Introducing My Latest Bestest Rapper Name...

(Whew, I almost forgot the second 'p' in the title...)

Thank you, ladies and germophobes!
This is not so much a dis on Marshall Mathers, but more like a Weird Al-type parody thing. I mean, what else is there to do? ;-]
Just lyrix YO.. no bullets. LoL


"Dumbinem!
I'm Dumbinem!
You think HE dumb,
But I'm still Dumbinem
I always win
Even when I sin
So let me begin
This service
By makin ya'll nervous!

what's...
that...
now...?

ya feminine?
ha yeah, i'm feminine
let's get together
and both wear the same linennzz
please let me in
puff puff again
and then you pass it to the left,
cause the devil's round the bend

you think you sharp?
you think you slick...
but you be bowin down'
to that corporate di*k

you ain't REAL...
you cain't FEEL...
boy, you been crawlin round
like ur name "MC EEL"

fish outta water
your rhymes i slaughter
in for the kill, YOUR-FIRE-I-STEAL,
i'm such a THRILL-LIKE-STRAWBERRY-HILL
and when i'm done ya feel like
u been cooked on the grill
cause u be slippin' up worse
than old banana peels.. LoL

::drops spatula::


ok THAT was dumb. negative 5 stars!
so empty inside... so cold...

Open bar...

Text

I feel dead inside now.



Picks up his old case, strewn with cobwebs. He opens it, revealing a jewel encrusted shoe shaped microphone inside.

"Lets do this..."

Yo, yo...
Yeah...

Derek Darkly,
Chop ya head of like Ned Stark B,
Stuff it under ya mommas washing,
Now ya brain dead AND extra starchy,

You ain't wanna # with the ATS crew,
We know whats next new,
We know before you spit that bit you should of just best flew,
We know, you don't, we'll win, you won't,

Calm the crowd, calm the masses,
They smell the blood in the water,
But Derek Darkly walked himself right into a slaughter.


Puts microphone shoe on and walks off into the sunset.

a reply to: RoryRahl23

yo Em.. is that you?
now take that mic right back outta ya shoe

now come with me
and dance the electric boogaloo
cause no spook like you,
gonna f-wit a one man wreckin kru!

y'know, its geekz like you,
that make me wanna sniff model airplane glue!
so if that's the best you can do
then wipe that doo-doo off ya shoe,
SCOOBY-POO,
and try again... anew!

and that's just off
the first 2 lines i read from u

SIncerely,
BOO!

a reply to: DeReK DaRkLy




Get this man a doctor he's taking a fit,
Oh no wait,
Your dancing's just plain s**t.

Get Mystery Inc down to pick up this brain spatter,
Another one tried to take my crown,
Then I realized,
It's the same rapper,
Sniffing glue aint gonna work boy,
You don't have the brain matter.

This is what skill looks like,
But you wont see that,
So lick your wounds sucker,
Cos I wont be back.

a reply to: RoryRahl23

Excuse me, while I
medicate my dog for seizures....
he almost died laughing
at this f***in old geezer

i bet bet you listen to Weezer!
and have to pay her to please her
but every time she still says,
"Baby, please pass me the tweezers"



GOODNIGHT... I really have to eat something or pass out drunk.. and you know the liver hates that.
Last word is yours man. We should do an album. Fuh Ritz Crackers.

a reply to: DeReK DaRkLy

He puts the shoe shaped microphone back into the old box, locks it and slides it back under the bed. He stands up, walks out of the room and locks the door behind him for good.

Damn, and I had, like, eleventy more! Now I'm sad that you've gone and locked the rap-door. I'm just as empty inside as I was before. But, still, there's nothin' more pleasin' than a fellow man-whore! ;-)

Here I step in to put ya'll back on a shelf
Like stale crackers from Keebler elf
You looking for a rhyme?
then I brought ya wealth
And I do this for free

Now shut yo mouth and show some respect
Not just for me but the death of your rap
I curb stomped your words with the heel of my shoe
Look you in the eye and ask "wat you gonna do"?
And recommend you take a knee

I'm really sorry that it had to come to this
I saw the weak rap and I just had to insist
I got to wipe and flush this toilet
'cause ya'll starting to stink like Jussie Smollett.

Capital STEEZ died by suicide on December 24, 2012.[7][8] On the night of December 23, 2012, he made his way to the rooftop of the Cinematic Music Group headquarters in Manhattan’s Flatiron District, where he texted a few of his closest friends to tell them that he loved them, and at 8:59 p.m. EST, posted a tweet saying, "The end."[13] He jumped off the rooftop of the Cinematic Music Group building later that night.[14][4]
en.wikipedia.org...

a reply to: DeReK DaRkLy

Check out Rap Fame aka Battle Me app. I am Old Smokey.

6 featured tracks and 47-2-3 battle rap record

a reply to: r0xor

Wow, I never knew about that. Shame he had some real talent.

I don't listen to much hip hop nowadays, but back when I did I remember this guy who used pretty decent lyrics.

www.youtube.com...

I don't rap btw, this was purely satirical.

a reply to: TheLieWeLive

SMollett... hahahah!!!!!


Ok here goes, twinkle toes...

i can tell u a hooker,
u like to bump it and grind it
but ya d**k's so small
not even a bloodhound could find it
and if u think of makin fun of my bologna next, chump
i already donated that hunk to the Smithsonian,
because it's historically legendary
and filled with Rhyme-Tonium
and if you got more to say
then step up to this podium,
or go take some immodium
n be sure to flush THAT commodium...
because ya lines is so creaky
i think they need some Rustoleum™

a reply to: DeReK DaRkLy

Let me get this right?
This tyke wants to battle Mike?
Let me tell you what battling Mike is like..

Battling Mike is like jamming your own thumb in the car-door,
It's like wearing banana peels and trying to parkour through Darfour,
It's like swimming in Jorts while getting a divorce,
You end up all chafed and full of remorse,

Battling Mike is like taking candy from a stranger,
You don't realize your in danger till you get zapped with the tazer,
Strapped down and trapped with nothing but my anger and my razor,

Battling Mike is like jerking off the rudest Silverback,
Your better off asking Judas for his silver back...



Respectfully,
~M.C. Sphincterwrinkle Fingerstinkle

P.S.
Check my signature for the link to the rap battle thread

a reply to: Mike Stivic

LMAO.. u might actually be Rob Reiner!

your rhymes bring me back, like it was '77
when ur mam-n-law gave it up behind the Seven-Eleven (slurp)
now, she said she was a virgin
hinted @ 71 more in heaven
but when i got there, it was raisins
and u wuz bangin' ur cousin, Kevin! =O

(moral: i feel betrayed by Edith Bunker and Islam)

I think this is my longest ATS thread in 9 years, BTW!
I think Skeptic Overl0rd needs to send me a pizza. No bullets plz, just extra cheeze.. ;-]

a reply to: DeReK DaRkLy

Check check mic check ready to record All they heard was me creeping outside on the porch old Smokey bear paws knocking on your door sledge hammer in my paw like my middle name was Thor and it’s about to get grizzly spin these MCs like a frisbee until they ass get dizzy this ain’t a game bitch I’m down to get busy you a buster who ain’t getting with me come in swiftly but this a buck Hundo son I don’t go in 50 on a track I stay up on an battle app and son you ain’t too bright plus your tracks are kind of wack check my record I got a rack there’s a lot more room for some bodies to get stacked yelling timber come get me bitch I’m breaking down the door on my Rambo more karate moves than sambo engine turning like a Lambo champ got the street sweeper wait where the # champ go gun at my hip make they wigs flip sink your battle ship get stacked up like some shiplap bitch this was a mismatch you get made a bitch and may get your bitch snatched you a chicken # that just hatched that’s right an egg head just lay there and play dead mumble rapper with nothing to say kid my bars heavy like their weighted old Smokey hold it down midwest we stay laced kid we blast drastic AK bout to spray let you whole crew have it my lifestyle I live frantic bitch this the real world for me your rhymes are just antics pop off with my heater I have you do backflips and watch em all hit the floor i didn’t make it rain son smoke filled the room old Smokey light em up like a matchstick and made the blood pour shells so hot melt the laminate off the floor 44 turning liken a rachet blood spilling out they chest and they sounding asthmatic grabbing at your throat living your last minutes frantic can’t hack it like Lizzy Borden I’ll grab a hatchet and hack a limb out of habit Jeffrey Dahlmer eat em raw the only way a bear would have it base from the kicker speaker beat you like the barrrel of my heater flashing like a paparazzi get rolled like some dice this ain’t a got no yatzee slap this tweaker out the tweaker bitch get off me

a reply to: 51Reasons

Tight! I can also do that extra wordy sh*t, but for tonight hun, this all u get:

well I'm back just as sure
as the turn of the Earth
now these last few rappers
barely showed any worth!
and now u think u can stroll up
into Dumbinemz turf...
when I made ya mom squirt
nine months before ya birth?!

son, i'll tickle you 'til it hurts...
make u wish u was still at church!
where at least the reverend only flirts
til he sees u pop in the certs!
i hear lately you been wearin skirts
and heels - i guess u back out on the outskirts
banging dudes for sh*ts, giggles and meals
hell, i thought other guy was a hooker, who just liked quickies
but Kelly, you take the cake, the plate and still leave 'em all hickeys
and, yo, i'm not tryin to say that you're 100% gay,
but i bet you listen to Drake
while ur on the bidet ;-]

a reply to: DeReK DaRkLy

That was totally awesome. Bow down you got skills son!

a reply to: 51Reasons

I just do what the aliens tell me to do.