Hi, I just tried my 1st ever short story (100words)

I see the competitions all the time, but never enter as I’m not a writer and just don’t think I could compete.

However I saw the 100 word max competition and thought, “well in think I could manage that?”

So off the top of my head I just started writing
, and was quite surprised by the end result, until I realised the topic was supermatural lol

Oh well, I thought I’d post it anyway for some constructive feedback, as I’d like to know where to improve.

Many thanks
Albert
———————————————————————————————————-

Summer was freezing, she was not the usual warmth and sunshine we’re so accustomed to seeing each year.

Cars slipping on the ice, and some into each other. The sky was dark with a bruised underbelly, and the wind was ferocious with needle sharp teeth.

Some say the warmth and sunshine was never going to return, some were woefully right without even knowing.
Some say it was the heats’ fault, but what heat? It was literally freezing!

Summer shocked everyone this year,

as her car ploughed through the bridge into the freezing lake below.

The End

Hey that's pretty good!
a reply to: Albert999

originally posted by: darkwingduck
Hey that's pretty good!
a reply to: Albert999

Thank you! ☺️🙏🏼

originally posted by: Albert999
I see the competitions all the time, but never enter as I’m not a writer and just don’t think I could compete.

However I saw the 100 word max competition and thought, “well in think I could manage that?”

So off the top of my head I just started writing
, and was quite surprised by the end result, until I realised the topic was supermatural lol

Oh well, I thought I’d post it anyway for some constructive feedback, as I’d like to know where to improve.

Many thanks
Albert
———————————————————————————————————-

Summer was freezing, she was not the usual warmth and sunshine we’re so accustomed to seeing each year.

Cars slipping on the ice, and some into each other. The sky was dark with a bruised underbelly, and the wind was ferocious with needle sharp teeth.

Some say the warmth and sunshine were never going to return, some were woefully right without even knowing.
Some say it was the heats’ fault, but what heat? It was literally freezing!

Summer shocked everyone this year,

as her car ploughed through the bridge into the freezing lake below.

The End

Are you describing the nuances of clown world for dumber folks without saying something important?

ETA: figured I would let you know I was just effing with you and liked your short story. Sometimes people take me seriously and stuff heres a beer

originally posted by: Brotherman

originally posted by: Albert999
I see the competitions all the time, but never enter as I’m not a writer and just don’t think I could compete.

However I saw the 100 word max competition and thought, “well in think I could manage that?”

So off the top of my head I just started writing
, and was quite surprised by the end result, until I realised the topic was supermatural lol

Oh well, I thought I’d post it anyway for some constructive feedback, as I’d like to know where to improve.

Many thanks
Albert
———————————————————————————————————-

Summer was freezing, she was not the usual warmth and sunshine we’re so accustomed to seeing each year.

Cars slipping on the ice, and some into each other. The sky was dark with a bruised underbelly, and the wind was ferocious with needle sharp teeth.

Some say the warmth and sunshine were never going to return, some were woefully right without even knowing.
Some say it was the heats’ fault, but what heat? It was literally freezing!

Summer shocked everyone this year,

as her car ploughed through the bridge into the freezing lake below.

The End

Are you describing the nuances of clown world for dumber folks without saying something important?

ETA: figured I would let you know I was just effing with you and liked your short story. Sometimes people take me seriously and stuff heres a beer

Lol thanks for the ETA and the feedback. Without the ETA I probably would have been temp very confused 😂👍🏼

I like it. With so few words to use, every word must count, so, not trying to be too critical, placing "the end" at the end seemed like you just needed two more words to make 100 total. Otherwise I thought it was quite good. I'd imagine that a story that short would come out sounding more like poetry when each word will have far more impact than longer stories.

originally posted by: MichiganSwampBuck
I like it. With so few words to use, every word must count, so, not trying to be too critical, placing "the end" at the end seemed like you just needed two more words to make 100 total. Otherwise I thought it was quite good. I'd imagine that a story that short would come out sounding more like poetry when each word will have far more impact than longer stories.

Thank you and well spotted, even with ‘the end’I still think I just missed the hundred mark.
I’ve always wanted to try writing, but always got put off by the enormity of the idea. So when I saw the hundred word competition in thought I’d give it a whirl 🍺

..... even with ‘the end’I still think I just missed the hundred mark.

Just for the sake of an FYI

In the official contest going on right now.. your concluding with "the End" is not counted in the 100 count.

I think if you can come up with something paranormal/supernatural/strange or just plain weird, you'll be all set.

Don't forget to read the rules as they are quite lengthy.. but necessary.

Johnny

a reply to: Albert999

That's excellent, Albert. It's something I would be proud to have written. I particularly admire your descriptive ability:

"The sky was dark with a bruised underbelly..."

By the way, in my humble opinion, you are officially a writer... you don't need a label under your name to qualify your work as an artist.

Keep creating, I'm sure you can produce something for the contest. You have until the end of the month.

originally posted by: Encia22
a reply to: Albert999

That's excellent, Albert. It's something I would be proud to have written. I particularly admire your descriptive ability:

"The sky was dark with a bruised underbelly..."

By the way, in my humble opinion, you are officially a writer... you don't need a label under your name to qualify your work as an artist.

Keep creating, I'm sure you can produce something for the contest. You have until the end of the month.

Thank you so much for your kind words ☺️
I just remembered I’ve written a few songs over the years too, I’m sure that helped a lot.
Thanks for the encouragement, I’m not sure I’ll enter the competition though, I might just quit while I’m ahead now! lol

a reply to: JohnnyAnonymous

Yes, I went to the rules thread on this one and noticed that "The End" is to be added at the end and not included in the count. I got one ready to go I'll put up.

originally posted by: JohnnyAnonymous

..... even with ‘the end’I still think I just missed the hundred mark.

Just for the sake of an FYI

In the official contest going on right now.. your concluding with "the End" is not counted in the 100 count.

I think if you can come up with something paranormal/supernatural/strange or just plain weird, you'll be all set.

Don't forget to read the rules as they are quite lengthy.. but necessary.

Johnny

Thanks so much for the tips! Maybe I will have a think about something paranormal after all. If anything good pops up I might just enter. Many thanks again!

originally posted by: MichiganSwampBuck
a reply to: JohnnyAnonymous

I got one ready to go I'll put up.

Look forward to reading that 👍🏼👍🏼

a reply to: Albert999


Hey Albert. I'm finding that we can do away with a lot of the ''ands'' and ''the''s and unneeded verbs. An example from your wonderful story would be

Some say the warmth and sunshine was never going to return, some were woefully right without even knowing.

Some say warming sunshine would never return, some, woefully right without knowing.

That is plus 6 to use elsewhere. Even in that sentence I could save at least one by turning the ''that is'' into ''that's''

I found that Mr. Swampbuck above had an observation that is worthy of repeating.

I'd imagine that a story that short would come out sounding more like poetry when each word will have far more impact than longer stories.

I"m also finding that that ''word counter'' linked by Johnny in the contest announcement thread is really cool. Writing in that counter gives a running total of how many words are being written. Once we are done we can see how many words we are over the limit and hence go back and trim the fat or how many words we are under to go back and add colorful adjectives here and there.

originally posted by: TerryMcGuire
a reply to: Albert999


Hey Albert. I'm finding that we can do away with a lot of the ''ands'' and ''the''s and unneeded verbs. An example from your wonderful story would be

Some say the warmth and sunshine was never going to return, some were woefully right without even knowing.

Some say warming sunshine would never return, some, woefully right without knowing.

That is plus 6 to use elsewhere. Even in that sentence I could save at least one by turning the ''that is'' into ''that's''

I found that Mr. Swampbuck above had an observation that is worthy of repeating.

I'd imagine that a story that short would come out sounding more like poetry when each word will have far more impact than longer stories.

I"m also finding that that ''word counter'' linked by Johnny in the contest announcement thread is really cool. Writing in that counter gives a running total of how many words are being written. Once we are done we can see how many words we are over the limit and hence go back and trim the fat or how many words we are under to go back and add colorful adjectives here and there.

I love it! Thanks! Yes there was something about that sentence that I didn’t like either, but instead of working it out like you, I just said fuggit lol

I’ll use that tip if I think of anything you write about that’s paranormal etc.

I see what you did there

a reply to: Albert999

originally posted by: chris_stibrany
I see what you did there

a reply to: Albert999

Hehe 😁

Dbl