Voluntarily celibate for 12 years now.

a reply to: MerkabaTribeEntity

If you can make it 20 years and still feel the love you are definitely doing something right in my uneducated opinion. I hope her health improves.

a reply to: DictionaryOfExcuses

I have never had any attraction to children whatsoever, or to anything other than adult women.

I am not a catholic and don't seem to be an apologist for them, but for every pedophile priest there are non-pedophiles who I believe can achieve full and spiritually beneficial chastity.

I'll also repeat that I looked at Eastern traditions too, where there are also ancient roads of self-denial: not just sex but fasting and extreme acetic practices. The early and medieval Christians were big into hair shirts, voluntary poverty, and other forms of discipline besides chastity. I haven't practiced any of this but it's kind of sad that self-denial has gone so far out of fashion that it is believed impossible without horrible temptations like child abuse and the like. Nobody can deny it happens but I don't think it's ever been the majority response, east or west.

originally posted by: Never Despise
a reply to: putnam6

That's good...it's good you are both on the same page about things too...to each their own; I make no judgements. Especially as yours is the more "normal" way.

Looking back at my life I have had about half a dozen partners besides my wife so I was fairly active as a young man although not exceptionally so. But my father was a huge womanizer and I grew up in a kind of commune where sex was used among adults in an unhealthy way, as a token for power. (If you are bored enough you can read about my twisted childhood in the link in my signature.) While I was never sexually abused as a child, it is possible that I internalized negative associations with sex based on what my father and his friends did with sex and power in this community.

Anyway, I had my adolescent and early marriage experiences so I don't feel I've totally missed out on this dimension of life.

I went without sex more often and for longer after I had been married for about 10 years. We drifted apart and she used sex as a weapon, I am sure I did too at some point. It's crazy because the sex was the main reason we got married,once I got a divorce. I was down a little bit but after awhile I found somebody and it was great LOL again for about 10 years till we broke up. Still I put myself out there and ultimately there is always someone to date and mess around with if you are willing to put in the effort.

I think the OP's honesty is refreshing.

There is more to life than sex.

I think celibacy is probably more common than people want to admit, and people fool themselves if they think the “pause” in sex is temporary. By being honest, the pressure to perform is lifted. My sister was quite (er) active in her youth and was married twice, but now she fully admits that she’s happy not to share a bed with anyone anymore.

a reply to: Never Despise

Thanks for your thoughts. I'd like to reiterate that my question wasn't meant as an insinuation and I sincerely hope you didn't take it as such. Nor did I intend to come across that I thought this and other forms of self-denial were doomed to morbid or perverse unintended consequences, but on the topic of how far it has fallen out of fashion, I couldn't agree more.

I've experimented with fasting and circled a celibate lifestyle myself several times but didn't quite manage to stick with it...yet.

Well it does take all kinds
It is a very sexualised world, pretty much designed to encourage promiscuity and lust

I see nothing wrong with your choice, just makes me wonder what your social outlet is, what do you do. As a male, I feel female company, interaction is still very important, that connection with the feminine.

So, all and any future relationships of the table, no chance of a fair maiden slipping on a bridle
No chance a flash may notice you into another relationship, ever, prefer to grow old alone

originally posted by: Raggedyman

I see nothing wrong with your choice, just makes me wonder what your social outlet is, what do you do.

I spend a lot of time alone, reading and writing and working in my garden. I have rough drafts for several books, and I don't really care if they are ever published or not. I sometimes pick an obscure topic to research: a few years ago I compiled a huge dossier on the local history of a small nearby rural town, going back to the colonial period. Why? It was a place that seemed like nothing ever happened, but I uncovered some old secrets which made me feel like I accomplished something. I like the fact that I've kept this info secret, too. I spend a lot of time at work. I am a kind of chemist, and I am also trying to pioneer a new way to leech toxins out of ruined soil. Not much luck but it keeps me busy. I'm interested in all kinds of world religious history, especially early Christianity and medieval Buddhism. Occasionally I go on internet posting jags, like today, but rarely. I like being an uncle to my big sister's kids.

To paraphrase Kurt Vonnegut, society and I have reached a sort of mutually agreeable consensus to leave each other alone.

I applaud you op. I'm going on 40 days of abstinence, and I'll keep going as long as I can until the wife starts complaining, ha.

a reply to: Never Despise

Sparky comment: I understand the first 7 years. After that, ya lost me.


Not so snarky: I can't imagine the level of self control needed to accomplish that goal. Kudos....I think.

a reply to: Never Despise

Interesting “confession”. You profess to being happy. I’m happy for you. You’re articulate and frank...qualities I greatly admire. I wish you continued progress and success with your life choices.

i cannot speak to your story.

but i know TWO idiot friends of mine who are straight up lazy.
they say they are 'celebate'

but when they get drunk, and a girl mildly talks to them, they get excited until they wuss out and do not try.

at least for my friends, they are dorks who would rather cry 'im celebate' instead of going out and working to get sex.

this is just their story. but i also know a girl, a lawyer no less, who went and bought sperm, instead of settling on a boyfriend.

again, she is upper middle class, she would have ZERO trouble finding some little illegal husband.
yet she buys sperm instead of going out to work to get sex.

getting sex is hard work, at least for me.
so i have no respect for these 3 friends of mine.

my story, not yours!

as for your story-

life is what you make up of it.
for me, sex is the greatest fun on the planet, by far.
i want to have as much of it as possible.

the only thing i think is to go abstain from, is carbs, and only cause carbs make you gain weight.
im an endomorph lol.

Here is an interesting site with some resources on the topic at hand for anyone who is interested.

selfdefinition.org...

Like I said it's not for everyone but it's one approach to to life.

a reply to: dantanna

After reading your post I am pretty sure the stories of you and your friends are quite different from my story.

That's OK. As you correctly say, life is what you make of it. I'm glad you get pleasure out of sex and I wish you a safe and happy time in all that you do.

originally posted by: Never Despise
a reply to: KansasGirl

Thank you for your kind words. No porn for me, no "self love" even (with a very few slip ups in the early years), I have dreams, that's beyond my control. But they don't last long and in recent years are hardly about anything at all.

I realized if I was going to make it work I would have to go all the way, like a kind of secular yogi. I studied and employed ideas and inspiration from the kind of writing I mentioned in the first post. Looking at it as a kind of psychospiritual quest really helped me especially in the early years. Later it became second nature so to speak.

There is a spiritual component but I share the belief common to many seekers that it is somehow wrong to talk about spiritual accomplishments; there is the risk of arrogance and churlishness. So I just say it has made me stronger in a very unusual way.

One catholic priest wrote of his multidecade celibacy as a kind of "armor," something he saw as a strengthening gift rather than an effort or burden. I like this outlook very much.

www.bing.com... %3Fq%3Dtime-lapse%2Bbutterfly%26FORM%3DHDRSC3

originally posted by: dantanna
i cannot speak to your story.

but i know TWO idiot friends of mine who are straight up lazy.
they say they are 'celebate'

but when they get drunk, and a girl mildly talks to them, they get excited until they wuss out and do not try.

at least for my friends, they are dorks who would rather cry 'im celebate' instead of going out and working to get sex.

this is just their story. but i also know a girl, a lawyer no less, who went and bought sperm, instead of settling on a boyfriend.

again, she is upper middle class, she would have ZERO trouble finding some little illegal husband.
yet she buys sperm instead of going out to work to get sex.

getting sex is hard work, at least for me.
so i have no respect for these 3 friends of mine.

my story, not yours!

as for your story-

life is what you make up of it.
for me, sex is the greatest fun on the planet, by far.
i want to have as much of it as possible.

the only thing i think is to go abstain from, is carbs, and only cause carbs make you gain weight.
im an endomorph lol.

Lolll......give er bullets.....they dont call it the Human Race for nothing man...dont slow down until you have to......lol...lol...lol.

originally posted by: Never Despise

originally posted by: Raggedyman

I see nothing wrong with your choice, just makes me wonder what your social outlet is, what do you do.

I spend a lot of time alone, reading and writing and working in my garden. I have rough drafts for several books, and I don't really care if they are ever published or not. I sometimes pick an obscure topic to research: a few years ago I compiled a huge dossier on the local history of a small nearby rural town, going back to the colonial period. Why? It was a place that seemed like nothing ever happened, but I uncovered some old secrets which made me feel like I accomplished something. I like the fact that I've kept this info secret, too. I spend a lot of time at work. I am a kind of chemist, and I am also trying to pioneer a new way to leech toxins out of ruined soil. Not much luck but it keeps me busy. I'm interested in all kinds of world religious history, especially early Christianity and medieval Buddhism. Occasionally I go on internet posting jags, like today, but rarely. I like being an uncle to my big sister's kids.

To paraphrase Kurt Vonnegut, society and I have reached a sort of mutually agreeable consensus to leave each other alone.

Sex and Society are no the same things Lobsang.Self-Immolation is the path to self-observation which is the path to self-realisation which is the.....well you get it.....you an an elevated path.....who knows why?....thats the beauty of your little Mystery isnt it?..... the Why?