Elon and Sheila [AI2019]

The damn coffee had gone cold by the time he’d gotten down. The SX-20 hit high heat and it came back out smoking in seconds. Elon sat back down at the table and couldn’t help but smile, boy he loved his gizmos.
His neighbours and friends all thought he was a bit wacky due to his eccentricity, the fact that he was hitting almost seventy but still skated around the block in his underpants wearing the new VR goggles. He couldn’t help it though. Growing up his family had been pretty poor and the hours he’d spent hacking away at engineering and coding his projects had been his only escape from it all.

Sitting there now, looking at all of the things he’d given life to he couldn’t help but feel proud, proud he’d given humanity the gift of intelligent robotic beings and systems self-manageable, proud of every little thing he’d created. Every little-

“Hey honey, you sleep ok?”

Except her that was. Elon stared at her over the cup as she entered the kitchen. Elon Musk was not a man that hated things, but if there was one thing he hated it was his … wife.

“Did you see the new neighbours across the way? The Chaucer’s I believe they’re called. We should blah blah blah blah, blah blag bah, blah bag bah bah.

He thought about hitting her with the coffee cup, but what would that solve. Just waste a good cup of coffee is all. No, a mind like his could find a way to solve this situation. Solve it good.

“And they have a cute little terrier too, have one of those little pink dresses you put them in, can you believe it?!”

Elon stood up, put the cup in the Vacuum Sitex and scratched his beard. It was getting long now. How he hated his beard, but not as much as…

“And the market has shot up by 17%, can you believe it? You were right about them self-sustaining cerebrum tanks, why didn’t you get into that by the way? You really let your focus slip Musky buns, why that Steve Jobs had the right idea in mind when he froze his genetic material and pre-developed the blueprints for the system, that’s a genius right there, a genius!”

Elon’s hand slowly dropped to the sharp object on the counter, he’d had enough of her.
“And don’t get me started on the Gates twins, why did you see the new super complex on Mars? That should have been you Musky buns, but look at them now!”
The tip slowly bit into the hole, releasing the high pitched noise, pleasingly like the sound of pain Elon thought. He held the screwdriver there, not letting off for a moment. She vibrated, twitched, but there was no getting away now. Ten more seconds and then her system would be wiped. Thank hell he’d never gotten married; imagine having to listen to this every day, how would you ever get anything done?

“System Restore complete.”

“Gooood, now go clean up.”

“Yes Elon.”

The Sheila Bot 2600 stood up and went back to work. Elon looked around for his underpants, found them drying over the toaster. Putting them on, he grabbed his skateboard and the VR goggles and left to go reign havoc on the neighbours.

Perhaps the Trumps today.

The End.

Interesting, but why didn't Elon program her for ass kissing repertoire instead? lol Can we assume Elon was cray cray?

a reply to: InTheLight

I think he's halfway there as it is, but yes, geniuses sometimes have a tendency to lose connection with reality, and if anyone deserves to be a crazy scientist, it's Elon Musk!

Sure would be better things you could program her to do alright, but being International Women's Day and all I thought Old Sheila needed a rest.

Thanks for reading it!

a reply to: RoryRahl23

What rest? Elon ordered Sheila to clean up, that ain't no resting. lol

a reply to: RoryRahl23

geniuses sometimes have a tendency to lose connection with reality

Yeah, like forgetting he was married; a couple of times.

On September 13, 2008, she announced that she and Musk were getting a divorce. She later wrote an article for Marie Claire entitled "I Was a Starter Wife" detailing the ways in which the marriage was unhealthy, including that he frequently belittled her, discouraged her from career pursuits, and pressured her to dye her hair blonde. Still, she claimed to have been a "model ex-wife," on good terms with Musk's second ex-wife, Talulah Riley.
Justine Musk née Wilson

I don't want to get caught using a trope on International Women's Day, but wives are actually good at being surrogate neighbor relations agents; which it seemed Sheila was. Obviously your protagonist doesn't care about his neighbors; which you conveyed quite convincingly

a reply to: pthena

Yeah, my magic 8 ball tells me Musky Buns still has a few more ex-wives to go before he gets to the Sheila bot.

Thank's for reading!

a reply to: RoryRahl23


That put me in mind of some of the 60's shorts I've read

Bet I like it more than Musky Buns would have

a reply to: SprocketUK

Yeah, if I disappear, Elon Musk is to blame.