6 year anniversary and feeling alone

originally posted by: Nyiah

originally posted by: putnam6
Sounds like you are in a situation where you need to take care of you and your boys and not worry about your husband till you find yourself happy with you. Then work on your relationship with your husband it will be easier than the multitasking you are trying to do now. First thing quit feeling sorry for yourself or the situation, you alone can make it better. If he goes or if he stays is irrelevant fix yourself baby steps....you can do it..

If she has any kind of determination to not be a divorce statistic, you got that advice way wrong -- her mental health first, the marriage second, kids last. You NEVER put anything except your own mental health above nurturing a marriage. That's the foundation of a family and if it's a shaky, crap foundation, doting on the kids til she's blue in the face won't make anything any better for them at all. It will however, be liable to spike resentment and hellish divorce odds.

It's no damn shocker that every single person I know who's divorced tried that backward route instead of nurturing the marital relationship. You don't fix a marriage or even the divorce relationship by ignoring that foundation relationship and focusing on the offspring, people. Even if they DO end up divorced, focusing on each other stands to make it a much more smooth and amicable one than anything.

The good news is if they can fnd common ground and work together on making fixes, it's entirely possible to relight that flame. I've seen people do it after messing up with the backward "kids first" route. You gotta be willing to shake the entrenched bad advice and take the sensible advice if you aren't truly ready to walk away.

Just my opinion as a kid of divorced parents each with their own multiple divorces, as my husband's second wife, and as a friend who got to watch too many people screw up before a handful had the light bulb go off. I've never put our kids before us in our 12+ year marriage/14+ year relationship. That helps no one.

You missed so much by projecting your own situation into hers. This is just some tweaking in her attitude, because she cant control how her husband feels, sounds like he has issues too. #1 she has a potential drug problem that likely needs to be addressed, #2 not saying ignore or treat her husband lousy, just that make sure she does her mom things with her boys, instead of fighting with husband/dad. #3 you can't make somebody love you or be happy with you unless you are happy and content with yourself. If they have been at odds a lot with each other even a few days or a week or two could be enough to reset the relationship on a healthy course.

a reply to: LaceyGaGa


I know this is an absolute truth, because i’ve see it for real in my life and I thought of you when I this video...I hope it helps.

www.facebook.com...

a reply to: LaceyGaGa

Well, no offence, but your husband sounds like a dick.

You sure you're just not being gaslighted and he's actually the problem?

I mean, he tells you that he's just waiting for the right time to leave? What if you were to leave, would he get angry and threaten you if you did?

I don't think he's good for you, just from this post. I get a narcissist vibe from it.

I wonder if subconsciously you feel trapped in a relationship that your not happy with? Maybe that's the main cause of the prescription med issue that you have?

Relationships are easier to get into than out of especially once children are involved.
I do wish the very best for you.

a reply to: LaceyGaGa

There is always a way to grow out of such an unhappy situation... but work needs to be done to come out on top. Work on yourself...your mental strenght and outlook into the world will change in a positive way when you can kick the addiction. Once you won that battlle you will see openings for turning other stuff around that make you unhappy...You will have more mental strenght to deal with the negative remarks of your husband....I am sure that if you have reached this far you will know what to do to keep your children with you.
I know it is easier said than done... but others did it before you...others with way more bigger problems and way more addicted than you. But that is the price you need to pay for a positive change in your life...

Ask for help if you need someone to be there for you in weak moments. I do not know if you believe in God.. If you do not, God doesn't mind.. He is always there to listen, even to people who do not really know him..He is always there for you to help you reach the shore so you can heal yourself an other day.

Good luck...

a reply to: visitedbythem
Not really sure what “Imago” means.

just wanted to say thank you to each and every one of you for taking the time to offer advice. It is nice hearing the many perspectives.

You are all amazing.

originally posted by: LaceyGaGa
just wanted to say thank you to each and every one of you for taking the time to offer advice. It is nice hearing the many perspectives.

You are all amazing.

You got this, find your happiness and everything will fall into place.

originally posted by: LaceyGaGa
a reply to: visitedbythem
Not really sure what “Imago” means.

] Special therapy

a reply to: visitedbythem

Just looked it up. I really like the approach. Thank you so much.

This post is so good.

thanks for sharing your story. maybe you should try to find some friends which will have commom interestes with you, with whom you can talk about different things

a reply to: LaceyGaGa

6 years is enough time to get to know the person by your side. Maybe even enough time to truly understand and see if THIS is the person whom you actually want to spend the rest of your life with. I understand you may feel guilt and blame yourself for some of the "situations" you both have undergone within your time together. However - that doesn't mean he has the right to speak to you in a hurtful manner. Yes, he may feel just as hurt too by all the pain he may have incurred throughout the 6 years. But if that's the case, regardless of the two wonderful kids you share, you BOTH deserve TRUE happiness, even if that means parting ways. Your kids deserve that much. It's better for them to see their "mommy and daddy" truly happy, even if that means you guys aren't together, rather than remaining in a marriage where all they see is constant pain. You both need to be completely honest and true to yourselves. There's only one life to live, you both deserve true happiness, as do your kids. Best of luck.