A story I could have entered into LF2021 if I didn't miss the deadline

As the title says, I could have entered this into the contest if it weren't for the fact I missed the deadline...

You see, I am quite new here, and I did sign up before the competition, but my device was in mobile view back then, so I didn't know about the "forums" button, so I had no idea the Short Stories forum even existed.

And then for some reason I forgot about ATS for a bit (yes, I'm very ashamed of myself) and then one day I remembered and logged on. I was just sort of doing the kind of thing where people in cartoons and things go "ooh, what does this button do" and then they press it and then something happens, usually something bad...but anyways, I was wondering what the "desktop view" button did so I pressed it and then... well, navigating ATS has been so much easier.

Anyways, the story...

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Delgada stood on the bridge of the ship and glared at the small blue planet in front of it. She was really, really annoyed about being dragged all the way from the Andromeda galaxy for this, plus she hadn't slept for twelve months straight...Seriously, how was a regular Xarian meant to live like this?

Her sister Ginari sauntered up behind her. "Hey sis, how's the Planet Clearance procedure going?"

"The virus we planted is causing havoc and the economy is on the verge of collapse," Delgada answered. "They're saying any minute now what the humans call the 'stock market' is going to collapse."

Ginari was quiet for a moment. Then she said, "Are you sure we should be doing this?"

"We were ordered to." Delgada stared at Ginari slightly concerningly. "What's wrong?"

Like all Xarians, Delgada had dark green scaly skin and large pointed ears that sloped back. She was five centimetres taller than the average Xarian and thirty centimetres taller than the average human, and amber eyes with flecks of green and slitted pupils. Ginari was almost identical, but with a shorter figure and violet eyes that darkened into indigo near the pupil.

Ginari mumbled something and stared at her bare feet. (Xarians were the only species in the Andromeda galaxy that didn't like wearing shoes. They also didn't like hats or gloves.)

"Listen, sis," Delgada sighed. "I don't exactly want to do this - all I really want to do is have a good snooze - but if I had more energy I would probably do this without being told. Why? You know from Species Studies about humans, G. They're the most polluting species in the Milky Way. Some of them think they're the only species in the universe. Some of them think they have supreme power over everything that isn't human. They don't even look after their planet. Look at the COP 26. Where did that get them? Nowhere. The world leaders who stood up and made their promises, that Boris Johnson guy, have they kept their promises? No. Even if we don't destroy their planet they'll probably destroy it themselves anyway."

She took a breath before continuing. "Look, from here you can see all the space junk they've put there. And you know how many probes they've crashed into the other planets here. Just look out of that other window. There's what they call the "moon". We're not destroying that, though it needs serious cleaning up. Look. There's junk everywhere. Look, there's what they call a "golf ball". And there's another probe. And on Jupiter...some of the hydrogen fish are traumatised."

"They don't contribute anything to the Universe. Well, anything positive. "

Ginari's earpiece vibrated. "The "stock market" just collapse. You should move onto Stage Three."

Delgada nodded. "Glad you see why this planet has to be destroyed." Then she started the process of draining the planet's atmosphere.

-------------------------------------------------------

I may decide to write a little backstory for the two sisters if this story reaches a certain number of stars/flags...or I may just write one anyway lol.

a reply to: Moonstar7

I think you have the seed of a story and if you have more, why not write more? Everybody loves the flower at the end, but you have water the seed to get there and there isn't much fanfare.

Don't measure the merit of continuing based on the stars and flags here. While there are lots of people that love reading and writing here, it's not a writing forum and often the stories will not got much attention. Grab whatever feedback you can from people that might comment, work on it, and keep going. Once you have something bigger then take it to a writing forum and get some good feedback. I think many of them have a minimum for submission length, probably because it's hard to provide much feedback on super short stuff.

I just checked and saw you've done a fair number of stories. I'll check them out more thoroughly, but just by skimming a bit I can see you're a very competent writer!

a reply to: Ksihkehe
Well, there's pretty much no point of writing a backstory if nobody wants to read it. And I've seen stories much, much shorter.

Yes, I do have a few other short stories. Check them out here.

Thanks to the five people who have starred and/or flagged the OP - or maybe five people starred and five people flagged? And to anyone who hasn't starred/flagged/both, if you want to see a backstory or Part 2, either comment, star or flag! You don't have to do more than one!

originally posted by: Moonstar7
a reply to: Ksihkehe
Well, there's pretty much no point of writing a backstory if nobody wants to read it. And I've seen stories much, much shorter.

Yes, I do have a few other short stories. Check them out here.

Thanks to the five people who have starred and/or flagged the OP - or maybe five people starred and five people flagged? And to anyone who hasn't starred/flagged/both, if you want to see a backstory or Part 2, either comment, star or flag! You don't have to do more than one!

I was encouraging you to write, because you write well, and to not take a lack of stars as a lack of support. Many people read this site without ever signing in so they don't star or flag. I was also giving you information that many people seek out when they enjoy online writing forums.

For the record, I starred and flagged your thread. I wanted to read the rest of the story, which is why I commented and requested you write more. I also bookmarked your profile page to read the rest of your stories and provide feedback if I thought it would be helpful. If you were good I was probably going to give you my email address for any reading or feedback you wanted on larger works, which is really hard to get quality feedback on and I enjoy doing with good writers. You have some quality prose across several of the stories I had already skimmed. This isn't a small compliment, but a large one. A fraction of a percent of what I read is good enough for a closer look. I wanted to see some more before making that decision to offer my support, for free.

When I was struggling to improve my writing I was happy to get even a highly critical response. Any positive response put me over the moon. I've spent tens of thousands of hours working on my writing and it's probably a conservative estimate that several million people have read it. I am still always eager for any feedback I can get because it's so rare to get anything more than a few platitudes. Very few people are willing to spend their time to offer real support to other writers.

For the record, the minimum acceptable response to feedback on your writing is "thank you". That's not some forum rule, but a universal common courtesy one gives to a stranger that takes their time to offer us help and encouragement. I'll refrain from offering encouragement or comments on your other work. It's going to be an incredibly frustrating endeavor for you if this is how you routinely respond to positive feedback.

a reply to: Ksihkehe

I'll refrain from offering encouragement or comments on your other work. It's going to be an incredibly frustrating endeavor for you if this is how you routinely respond to positive feedback.

Nope, not frustrating. And I'm more than happy to get feedback - it's REALLY difficult to get comments on the short stories forum.

So give me all you've got! Break my heart, crush my soul, whatever. Don't hold back. Even if you've got bad feedback to give.

a reply to: Ksihkehe

While there are lots of people that love reading and writing here, it's not a writing forum and often the stories will not got much attention. Grab whatever feedback you can from people that might comment, work on it, and keep going. Once you have something bigger then take it to a writing forum and get some good feedback.

ATS love stories! The little feedback you get is usually encouragement and there is the Collaborative Writing thread, plus a special "Writer" status. And there's the monthly contest.

Also, if

I've spent tens of thousands of hours working on my writing and it's probably a conservative estimate that several million people have read it.

why don't you post a few short stories here too? And if the bit in bold is true, are you a celebrity writer under the alias "Ksihkehe"?

PS: You used "for the record" twice. And for the record, apologies if you took my reply as rude. Plus technically I did say thank you because I did say thank you to the people who have starred and/or flagged, so...

By the way, I don't/can't hold grudges so I won't put nasty comments on anything you post just because of this encounter and I hope you won't either.

Okay, seven stars and seven flags! Good enough for me (most I've got is eight lol). So let's get down to business and write a backstory.

-----------------------------------------------------

Delgada and Ginara had been born and raised on the planet Xaria in the solar system B167, 27 light-years away from the centre of the Andromeda galaxy. Xaria was the commercial capital of Andromeda, so their father had been a crop trader and their mother had worked in a factory manufacturing bulletproof clothing for the Xarian military.

Ginari had always had dreams of being a commander in the Xarian army. Privately, Delgada thought her sister just wasn't cut out to be an army commander. She knew a commander had to be calm, decisive and vigilant. Ginari was none of them.

When Ginari grew up, she decided she didn't want to be a commander anymore, and her sister decided that she did. Delgada went into the police force while Ginari remained unemployed. Delgada was promoted once, twice, four times and Ginari still stayed unemployed. Whatever anyone tried to do Ginari still stayed unemployed.

Then disaster struck - their parents died in a nuclear reactor explosion at a power plant. Thousands of others died too, and Xaria was wrecked. Since it was the commercial capital everything collapsed. Investors lost all their money and banks folded overnight.

Now there were almost no citizens, let alone a police force. The Xarians had mostly fled to planets like Minar and Bojob in other parts of the Andromeda. But Ginari and Delgada had nowhere to go. Delgada promised herself there and then she would look out for her younger sister, no matter what.

All they could do was try to rebuild Xaria from scratch, along with other survivors who'd stayed. It was difficult. Everyone suffered and the work was tiring and arduous. But eventually, it paid off. People came back to Xaria, enough people to redevelop things further, and not too long after, Xaria was the commercial capital again.

For this, Ginari was given a job in Planetary Maintenance. Meanwhile, Delgada was offered a place in the military.

She turned the offer down.

"Why, Delgada?" asked the commander Rarary Yoptal in shock. "You've got the experience, the skills and you could even reach the top and be a commander. Why would you turn down an opportunity like this?"

"I'm working in Planetary Maintenance," Delgada replied calmly. "I'm not separating from my sister."

"You can't work in Planetary Maintenance! A person like you - you're just not the kind-"

"Force me to take another job and I walk," Delgada said quietly. "I'll take Ginari to Minar, they have family-friendly policies there."

Rarary couldn't let Delgada leave and he didn't like what she was insinuating, so he shut up.

As Delgada finished extracting water, minerals and organic matter from the formerly blue planet, she thought about what Rarary had said about her working in Planetary Maintenance. You can't work in Planetary Maintenance! A person like you - you're just not the kind- She sighed - he'd partly been right. This genuinely wouldn't have been her kind of job, but that day when her parents died, she had made herself a promise. She wasn't going to break it.

-----------------------------------------------------

Awww...she threw away one of her biggest ambitions for her sister...

Hope you liked this bit - if I get more stars/flags I may decide to write more.