Opinions, thoughts please

a reply to: Skorpiogurl
How about this? Tell your Sister that the date is on and that you can't wait for her to go to the beach with you, alone. You may not believe it, but she will be there with you. Act as if she's there and believe it. She never went anywhere and she's watching you type. She loves you and she's always with you..Have fun.
Love to you.

a reply to: Skorpiogurl

I am so sorry about the loss of your sister. Prayers sent your way!

This whole beach thing was just unfortunate timing. Your friend already had plans with this other person- that's all it is. And the other person doesn't know you and is recovering from her own stress (which isn't like what you are going through at all, but in that person's life is a big stress) and your friend doesn't want to put that friend in an uncomfortable situation.

It's simply bad timing, it's not that this friend is more loyal or more concerned about the other friend! Your friend is clearly wanting to do the right thing by honoring her plans with the other friend while still trying to be with you- she asked you to have a beach day with her next week. I bet anything that I'd you had asked your fried for the beach day before this other friend, and the brain surgery situation friend asked for the beach day tomorrow, she would be telling then the same thing she's telling you.

It might be tempting to be passive aggressive towards your friend now, but it seems clear as day from the convo you reported that she is just trying to be there for BOTH of you.

Your emotions are as raw as raw can be right now and you orobably haven't slept in a while and your brain is foggy with grief. My brother-in-law died suddenly a year ago, and I've seen the very visible effects of grief on my sister. One of them is to have difficulty seeing situations clearly sometimes. You've got to be easy and gentle with yourself! In this situation, that means giving your friend the benefit of be doubt so that YOU don't feel angry and hurt.

Prayers for you! 💞

originally posted by: Skorpiogurl
Ok. Thank you so much for all of the thoughtful responses.

I agree that I am being super emotional and slightly irrational due to the current situation. I feel much better for having read the responses. It helps sometimes to get outside perspectives! I sent her the following text:

"I'm sorry I got upset my friend. I was being irrational." (I told her about the beach/sister thing) "When you said you were already going to the beach I assumed it was an invitation and got all excited. Then I got totally disappointed when I realized it wasn't."

Anyway, she replied and totally understood and I felt 100 times better for having let her in on my feelings instead of letting them stay in my head.

I will use this day to be alone (with my sister), to relax and journal or walk or whatever. To honor her memory in this small way

And I'll also wave to my friend if I see her driving by, and maybe I'll bring an egg so I can egg her car too! As it stands now, me and her have plans for shopping on Saturday and going to the beach next Friday assuming the weather holds out.

Thank you again for the opinions, thoughts and support. It means a lot, very helpful!

Agree with others, and so glad you can take a step back and get some perspective.

That said... you will not be alone... a conscious deliberate part of your sister will be there with you.

I am so sorry for your loss. Your sister has gone on to a different University. You'll see her later on.

a reply to: Skorpiogurl

I agree with the others.

Don't be hard on yourself and your friends. Your friend may think she needs some private time with her other friend, rather than a social gathering.

We all respond to grief in different ways, and there are stages of grief.

It sounds like your friend wants to reach out to you as well, but doesn't think they could handle two grieving friends at the same time, and with the same intensity. Which is probably fair enough.

Have some time to just be with your sister's memory. Just you and her. Look for the joys and the sadness, unfiltered. Experience it all, you can 'go deep' in privacy that you couldn't ever do without awkwardness in a group.

I hope you find reassurance and some degree of closure, whatever happens.

I am sorry for your loss.

a reply to: Skorpiogurl

If I were you I wouldn't worry
about your friend. You still
have a lot of grief ahead of
you. And one way to get thru
it that I found. You set your
mind to finding a way of
honoring your sister. Do
something to show her how
much she meant to you. No way
a cure, but it helps.
I feel terrible for you. This life
is brutal at times. But the fact
you questioned yourself and
sought advice. Good sign.

to your sister!

Update.

I ended up just working from home on Friday but I worked outside on my pool deck for the day. The weather was glorious and I had an excellent day. Just me and my dog On Saturday after I taught class my friend (the one in question), came by and her and I went out for the day, shopping, had a great lunch and a lot of laughs. She came back to my place and we hung out at the pool for a little bit. We have plans to go to the beach together this Friday coming up.

So yeah, I was irrational and over-emotional for no reason at all.

Thank you for all of the replies, thoughts and well thought out advice. I appreciate it!

that sucks your sister died, I wish people and creatures didn't have to die, my dog died of heart failure and i get headaches from crying and even thinking of her,