Love is something I definitely don't understand despite that I'm a huge sucker for it.
I feel it and know that's what this experience is but I've learned to not trust it.
If I had a shred of evidence to prove Love is worth trusting in I wouldn't be here now.
I spent my whole life blindly trusting in Love and every single time I believed in a fantasy, a lie.
That sounds pretty terrible but if God's real it'll get fixed right?
The only way I found happiness this summer for a brief moment in my life was because I pushed all of these things away and just tried my best to not
think about it and not care.
To just get over the fact I seek Love but never find it.
I'm like the most creatively romantic and divinely inspired person there is, when I feel it. So really it's a huge loss I can't express it and no one
receives it.
Almost everything I wrote has been inspired by my Love and Faith, though that may not be apparent.
I have seriously considered creating threads where I just express my feelings to the Goddess - the point of the thread is for others to see and learn
from.
But I wouldn't be talking to any person. I'd be expressing my deepest notions and people could finally see inside me to know what I'm really made
of.
I'm reluctant to show this because I only know of abuse and mistreatment. I don't feel good about letting anyone know my deeper feelings any more.
My feelings are a crime.
I am made to be ashamed for who I am.
My trial starts Friday...
I don't want to go.
I wanna run to Belize or never be born or something.
I am being destroyed because I Loved and am too nice. I just get walked on and stomped in the face and then I feel the dirt fall on me as I'm buried
alive.
That's my experience.
Suffocation.
Because I have this huge treasure inside of the best content ever and I can tie it all into itself in magical ways and just keep upping the game like
there's no limit to my Spirit.
Not being able to express this energy properly leaves me super frustrated and angry with everyone. Like I have no tolerance for anything sometimes and
I get ruthless with it. It's pretty screwed up.
I don't think any of this is right.
I should be allowed to speak my Heart.
Living in a world that censors and punishes me for my genuine and good emotions is so upsetting I start becoming this monster inside and ....