Hate cancer

How do I start....well, my mother in law is a sweet woman, she has done alot for family in the past. She has let some family members stay with her and her kids(my wife and brother in law). She had worked 2 to 3 jobs as a single parent to raise her kids. She would outwork most men.
About 4 years ago, she had to go on disability, because she was diagnosed with COPD and Chrons disease. 4 years later to the end of 2018, we got a great Christmas present. My wife and I took my mother in law to the hospital for her stomach, thinking it was a hernia, and legs swollen. They did a test on her legs, 2 blood clots. They transered her to another hospital to get more tests.
They did a chest exray, and legs xrays, well......they found 2 more blood clots, 1 in her side, and 1 in her lung, and the doctors said, unfortunately the bad news.... they found that she has pancreatic cancer stage 4, its in her liver, and throat area. She is low weight, and now on hospice at our home. Can't walk on her own, has to use a portable toilet at the bed side. My wife is a strong woman helping her, to the toilet alot, our children are strong to handle the news.
I hate the fact that, she has chrons, copd, and now cancer. I hate how life dealt her this hand. Its hard. I ask you all, if you can please, spread this-
m.facebook.com...
We will have to endure the costs of the funeral, don't have the money, deal with a house of hers not paid off. Thank you ATS friends for you taking your time to ead her story.

originally posted by: darkuniverse
How do I start....well, my mother in law is a sweet woman, she has done alot for family in the past. She has let some family members stay with her and her kids(my wife and brother in law). She had worked 2 to 3 jobs as a single parent to raise her kids. She would outwork most men.
About 4 years ago, she had to go on disability, because she was diagnosed with COPD and Chrons disease. 4 years later to the end of 2018, we got a great Christmas present. My wife and I took my mother in law to the hospital for her stomach, thinking it was a hernia, and legs swollen. They did a test on her legs, 2 blood clots. They transered her to another hospital to get more tests.
They did a chest exray, and legs xrays, well......they found 2 more blood clots, 1 in her side, and 1 in her lung, and the doctors said, unfortunately the bad news.... they found that she has pancreatic cancer stage 4, its in her liver, and throat area. She is low weight, and now on hospice at our home. Can't walk on her own, has to use a portable toilet at the bed side. My wife is a strong woman helping her, to the toilet alot, our children are strong to handle the news.
I hate the fact that, she has chrons, copd, and now cancer. I hate how life dealt her this hand. Its hard. I ask you all, if you can please, spread this-
m.facebook.com...
We will have to endure the costs of the funeral, don't have the money, deal with a house of hers not paid off. Thank you ATS friends for you taking your time to ead her story.

God bless you....so sorry to hear! Uncle currently has stage 4- 3 types of cancer and in brain.... and another friend has stage 4...in brain as well. Everyone in my entire family has or has passed from cancer. All of them.

A couple things...funeral homes will take even $25 every couple weeks to help a bereaving family (I've done it myself more than once)...and the house unpaid can go back to the bank (done that too )....

Try not to stress...I wish you and yours good things in 2019. God bless...


M.S.

a reply to: mysterioustranger

Thank you so much. Has been a tough holiday season for our family. Trying to make the best of it all, for my wifes memories, and our kids.

a reply to: darkuniverse

I feel like anything I say here would be somewhat trite. Just wanted to let you know I read and I'm feeling for you. Your MIL sounds strong as hell. Comfort her in any way you can.

a reply to: DictionaryOfExcuses

Thank you. She is a very strong woman.

originally posted by: darkuniverse
a reply to: mysterioustranger

Thank you so much. Has been a tough holiday season for our family. Trying to make the best of it all, for my wifes memories, and our kids.

You know what? You can be the mitigating factor for positivity in the face of extreme distress in your family...and thru it all...everyone will be richer for your strengths!

Blessings and prayers...M.S.

a reply to: mysterioustranger

Thank you. I am trying hard to express how to confort my wife and kids. I help my wife with my mother in law and support her. It is very hard trying to juggle work and this at home with me wife. She wants my emotional support and physical help at home, but work wants me to consistently think about them and my job. I am torn between the 2.

I read your post a couple of times. It's a tough read.

Not to sound dismissive. but have you considered a hospice outside the home? Your entire family needs a break and kind souls that run hospices quite often are run without charging the family. Somehow I think this is not something you want to do because you feel a need to take care of her and try to pay her back for all her kindnesses.

As lovely as she sounds, I don't think she would want to burden her daughter and family.

Just a thought. Thinking of you.

originally posted by: darkuniverse
a reply to: mysterioustranger

Thank you. I am trying hard to express how to confort my wife and kids. I help my wife with my mother in law and support her. It is very hard trying to juggle work and this at home with me wife. She wants my emotional support and physical help at home, but work wants me to consistently think about them and my job. I am torn between the 2.

Friend, I was there too.
My stepfather died, their dog died, my dog died, my widowed mother I had to institutionalize.

The next week I had a stroke, the next month, my mother died...then I found my sister be in law dead from shotgun blast/suicide, then my father in law died, then I had heart problems.

Next, my brother-in-law best friend died...I cared for most of them till passing....still working at hospital, wife at home alone at the lake.

All this took a toll on me being everywhere for everyone, every minute. I never went home again after the stroke....wife packed up alone, moved to Mom's now our house as I recovered from stroke and deaths.

You see...you can only do so much, for so long before it affects you. Be there. Set your priorities, get rest, eat, get outside....you can't be all things for everyone if you're not there to help them.

Know you're not alone, ask for help, p.m. me anytime you're wearing down. We can talk....

God Bless

I cared for my father as the cancer and other illnesses took him. It is a long slow nasty, painful way to go, would of been easier to watch him crucified. There was a lot of good support around during the final stages which helped. Just take things a day at a time.

Most people are very supportive about the situation. Those that continually work with cleaning up deceased estates are a bit more numb and quick about what they do, keep your heads up there.

a reply to: mysterioustranger

Im sorry you went through so much. Thank you alot for support and taking time to read our story.

a reply to: kwakakev

Thank you, it's all in Gods hands.

a reply to: kwakakev

Thank you, it's all in Gods hands.

I'm so sorry to hear about your Mother-in-law and how difficult it is for you and the family right now. I'm going to yet another funeral on Saturday. I will keep you and the family in my thoughts and prayers.

Oh, don't be sorry! Look...we both are still here today to be able to talk about it!

Best to you, and here anytime for support.

M.S.

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