advice needed regarding being ghosted

originally posted by: TheLieWeLive
a reply to: CaptainHook

One day she might come around but you’re only depressing yourself waiting for that day that may not come.
I have a sister I haven’t spoken with in ten years and it is for the better. I found out that she was a brick in a ocean and was always trying to bring me down.

And I have brothers who I haven't seen for many years, and it is for the better.
My father died almost 2 years ago now, and the will still hasn't been settled, I had to hire an attorney to protect my interests.

a reply to: RonnieJersey

Yep, sound similarly to my family. Money brings out the monster in some people.

sucks you have mutual relatives with her.
but my advice walk away.

maybe she will come back around.

last year, i go to las vegas on vacation, and two friends [with benefits] both sort of end it while i was away.
1st because we got into a disagreement.
but the second, came out of nowhere.

i stopped texting her phone for a while, i think she changed numbers, so i would just text her on in-sta-gram.
i had her on 2 of my accounts.

she says to me, which made zero sense, 'with the move and all let me get some time off...'

and wham.
i said, he can we still be friends.
but thats it, too late, the wham came down.
she unfollowed me, put her profile on private. i can see 'do you want to add her' but i cannot lol, thats rude.

i know her house street address even, i guess i could send her a post card! but thats too much. we were fwbs, but we were friends.

the reason it sucked was, no explanation, because 'with the move and all' makes no sense. i have no clue what she meant.

that was like a year ago. but she lives by my gym, so im hoping to bump into her in target and say, yo, why cant we be friends at least, no worries about benefits. cause this chick was pretty cool, and gave great advice.

so now its all up to fate, i met these girls once, maybe i will meet them again.

it stinks, i bump into my gym guy friends all over the place, even at 2am in hoboken walking down the street.
but i have yet to bump into my former fwbs.

i think about them and hope they are doing ok, but thats all you can do.

its better to hope for fate, than look like a stalker and try to say hello to them on s0cial media.

plus the first girl always told me and made fun of her exes for commenting on her pictures and stuff. so you do not want to get made fun of.

again it sucks about your neices and nephews. but once they hit 18, you can see them again.

one time, which is my FAVORITE ghost story. no one replies to my messages. so one of my friends 'ghosted' me for 1 year. i would just text her and say how is the beach. she moved to a resort to work as some scuba instructor. no replies for over a year. i just assumed, oh i messaged her and shes working.
one year later, she says, 'i wanted to teach you a lesson by not replying...'

the best part? i never knew she was ghosting me, because only 25% of my texts or emails get replies!!!
even my brothers, unless i ask them for something, i will send them info, no reply.

so i was used to 'ghosting' before i even knew what the word meant or was invented for, let alone being used.

i never like to bother people, so i say, wanna hang.
if they do, they meet me at bars or the gym.
if not, they never reply lol.
are they ghosting me?
who knows who cares, im still going to the gym and bars regardless.

a reply to: drongosrevenge

I think it's easier and less draining to just ignore all that and move on, sometimes just ignoring them completely makes them wonder what happened.
Working too hard at any relationship is nonsense, much better to be around fun people who are happy!

a reply to: CaptainHook

seems like she wasnt really a friend,but just had alot of things in common and was just being friendly to bide her time. I do have afriend who works alot and I dont talk to them like I used to but Thats for a good reason so I dont feel abandoned or ignored liek you do though.

originally posted by: RonnieJersey
a reply to: CaptainHook

Don't take it personally - you're not the only one to have these things happen to you, people move on in life and drop others all the time, and we never know why.
She just moved on. And it may have nothing to do with you.

originally posted by: TheLieWeLive
a reply to: RonnieJersey

Yep, sound similarly to my family. Money brings out the monster in some people.

originally posted by: RonnieJersey

originally posted by: TheLieWeLive
a reply to: CaptainHook

One day she might come around but you’re only depressing yourself waiting for that day that may not come.
I have a sister I haven’t spoken with in ten years and it is for the better. I found out that she was a brick in a ocean and was always trying to bring me down.

And I have brothers who I haven't seen for many years, and it is for the better.
My father died almost 2 years ago now, and the will still hasn't been settled, I had to hire an attorney to protect my interests.

With narcissistic personality disorder all their relationships move from love-bombing, then devaluation and the dramatic, hurtful and baffling discard.

And then often after the ghosting comes the hoover.
Months or even years later, like nothing happened: "Oh hi"!

Literally tons of channels on YouTube if you search "NPD - narcissistic personality disorder", so I won't get too detailed.

Just shortly to say the discard is meant to be hurtful, baffling and without a sense of closure.

They like to see you squirm and run after them (it gives them psychological fuel or "supply").

Meanwhile they simply found other supply, for the time being.

Should you take a narcissist back when they hoover?
Generally not, since the cycle will simply repeat itself (and the abuse gets worse each time, since they think you're actually an idiot for running after them).
With family however one sometimes needs to keep the peace and there are techniques for setting boundaries with narcissists e.g. gray rock methods, and giving them as little response and "supply" as possible.
Hopefully they'll move on to another victim.

Just don't think these people are ever your "bestie".
That's just a temporary mask.
One day they'll just ignore you, and you find out they had a smear campaign against you for weeks or months as soon as your back was turned.
You didn't know what you didn't know, but once you do ... hey, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me for allowing it to happen again.