a reply to:
JAGStorm
Spent many of my young adult years living in Florida. I, too, loved life there, everything associated with the ocean especially. Well, everything
except the critters
in said ocean.
But, like you, I couldn't shake the sense that something was wrong, something was off with that State. I could never put it to proper words but I
always felt like I didn't belong there, like
no one belonged there. The only area remotely comparable in this regard was Phoenix, only there
the pervasive sense of dread was infinitely worse than Florida's subtle grim vibe on its worst day.
South Carolina, though... here I've lived amongst the homeless community, albeit in accordance with a strategy of my own creation. And yet, as dismal
as existence at the level of streets and shelters can undeniably be, this could not detract from an overwhelming sense of good, of right, a sense that
finally after a life spent wandering, I was HOME.
I've since managed to elevate my social position somewhat, at least as much as I dare while still remaining nondescript and forgettable. Even so, when
I think back to those first months spent struggling for basic survival as a homeless person, I still remember the pleasant undercurrent that permeated
my darkest days.
I remember crossing the Gervais Street Bridge in the dead of that first winter, hugging myself against the frozen wind gusting off the river, shaking
uncontrollably in the sub-freezing cold. Had you been in a passing vehicle on this day, you'd surely have looked at me in pity immediately and easily
marking me as one of the areas many homeless from the characteristic overstuffed backpack I carried. But, your pity would've been wasted on me because
what you couldn't see as I strode determinedly onward, head down against the chill, was my incongruous but genuine smile.
I smiled then and I still smile now, can't help myself honestly. I smile regardless of my meager, spartan existence. I smile even though my day
sometimes begins and ends in hunger. I smile though I live far beneath my own potential for discretion's sake. I smile in spite of the hell looming
just ahead for all of us. But mostly I smile because I've finally found that place on Earth for which I will fight, kill or die without hesitation or
remorse. I have finally found my
HOME.
Those who would # with that do so at their own peril.