It's Sad to see someone Crash & Burn

I've seen it so many times, people who are good people who are just so self-destructive that they can't help but crash & burn over and over. It's like there is this switch which just turns "ON" all of a sudden and they just floor it and drive straight into oncoming traffic. Usually, some shocking or tragic event makes them swear it will never happen again, but it always does. Some say alcohol, or drugs, are the cause, but I'm not so sure. I think it's just their mentality.

I had a friend once, in HS, he was an all-state wrestler and likely Olympic candidate. Months later both of his parents died within about 3 months of each other. We were seniors at the time. His name was Jim. In just about any social setting, after a while, he would get mad, just mad at everything. Alcohol only made it worse, but he wasn't an alcoholic. Then he'd want to fight. We all understood and sympathized with his situation, but his self destructive ways just took control of him to the point where no one could reason with him. Jim never really gave a crap about anything even before his parents died. He was just gonzo all the time. Even though he was willed a house and a fortune in money, it didn't matter; he only became worse.

One night Jim got really drunk and came home to his house late and opened up all the windows. It was -30F below zero that night. Jim froze to death. Alone.

A short time later when Jim's funeral rolled around, few if any of his friends were there. He had alienated everyone around him. He said he didn't want anyone, he didn't need anyone...and he died alone. And, he was buried nearly alone too. I was there to pay my respects, but many of his best friends later said..."F# him, he was an ass####...he threw us all away, for nothing, and all we did was try to help him, so screw him!". That is his only memory to them. Pretty sad.

Perhaps we all know someone like Jim. I've known more than a couple, and the ending was always similar.

Please Lord, understand that Jim was my friend, but never let me traverse the same path as he did, nor be as self-destructive as he was. Let us all learn from him.

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

You write some of the most poignant and thought-provoking threads, it's appreciated. Made me think of a few buddies too not gonna lie.

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

I think we all know a Jim pal, unfortunately the only person that can really help is themselves.

I've lost quite a few friends to suicide, last year my mate of 30 years stepped in front of a car on the motorway after his partner kicked him out. Again, alcohol was a big factor in his life although he was always a crazy SOB. I spoke to him a few months earlier when he was living on another friends sofa and offered him to come sleep in my spare room and a job working for me, also sent him some money. He used the money on booze and it was the last i ever heard from him.

Quite a few of my friends are gone now. I suppose we have all known a few like your friend Jim. A lot of young people, my self included, have harboured a violent or self destructive spirit. Some how I survived mine, I owe my life to my wife. She changed my very existence. Sometimes all it takes is someone to love, and someone to return that love.

It is sad. I have the same issue with becoming very angry. It had to do with work place abuse. You are talking punching holes in the wall angry. But I went to therapy and it helped a lot.

I still get triggered especially in this Covid crisis.

originally posted by: Nickn3
Quite a few of my friends are gone now. I suppose we have all known a few like your friend Jim. A lot of young people, my self included, have harboured a violent or self destructive spirit. Some how I survived mine, I owe my life to my wife. She changed my very existence. Sometimes all it takes is someone to love, and someone to return that love.

I believe the same about my ex, sometimes you need somebody to take that edge off.

Mhm a painfully true story no doubt. It is correct what you say about the self destruction I have had the pleasure of being Jim and shoving everyone I ever lived away so I could hopefully die alone. I also have had the pleasure of cutting a few Jim’s out of my life in order to literally save my own life.

Life is funny sometimes happiness is fickle and I am happy that I am no longer Jim.

I live a life of sobriety, years now but inside I still have the same angry, hateful and resenting pit at my core. I cope better now with my feelings but I am far from perfect. I know it’s time to reflect and realign my moral compass when I find myself pushing people away and attempting to isolate.

Thanks for sharing it’s always a good reminding how easy it is to slip into the abyss.

It’s like you say a switch is hit. For me even in sobriety it’s possible to lose all control and self annihilate when the right buttons are pushed. The plandemic has been….trying..

Same as others I owe my life and happiness to my wife who stood by me

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk
This is an important topic. Thanks for sharing it.

My Jim was actually called Jim too. He was an Indigenous man of the Kwakwaka'wakw tribe and raised in the aftermath of the residential schools and barbaric laws destroying his culture. I'm not surprised he went on a downward spiral and many of his immediate family did too. But his downward spiral was always with an impish grin on his face.

He also drank too much and nearly froze to death getting stuck head first in a snow bank looking for a bottle of vodka he'd dropped. Lost in a snow storm on a ski mountain, he gained consciousness and made it to the parking lot where he found a car unlocked. Another time he passed out from pills with his face jammed under the passenger side tire of my dad's truck. It was the snoring that alerted my dad otherwise he would have run over his head. That's how they met. My dad came to the room I was sleeping in and growled "you left something in the driveway."

We secretly got married four days after meeting. We were both self destructive in our belief we were pursuing freedom or maybe were just black sheep no matter what culture we came from. I'm from scotland and they have a word there for people like that... fey. Destined to die young. It's what the old folks whispered when they sensed it. In my case fate intervened but usually it takes you out.

My Jim died of a heroin overdose. I was heartbroken for many years. Hearing an elder from his tribe sing Amazing Grace in their language was chilling and hearing all the stories of how shocked other drug user were made me realize all the close calls I'd had myself. That day his death changed the trajectory of my life and I slowly began to pick my way to a healthier life and the understanding that being an outsider doesn't mean you have to self destruct.

While most people dismiss these fey people, I feel they are very special teachers for others. We hold them in our hearts. I owe a lot to my Jim.

originally posted by: Athetos

The plandemic has been….trying..

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

In all my years of heavy drinking/using drugs/depression I've ever experienced anything as soul crushing as the plandemic, especially having the insight many of us have here. It hit me full force and took a lot my recovery with it. ATS became my lifeline as there was literally no one I could talk to about it. Very challenging when you've already crawled out of the abyss to find yourself hanging over the edge again. You're sure not alone on that one.

originally posted by: igloo
a reply to: Flyingclaydisk
This is an important topic. Thanks for sharing it.

My Jim was actually called Jim too. He was an Indigenous man of the Kwakwaka'wakw tribe and raised in the aftermath of the residential schools and barbaric laws destroying his culture. I'm not surprised he went on a downward spiral and many of his immediate family did too. But his downward spiral was always with an impish grin on his face.

He also drank too much and nearly froze to death getting stuck head first in a snow bank looking for a bottle of vodka he'd dropped. Lost in a snow storm on a ski mountain, he gained consciousness and made it to the parking lot where he found a car unlocked. Another time he passed out from pills with his face jammed under the passenger side tire of my dad's truck. It was the snoring that alerted my dad otherwise he would have run over his head. That's how they met. My dad came to the room I was sleeping in and growled "you left something in the driveway."

We secretly got married four days after meeting. We were both self destructive in our belief we were pursuing freedom or maybe were just black sheep no matter what culture we came from. I'm from scotland and they have a word there for people like that... fey. Destined to die young. It's what the old folks whispered when they sensed it. In my case fate intervened but usually it takes you out.

My Jim died of a heroin overdose. I was heartbroken for many years. Hearing an elder from his tribe sing Amazing Grace in their language was chilling and hearing all the stories of how shocked other drug user were made me realize all the close calls I'd had myself. That day his death changed the trajectory of my life and I slowly began to pick my way to a healthier life and the understanding that being an outsider doesn't mean you have to self destruct.

While most people dismiss these fey people, I feel they are very special teachers for others. We hold them in our hearts. I owe a lot to my Jim.

Respect.

I've been through my own problems with addiction, and hearing how someone took what could be a negative and used it to solidify their resolve to overcome, is always powerful.

Jim is proud of you, I guarantee it.

I am too. We can overcome.

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

Poignant thread.

Serious and thought provoking.

Guys like Jim save lives sometimes, even after they are dead and gone.

Telling the story makes that happen.

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

I’m dealing with such a friend right now....sucks.
Many guys that go offshore fit nowhere else in society.
I’ve lost track of just the overdose deaths over the decades, friends I never imagined seeing them do the things they did.
These guys crash, there’s often little left to burn.
When they finally hit they just vaporize, there is little up and down.
There but for the grace of God go I.....

PS: What always surprises me is how many I’ve seen crash and burn is because they could not handle success.
They literally had no idea how to live their lives without drama etc.
It sure is sad to watch.....

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

Sorry for Jim and that he died alone.

I grew up with someone similar to Jim and was pretty close friends with him. He's still alive (as far as I know), but unfortunately I lost touch with him. He used to reach out every few years to see if we could help him financially, and usually we helped however we could. If it wasn't for my wife helping me to "settle down and grow up", I may have taken the same path and made many of the bad choices that my friend did.

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

Most people who probably would have called themselves 'friends' at some point I got rid off and am very happy about that.
In my experience they're boring and dumb and most of the time just want something, those 'friends'.
I'm so much more happy without them.
I'm not interested to hear what you had for breakfast you don't have to call me to talk about what your boy-/girlfriend just did, I literally couldn't care less if you want to buy x or y.
And if I feel social, I just have to step outside there are people everywhere and almost all of them are open to spend some time, chat or whatever.
I hope I die alone.
I can read/research/work without someone whining 'you never have time for me'. I can be naked whenever I want. Eat what I want.
That sounds selfish maybe, but ...

I was friends with a girl my age: 'ey let's go to Amsterdam'
me: 'cool' and literally a minute after arrival I realised I would be paying for #ing everything
Who wants that?

A woman I was friends with because we both had horses, constantly told me what I had to do and what a difficult dangerous beast my darling was, while hers had an unattended food injury, she couldn't even tie him up, he was like 7 or so on a level of a 3 year old while mine did basically almost everything from jumping to piaffe...
Why would I want someone like that in my life?

To sit around a bbq in summers watch them get drunk and talk crap that really doesn't interest me?
For the occassional party after which it takes 3 days (true story) to get rid off them again while I'd really have other more important, interesting and nicer things to do.
It's not worth it honestly.
I am much happier this way. And I think it's odd how 'friends' are somehow a measure of happiness.
Sounds like Jim would have had a lot of friends and it didn't make him happy or was helpful to him or whatever.