All the pieces..

Reflecting on past experiences and some things started to come together finally worked out things I wish I had known so many years ago.

It was a bit of a shocker to be honest, but it leaves me with a 'and now what' thing going off in my head. Do I just shrug and carry on, or make some pretty hefty decisions and upset what remnants of any applecart I have now ?

What would you do?

a reply to: Tie No Bows!

perhaps a bit more detail would help here?

sounds like you've been trying to get a particular girl(?)… and things started going your way?

Married now getting on for 40 yrs or so, so some new girl isnt in the picture.

Try this on....Way back in the day, I was 17y and one day a girl I knew turned up at my door ( we didnt live close) her sister in tow and things were kinda surreal' She was giving all the signals that....well you what....
So her sis bugged out and things happened, just two two kids, summer...you get the picture.
But when I sit back now and do the math, I realised that the kid she had later was mine !!!!
We had met in the normal course of things, I even lived in her flat for a while, but far as I knew the kid was none of my business. No drama, her life is her life.
I contacted her on FB and it was all rather strange....She didnt no who I was, despite living next door for years and being her first time with a guy. But no...blanked me. Knew my ex-wife, my current wife and my own son by name, but not me apparently. Eventually only vaguely.

WHAM!
Howdya like them apples kid ?

a reply to: Akragon

a reply to: Tie No Bows!

o...k

so I wasn't even close lol

Well... i'd say IF the "kid" isn't in the picture leave it that way, unless they want to know you... unless you've had genetic tests done theres no way to be sure he/she is actually yours. Keep in mind women have sh!t tons of options at all times... just because you had a thing with this girl does not mean she didn't do the same with 10 other guys.

just my two cents

originally posted by: Tie No Bows!
Reflecting on past experiences and some things started to come together finally worked out things I wish I had known so many years ago.

If you hadn't done the time, you wouldn't know the things you now believe you do.

Beware a second wave as a reminder.

Sit on the applecart, enjoy an apple, smile and see the beauty all around you.

Other than that, there is probably no need to do anything but enjoy the ride.

originally posted by: Tie No Bows!
But when I sit back now and do the math, I realised that the kid she had later was mine !!!!
We had met in the normal course of things, I even lived in her flat for a while, but far as I knew the kid was none of my business. No drama, her life is her life.

Too many assumptions......

You said it "Her life is her life"

Make no mistake if she wanted you to know (IF that was the case)

You would know!

You can't for certain know the kid is yours, not to mention she sounds like she is fine you are fine to let sleeping dogs lie. Besides, how is your wife gonna take the news, your family? you got a bit os responsibility to them don't you think after all they are completely ignorant of this.

I knew this girl for years, so knew her pretty well, she didnt sleep around. That time was her first time and mine!
Its just the timescale is pretty narrow that and her strange comments on FB.

Hey Im not going to intrude on someone elses life, that would be selfish.
So theres a chance of another son and a granddaughter too, my wife and I had actually discussed such a scenario with no acrimony. Life is full of surprises eh?

The kicker for me was remembering playing football with the little guy in the garden, letting him 'ride' my motorbike and mini runs up an down the street with him on the tank. Watching TV with him sprawled across me. Then he was a girl I knew's son, boy was I blind.

Just making a note of it. In this day and age something you could do is take one of those genetic tests just to have your DNA in the records. If it's your kid and they are curious and they have their DNA mapped then they could find you that way.

Otherwise I would let the sleeping dogs sleep. Hopefully it's far too late for them to ask for financial support of any kind. Or ask for any part of your estate after your passing at this point. Might want to update your will if you have any worries about that.

The young man appears happily married, intelligent and all set to enjoy a happy life, Im not about to mess that up.
My wife and I had already discussed a scenario where if someone appears on my doorstep as a result of a previous encounter.
We're cool with it, my own son...I dont know, I'll play that when and if I have too. I always looked forward to being Grandpa at this stage in life, my sons gay, so game over on that field. The other young man has a beautiful daughter, that may well be my granddaughter....now that IS painful.
a reply to: ntech

a reply to: Tie No Bows!

Others already gave you the same advice I would, so I focus on something different.

Theoretic scenario
So just in case you have 100% proof it is your child... what you do not do is write a letter, that your kid will receive after you passed away, telling it you are the father. Wait. Not saying you would, I do not know you but just in case:

If the mother does not contact you on this matter, you keep it to yourself. It isn't as much of a relief to you than it is pain to the receiver. Been on the receiving end of this and it destroyed me.

It's a chance we take, not knowing which decision to make. A roll of the dice and hoping it lands on what your heart truly desires. Whatever the choice may be, make sure it is one YOU are making for yourself. Not for the benefit and happiness of those around you, but for you.

Best of luck.