Stay Home Dads

originally posted by: Gargoyle91
a reply to: Edumakated

Never give your balls away ! Although it would be nice if your spouse REALLY was good with it but from my experience once you stop bringing in cash the good times stop after awhile you can only ask for Beer money so many times without backlash . JMO

this could not be more true

"why do you need beer your job is easy"

originally posted by: JAGStorm
a reply to: Fools

Don't do it, she is planning to start having an affair with some dude at the office. Someone had to say it.

That's really lame. Just because a woman is good at a job and is being compensated for it she must be wanting to have an affair, OK whatever.

Get a grip, it was a joke. Then again, it could be true. No one knows - except apparently you.

originally posted by: markovian

originally posted by: Gargoyle91
a reply to: Edumakated

Never give your balls away ! Although it would be nice if your spouse REALLY was good with it but from my experience once you stop bringing in cash the good times stop after awhile you can only ask for Beer money so many times without backlash . JMO

this could not be more true

"why do you need beer your job is easy"

Raising children is stressful and time consuming, there is certainly a need for beer money, i know this as I am a stay at home dad, although my situation is tougher than most as the boy hasn't seen his mother for 5 years now because she is a # up.

a reply to: hopenotfeariswhatweneed


LOL I was going to respond to that as well.

Anyone that has kids, knows damn well why you might, occasionally, need beer. (or wine, or a shot, whatever.)

a reply to: chiefsmom

Absolutely it's a selfless job being a parent.

a reply to: Edumakated



If it works for your family, then do it!

If your wife can deal with being a breadwinner and not whining about it or holding it over your head, and you feel comfortable, go for it.

However, you do have to look at the isolation aspect for yourself. I will tell you from firsthand observation of SAHDs I know, that if it's uncommon within your community, you WILL be shunned as a SAHD. Good luck setting up "playdates" (who the hell came up with that term anyway? Sounds so stupid) for the kids and getting meaningful interaction from other SAH parents of the opposite gender. We have several SAHDs in our neighborhood, but they are completely ignored by the SAHMs. The Stay At Home Parent club is a girls-only club, and it shows.

They all know each other, sure, but a day at the park with the kids running amok is a real lonely one for those dads, nobody talks to them, nobody approaches to set times to watch each other's kids, play together at each other's homes, etc. You will have to REALLY work at it as a couple to establish & maintain relationships with other parents, dad making all the connections is going to be a tough one (never mind being taken seriously)

It's a nasty little double standard that is very deeply entrenched. Society says dads are supposed to work, not play SAH parent. They're less trustworthy in the eyes of SAH moms, and they are avoided & treated like pariahs.

It's a double standard that pisses me off. Parental gender self-segregation is stupid & self-limiting. Every SAH parent is the same level of whipped at the end of the day, but women seem to think they're the better & more worthy house martyrs between the two. Give me a break, it's not worthy of the high school clique attitude.

originally posted by: Nyiah
If your wife can deal with being a breadwinner and not whining about it or holding it over your head, and you feel comfortable, go for it.

However, you do have to look at the isolation aspect for yourself. I will tell you from firsthand observation of SAHDs I know, that if it's uncommon within your community, you WILL be shunned as a SAHD. Good luck setting up "playdates" (who the hell came up with that term anyway? Sounds so stupid) for the kids and getting meaningful interaction from other SAH parents of the opposite gender. We have several SAHDs in our neighborhood, but they are completely ignored by the SAHMs. The Stay At Home Parent club is a girls-only club, and it shows.

They all know each other, sure, but a day at the park with the kids running amok is a real lonely one for those dads, nobody talks to them, nobody approaches to set times to watch each other's kids, play together at each other's homes, etc. You will have to REALLY work at it as a couple to establish & maintain relationships with other parents, dad making all the connections is going to be a tough one (never mind being taken seriously)

It's a nasty little double standard that is very deeply entrenched. Society says dads are supposed to work, not play SAH parent. They're less trustworthy in the eyes of SAH moms, and they are avoided & treated like pariahs.

It's a double standard that pisses me off. Parental gender self-segregation is stupid & self-limiting. Every SAH parent is the same level of whipped at the end of the day, but women seem to think they're the better & more worthy house martyrs between the two. Give me a break, it's not worthy of the high school clique attitude.

Yeah, I started part time when our first was born, 29 years ago when it was less accepted than today.

And yeah, some SAHMs shun or maybe even laugh at SAHDs - but I found that it was mainly the less mature, not necessarily younger moms, that acted that way. At school parties or events, me and the more mature Moms got along very well helping with the kids, while other moms gossiped and giggled in the back of the room.

And yes, at home is a different job with different stresses, but it's every bit or more difficult than any other job.

In our case she was not happy at home all the time and I didn't want to be a stranger to my kids, so it worked very well.

Maybe the most important thing was that we agreed from the start that I wasn't a "substitute Mother", I was their Father and would do things my way when I was home, not try to be her or do what she would do.

Whatever we did worked out well, both kids (a girl and a boy) are very successful and seem happy. The only thing that has come up fairly recently is that my Lawyer daughter didn't understand why many men couldn't accept her success...
But it is because of the old stereotypes, something she never thought of because she never saw it at home.

Anyway, it's not for everyone, but is definitely the way to go if she would prefer to pursue a successful career and he would prefer to spend more time with the children, then doing it the traditional way would make you both miserable...

Then some people worry about what "other people would think". Well after 29 years of experience I could assure you that "other people" have their own lives to worry about, they really don't care one way or another and forget all about you and your situation the moment your out of their sight - Don't fool yourself, you're not that important to "them".

So, if it looks like you and your spouse would prefer the SAHD route do it! I have no regrets, loved it and I am still close to the kids.

originally posted by: Nyiah
If your wife can deal with being a breadwinner and not whining about it or holding it over your head, and you feel comfortable, go for it.

However, you do have to look at the isolation aspect for yourself. I will tell you from firsthand observation of SAHDs I know, that if it's uncommon within your community, you WILL be shunned as a SAHD. Good luck setting up "playdates" (who the hell came up with that term anyway? Sounds so stupid) for the kids and getting meaningful interaction from other SAH parents of the opposite gender. We have several SAHDs in our neighborhood, but they are completely ignored by the SAHMs. The Stay At Home Parent club is a girls-only club, and it shows.

They all know each other, sure, but a day at the park with the kids running amok is a real lonely one for those dads, nobody talks to them, nobody approaches to set times to watch each other's kids, play together at each other's homes, etc. You will have to REALLY work at it as a couple to establish & maintain relationships with other parents, dad making all the connections is going to be a tough one (never mind being taken seriously)

It's a nasty little double standard that is very deeply entrenched. Society says dads are supposed to work, not play SAH parent. They're less trustworthy in the eyes of SAH moms, and they are avoided & treated like pariahs.

It's a double standard that pisses me off. Parental gender self-segregation is stupid & self-limiting. Every SAH parent is the same level of whipped at the end of the day, but women seem to think they're the better & more worthy house martyrs between the two. Give me a break, it's not worthy of the high school clique attitude.

Yeah, I noticed when I stayed home with my son and would go to the park, I'd get ignored by the other moms. They'd be off giggling and chatting it up and it was like I didn't even exist. On the other hand, when I'd be out with my son by myself (like taking him to lunch or dinner), for some reason women seemed awfully flirtatious. Almost pulled as many women as i did when I had a puppy when I was single. LOL.

There definitely is a double standard. All I care about is that my kids are raised well. I am more than comfortable with my "manhood".

Just curious as it seems like more and more men are choosing to stay home as women are making more money.

The biggest issue seems to be how finances are handled. A buddy of mine commented that all is good until the first big argument and the woman says "Who pays the bills?"

a reply to: Edumakated

I'd say it depends on how you work them now.

I trust him to keep track of that, but he trusts me to do all the legwork on purchases. So we decide what we need, he tells me what my budget is, and I go do all the research and come back with our options. Then it's a joint decision for the big things.

The rest of the time, I simply respect that he's worked very hard for most of the money we have, and I don't go hog wild with impulse purchases.

a reply to: Edumakated


Well, its like this:

Someone has to be there for the kids. It really doesn't matter which parent does it, as long as that parent is committed to the task and happy to be engaged in it. If you ask me, its got to be one of you, so it may as well be the one whose earning potential is currently at the lowest ebb. It makes sense. Its very important to have at least one parent be focused exclusively on child rearing. You only get the one shot to raise a child, so getting the important stuff in early, like respect for the concept of family, is essential. If your kids know that you are always going to be there for them, literally not going to work, just there for THEM, that will give them a good grounding in notions like commitment and dedication, as well as make them confident of their place in the world and their importance, all without your having to have said a word on those matters.

If you are cool with it, then go for it.

I am a proud stay-at-home dad. Unlike the previous examples I am just lucky that I am fully retired and drawing a pension and my wife is employed full time so that stress of 'who is the breadwinner?' doesn't exist.

I will tell you from our own experience, that when it comes to child rearing that I in general have more patience for our daughter's antics but for some reason I am just not wired for house cleaning well. I cook usually very elaborate meals four out of seven days a week (the rest are quick meals or take away). But truly the source of our marital stresses is my seeming inability to clean house LOL. I am convinced (and I'm sorry for 'gender bias') that men and women in general are wired differently when it comes to cleaning, I am a superb deep-cleaner but I can't seem to grasp the concept of surface cleaning. Believe it or not our only true arguments come when we attempt to clean together.

Hmmm, maybe this is a totally different thread lurking in my reply.

Oh and for those 'man card or no man card' folks, I served 21 years honorably in the military with multiple tours in every conflict open and subdued in the past 3 decades and don't feel that me being the home daddy affects my sense of self at all, I am proud of the time I get to spend with my daughter.