after my husband died. My heart aches for you. I don't have any words to help you feel better. If you want to chat, you can PM me on here.

Never have figured out how to chat on this system.

a reply to: Rich Z

You have my condolences, Rich.

May she rest in heavenly peace.

--Cav

hmm

I lost my wife in 2020, Mar 6th. I too had the dreams, and, just a little more.

There is no getting over the hole left in out lives, hearts. Sorry, dont even wasting time thinking about it. It will always be there.

The first dream she was smiling just as she was when we first met, she asked why she died. I tried to answer her the best I could. The second dream she had her head down, and explained why she thought she died. And I cried.

We were both retreads in marriage and both heavily damaged by this world, so it was going to be a challenge from the start. We both had very large bags we carried. And if anyone could see the truth in this world you would understand. Sad part was we were just getting finished sorting those bags out..

After realizing no amount of thinking about it was going to help me I decided to putting my research in that place. And then, I found the truth... You have to put other things in your heart, not to forget, but to help you cope.

I finally got around to researching Jesus. There was another area of research I didn't understand at the time but as it turned out, was exactly what Jesus was preaching about. It was conformation. Too much to go into here..

Because of that research I can now rest in knowing my wife made it to Jesus's Kingdom. For unknown to us there were two heavens, one of the demiurge, or Satan if you will (Old Testament god), where we are tricked into returning to this world with our memories wiped clean. And the Heaven of our Divine Creator where you are born again into your perfect body. My wife in her special way let me know, she made it. Your Husband is also letting you know, he made it.

So, until the Resurrection, the second coming, or until the Parable of the Net. Get busy. Clean, cut grass, organize, read, study, meet new people, get a hobby, stay busy. One foot in front of the other.

And one day you may find, life is still worth living, even with that gaping hole in your heart. Chances are you just might get to meet him again, some day...

I could not find one lie, one misdirect Jesus shared, for all the things he spoke of, were confirmed for me. My wife, was "Born Again" into that Kingdom...

I hope this gives you at least a small bit of comfort... If you can, try finding the whole episode its worth the watch...