Something Petty You Never Got Over

A little social media clip reminded me of a deep memory.

Growing up my older sister was always the smart straight A student that could do no wrong, total golden child.
I was the rebellious, trouble maker with bad grades (in an Asian household that meant I got B’s, no joke)

Well I found my calling. Shop class and woodworking. Somehow both came natural to me. Woodworking was the outlet I didn’t know I needed.
Every single 8th grader had to make a key ring, shaped like a giant key. It was a right of passage that key ring.
Every 8th grader would carefully cut out their key and add little hooks for our keys and proudly show our parents. My sister made her and it was nice, but little did she know I had something up my sleeve.

I wasn’t going to just make any ol’ key. I was going all Medieval. I was making a fancy skeleton like key, and it was going to be perfect. The woodworking teacher took a liking to me and always let me stay and work more. I’m not kidding when I say that was probably the fanciest key holder that graced that school. I took it home and my parents were both shocked how good it looked. I hung it up proudly.
We moved shortly after and wouldn’t you know my key ring mysteriously disappeared, poof, vanished, never to be seen again… yet my sisters didn’t.

I think we all know what happened to it. Still chaps my hide!!!

I just find it fascinating that all these years later, a long lost memory triggered by something on social media…

a reply to: JAGStorm

Dam' siblings!

Cheers

So the one time i was staying at these people's house, and here comes this dude to cut the trees.

I thought it's going to be municipal dudes in orange blimps.

But no, it's this white hippie guy doing acrobatics with a chainsaw, many feet off the ground,

"You guys got that branch down there"?

And even the natives said this man was crazy and walked off the job.

But during lunch we smoked a bit and he said, he can't move his shoulder.

Because this woman said, go get me that flower.

Thant's why he fell out of the tree.

a reply to: halfoldman

I've known not one, but TWO grown men that have almost completely chopped their leg off by using a chainsaw up in a tree and dropping it.. on their leg.
I know another guy that almost chopped his legs off in a roofing accident.

Never known a women even come close to chopping of her leg.. funny that...hmm

maybe the time I put my name in a John Casablancas model contest and they actually called me back, but my dad didn't want to take me to Milwaukee to do so.

It would have immensely helped my self esteem at the time as I was bullied in school and dealing with the fallout of my parents divorce still

a reply to: JAGStorm

my grandpa used to carry running chainsaws up a bent and busted aluminum ladder to get dead branches. Absolute mad lad he was...miss him every day

a reply to: JAGStorm

They canceled "Firefly".

a reply to: JAGStorm

Well there's this specific Chinese restaurant.

They have great food and a nice heated deck.

But I was seated next to this huge wooden barrel, and I couldn't help but notice, there's chewing gum stuck on it.

First I tried to flick it away, and then sawing it off with the chop-stick.

But this stubborn abomination had stuck there too long.
It was fully fossilized.

And every time I go, it's still there, and I'm thinking, are you sure you want raw oysters in this place?

I'm in the lift and it's pretty full; people, trolleys, pooches.

And the door slides open and I'm thinking, let's get out of the way quickly so that everyone can get out.

And in the silent public order, there goes this shrill voice behind me: "What happened to ladies first"?

a reply to: halfoldman

Well OK then, chivalry Karen (and he was male), let all the men stand firm while the women try to squeeze out past them.

Besides that, it's gender equality these days, isn't it?

a reply to: JAGStorm

I got blackmailed as a kid in school by a lad called David he found out about about my talent for forgery and made me hand over some 1st edition magazines / comics I had .

Skip forward nearly twenty years and David is now a school gym teacher and we were both at a party one night and he was rather drunk with a young lady on his lap who may have been one of his pupils and he was married .

He got a phone call in the weeks after telling him that someone had a camera that night at the party but those photos would vanish if he were to find the same comics that had been prized from my grasp. .

It was all in good fun I would never have ratted him out but it was hard for either of us to keep a straight face as he handed them over to me , He was stunned I had remembered about it all those years and went to so much trouble to get even .

Still can forge any signature I see to this day and change a F to a B on my report card

a reply to: JAGStorm

First let me start off by telling you that seeking validation does about as good in life as chasing wealth. Even if you get it, it’s never enough.

That said, your sibling did that because they were jealous of you. They probably wish they had the balls (sorry I know you would only have them metaphorically) to live life with a rebellious streak.

The beauty of siblings is we can live vicariously through them. Only they truly know our life experience, even if we choose different paths.

a reply to: JAGStorm

In the mid 1970s i would usually meet a couple friends fri night at our local chess club,sometimes the club would host the US Champion,or some other top player.One fri night i didnt go but depended on my buds to call if a good player was there,the next day i heard Boris Spassky was at the club! I could have played Boris if my ass clown buds had bothered to call.but Im not that bitter now I did get to see Gary Kasparov many years later.

Well once, in primary school, I was waiting in line at the teachers desk, waiting to get my homework marked.

And I noticed this awful smell - like an ashtray mixed with rotting meat.
And to my horror I realized it was the teacher's breath.

So I went stinky "flutter-fluttter" with my hands to the class facing me.
They all knowingly grinned back.

But oh he saw, and he swings his head at me: "What boy"?

Now i'm on the spot, so the honesty just bubbles forth:

"Sir I really don't want to tell you this, but your breath stinks".

And the entire class starts laughing.

And I'm not meaning ha, ha.
I mean laughter you can hear on Mars.

And I'm thinking, shut up everybody, do you know how bad I'm going to get it?
Corporal punishment end downright assault were still the norm.

But astoundingly, none of that happened.
Instead he ran out of the class and banged the door.

Once the raucous laughter had died down, he came back, chewing gum.

Almost in tears he said, it actually takes a friend to tell you that.

And then there's this one cow who said I should have written it on a piece of paper:

"Hi sir, your breath smells like dung".

Phew, can I sit down now?