Humblebrag Contest

It’s the weekend. It’s s beautiful morning. I don’t know about you, but I’d like to take a step away from all the crazy talk and serious goings-on in the world —just for a minute. Take a breather and just laugh. To that end, I’m looking for examples of a good ‘humblebrag’ (real or ludicrously false). If you didn’t already know what a humblebrag is, it’s when someone claims misfortune or deprecates an accomplishment of theirs while not-so-secretly bragging. The example I found online was “Damn! I just spilled wine on my new book contract!” LOL. What a wanker…
Any humblebrags you’ve been meaning to trot out? Again, they can be entirely made up. I’ll start.

I’d like to go to the concert tonight, but my yacht’s dumping oil in the marina. Takes all day to fix it!

a reply to: Thoughtcrime

The wind and rain hitting the windshield on my Tycan is too noisy.

a reply to: Thoughtcrime

Not only is the water cold, it's deep.

I knew a girl who was so conceited, she would actually say humblebrags like this:

"I hardly got any sleep, so I know I looked awful! I put my hair in a ponytail and threw on a sweatshirt and sweatpants.
I went to the store, then put gas in my car. Two guys hit on me at the store, and one guy asked me out when I was at the gas station!"

originally posted by: ThatDamnDuckAgain
a reply to: Thoughtcrime

The wind and rain hitting the windshield on my Tycan is too noisy.

🤣🤣🤣

Awesome! VERY strong start!

originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus
a reply to: Thoughtcrime

Not only is the water cold, it's deep.

Ooof! Love it! Very subtle…😉

originally posted by: ColeYounger
I knew a girl who was so conceited, she would actually say humblebrags like this:

"I hardly got any sleep, so I know I looked awful! I put my hair in a ponytail and threw on a sweatshirt and sweatpants.
I went to the store, then put gas in my car. Two guys hit on me at the store, and one guy asked me out when I was at the gas station!"

The very definition of Humblebrag. LOL. ‘Girl, get ovah ya self!’

a reply to: Thoughtcrime

Isn't from me, even TopGear stole it, it's a running gag among those who have to deal with that horrible situation.

a reply to: Thoughtcrime

Then there is the true story of the actress who said she just couldn't believe People magazine chose her as one of the world's most beautiful people. She said "In the photo they have, I wasn't even wearing makeup!"
All I know about her was that she was in a Bruce Willis "Die Hard" movie.

There are people walking their dog and let it pee on my lake view property- I didn’t say anything though cause I’m cool like that.😎
Or another for you(this is fun):
My tomato plants are 7 feet tall and now the heat is hampering their fruit production. Ho hum woe is me.
🤪

Is this diamond too big for my small hand?

originally posted by: ColeYounger
a reply to: Thoughtcrime

Then there is the true story of the actress who said she just couldn't believe People magazine chose her as one of the world's most beautiful people. She said "In the photo they have, I wasn't even wearing makeup!"
All I know about her was that she was in a Bruce Willis "Die Hard" movie.

Yeah, that’s pretty bad. Sounds about right for any actor/actress. Yuk.

a reply to: ColeYounger

humblebrags like this:

"I hardly got any sleep, so I know I looked awful! I put my hair in a ponytail and threw on a sweatshirt and sweatpants.
I went to the store, then put gas in my car. Two guys hit on me at the store, and one guy asked me out when I was at the gas station!"

That's not a humble brag - what's humble about that? It's just a brag containing an exaggerated contrast explaining just _HOW_ attractive she is - she doesn't even need make-up to draw in male attention!

Of course that will change once she hits the wall, but she probably doesn't want to think about that.

On the other hand, it's not MUCH of a brag, because what woman CAN'T draw in male attention? A woman would have to be _RIDICULOUSLY_ repulsive and disgusting in all possible levels and ways to NOT be able to get male attention, especially if there's a 'promise of copulation' in the air (or anywhere else).

It's like saying 'I breathed and walked today' - a woman doesn't need ANY effort to draw in male attention, it's easier than pie (weird saying, considering that making a pie is actually be pretty difficult).

a reply to: Thoughtcrime

It’s the weekend. It’s s beautiful morning. I don’t know about you, but I’d like to take a step away from all the crazy talk and serious goings-on in the world —just for a minute. Take a breather and just laugh.

Nooooo!! Stop that immediately!

You are not supposed to detach yourself, have fun, remember your humanity or how governments + corporations do not have a lawful right to boss you around.

How the heck can you expect to live in FEAR and OPPRESSION if you are able to suddenly let go like that, EVEN for a minute?!

GO BACK to your fear and obedience, this kind of attitude will break the whole system, and TPTB doesn't like that! BACK TO YOUR CELL, PRISONER!!

a reply to: ColeYounger

Then there is the true story of the actress who said she just couldn't believe People magazine chose her as one of the world's most beautiful people. She said "In the photo they have, I wasn't even wearing makeup!"

There's SO much that could be said about this, my brain is about to explode.

Isn't it strange, how women seem to equate 'beauty' with 'make-up'? Or at least give make-up some kind of magical powers of making someone 'not-beautiful' into 'beautiful', and think there's nothing wrong with covering their ACTUAL beauty with some chemicals so she will look exactly like every other woman, instead of displaying the unique features of her actual, real face?

To me, it's deceitful, it's exploitation, it's like visual form of lying.

Someone that's actually beautiful, will only become 'mediocre and slightly robotic-looking' with make-up, they won't become more beautiful, they won't 'slightly enhance their existing beauty'. Sure, in some circumstances, there can be a strong impact with make-up, in others, a real dogface (my apologies to actual dogs) can be made to look 'almost passable' with make-up, and in the right hands, photoshop and make-up can perform visual miracles.

However, to me, it's strange how 'normal' and 'accepted' this kind of lying is. If men lie about their jobs trying to pick up a woman, they're vilified and the whole world shames and wants to punch them. How DARE they lie to WAHMEN!!

But when women lie as casual everyday thing and then even wonder why anyone would think they're beautiful WITHOUT their visual lies, the world just sighs at her humility and kindness - what a wonderful angel, doesn't even need to lie to be beautiful, and doesn't even understand how anyone could think she's beautiful without a layer of visual lies that destroy her original visuals and make her look like everyone else. What an amazing example of the wonder of humanity.

Another thing that comes to mind, is that does she really think things are exactly as they seem, magazines and corporations make their 'picks' PURELY based on 'beauty', instead of anything political or corporate image-based reasons? They would choose the ugliest hippoface as the 'most beautiful woman in the world' if that advanced their agenda or increased their profits or made their stockholders happy - they don't care, and they are not the ultimate measuring stick of what is beautiful and what isn't (and 'reader' or 'viewer' votes are rigged just as easily as presidential elections, if not easier).

The implications of what she's really saying are also kind of staggering - basically, the message is: "I am ugly without visual lies, but this magazine labeled me 'beautiful' nevertheless'. So is she saying these magazines actually DO choose ugly women, or that they should only choose women, chose face is covered with chemical lies? Is she saying that no one can be beautiful without make-up, or that she is SO beautiful that she doesn't even need to visually lie?

So many questions, so little time..