Tom Swifties, fun with words

A break from the politics and general insanity...


I know many of you here are fans of the pun, the spoonerism, the clever rhetorical excursion, and the double entendre. Here are some Tom Swifties.

A Tom Swifty is usually a simple play on words. A person makes a statement, then an adverb is inserted that is relevant to the subject matter. The adverb "qualifies" the pun. Tom Swifties range from real groaners to very clever...nay, brilliant.

Examples:
"I can't find the apples," Bob said fruitlessly.
“That's her fourth candy bar,” Jane snickered.


Some favorites:
"I have a split personality", said John, being frank.
"I used to be a pilot," George explained.
“I dropped the toothpaste”, Ann said, crestfallen.
"My guitar practice isn't going well," Tom fretted.
“Sit at the back of the boat”, Bill said sternly.
“I'm not gay,” Tom said with a straight face.

Some very clever ones:

"The prisoner escaped by climbing down that ladder," the guard said, condescendingly.
"The channel marker is on fire", said Pat, flambuoyantly.
"Despite the rumors, I believe Elvis is dead", said Bob expressly.
"It’s 9:59,” Mary said pretentiously.
“I design and build horizontal kitchen surfaces,” Dave said counterproductively.
“… and you lose some,” concluded Tom winsomely.

a reply to: ColeYounger

Cheers, thanks for those!

They are grand and majestic, Encia22 exclaimed imperiously.

a reply to: ColeYounger

the phrase used in the UK

"Horses for Courses"

when saying it it sounds more like

"Horses F@#k Horses" which is kind of given as the species still exists

a reply to: ColeYounger

Good ones !

" Got anything to go with these fries, " asked Bob saucily ?
" Just bake them in the oven, " Fred chipped-in.
" These fries are for the birds, " Bob chirped.
" Want some soda with those, " asked Pop ?
" These remind me of Mrs. Potatohead, " mused Mr. Potatohead spudiciously.