That's just the way it is.

Has any one ever said that to you? During a time when you were pouring your heart out to them about real problems?
That's just the way it is.

That statement is filled with hopelessness and despair. When someone says to you , "that's just the way it is," What they are really saying is that they don't care. They are admitting that they have no power to change .

I wonder, do they understand that they to are a part of why things are the way that they are?
Nothing can ever change if we just except the world we are born into as is.

I just had a conversation with someone I love about the lead in products that was poisoning american society back in the 17-18 hundreds.
I was just musing when I said, " It makes you wonder what we are using in everyday household products today that are hurting us."
She simply said , "That's just the way it is."

How many of us have given up? How many of us know truths about products we use everyday but still we use them?

I gave up owning a car because I don't want to give money to oil companies. And because of the combined amount of poison I have to breath because of all the cars.
But I still catch a ride to places with my friends in their cars. I still use energy provided to me by coal and oil in other ways.

I know all about the horrors of the american food stock. Yet I still eat meat that I bought at walmart.

Everywhere I look in my home I see plastic. I wonder would I even give up my plastic based electronics if the lives of the human race were being harmed by them. Even if it meant that humans would one day become extinct? Would I give up electricity if it, like lead, was proven to be the cause of illness?

That's just the way it is after all. And if I don't live the way that everyone else does, than what am I? How can I live? How should I live?

Perhaps people saying "That's just the way it is" is another way of saying, "Stop whining." It's like in the south when someone says, "Bless your heart" what they are really saying is, "You're an idiot."

a reply to: scraedtosleep

“That’s the way it is” is what people who are too weak or powerless to attempt to fix a problem say..


“That’s the way it is” has been used to justify every atrocity in history.

When the real truth is that we decide what way it is..

I hear “it is what it is” alot, and even use it myself at times. To try and pretend we can change people’s characters or change major world problems can be an exercise in futility. I think collectively we can try to change what we can , but some things and people will continue to be what they are because “it is what it is”.

originally posted by: JoshuaCox
a reply to: scraedtosleep

“That’s the way it is” is what people who are too weak or powerless to attempt to fix a problem say..


“That’s the way it is” has been used to justify every atrocity in history.

When the real truth is that we decide what way it is..

Then squint real hard and change it. With your real truth. Then make an OP about it.

Some things we can change, some are not in our own personal power to do so.

It's just the way it is.

Not a Christian, but that old phrase comes to mind...

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

No, that isn't in the Bible... it was written by the American theologian Reinhold in the 1930's.

Still has a ring of Truth in it.

About how to deal with the fact that some things just are what they are.

"The courage to change the things we can,
The serenity to accept the things we can't,
And the wisdom to know the difference "

Sometimes we can only accept how things are...if it is outwith our control to effect change.

Also, once you get to a certain age...a lot of people don't have the energy to rage against the machine anymore.
My mother was very forward - thinking...inspired....and would come up with solutions from way outside of the box. Now I can barely see that person anymore. She accepts problems for being " life " ...she doesn't like the problems at all..but no longer struggles against them.

Anyway...
continue " being the change you want to see "
Through struggle we will overcome.

a reply to: scraedtosleep

Your family member probably just...did not want to have the conversation.

These are the kind of things people say when they aren't into the conversation. You started out saying you were "pouring your heart out", but it ended up being about whatever intangible things are in everyday things. Maybe they weren't that passionate about the subject, or your approach to it.

a reply to: scraedtosleep

When someone says that I can always lead to asking other questions. What gets me is when someone says "whatever" that really gets to me you may as well say I'm stupid and can't think of anything.

originally posted by: schuyler
Perhaps people saying "That's just the way it is" is another way of saying, "Stop whining." It's like in the south when someone says, "Bless your heart" what they are really saying is, "You're an idiot."

LMAO so true!

originally posted by: Atsbhct
a reply to: scraedtosleep

Your family member probably just...did not want to have the conversation.

These are the kind of things people say when they aren't into the conversation. You started out saying you were "pouring your heart out", but it ended up being about whatever intangible things are in everyday things. Maybe they weren't that passionate about the subject, or your approach to it.

To me, that's how I view people who use that phrase. It's just another way of saying "it could be worse." Or a polite way of saying "whatever."

-dex

a reply to: scraedtosleep

I personally tend to regularly use the phase "whatta gonna do?"

Cause lets face it, sometimes that's just the way it is.

In cases of discussing the matters in your post I just tell someone to
"Buzz off , I got real problems right now"
I never dance around using words.
Blunt and to the point....

originally posted by: Sheye
I hear “it is what it is” alot, and even use it myself at times. To try and pretend we can change people’s characters or change major world problems can be an exercise in futility. I think collectively we can try to change what we can , but some things and people will continue to be what they are because “it is what it is”.

I like it is what it is....because things usually just are what they are....

And more generally about the whole thread. There really are lots of things most people are powerless to change. I look at it more as accepting those things and trying not to worry about them so you can focus on the things you can change. Like in the OP's example. Your friend is likely well aware of the the toxic crap around us...it's kind of hard not to be, but like yourself you realize it but can't do much else other than change your own habits...as much as you can. You can't single handedly bring down the global food distribution system so there's point in worrying about it. You can choose to make healthy choices yourself and limit your own exposure.

If it were easy enough to change things simply by acknowledging it exists and being upset about it i'm sure the world would be a totally different place. I mean if you were to ask most people what they would rather have...some nice toxic plastic food or some home grown organic food, i'm guessing 99% of people would pick the latter....but in reality they don't lots of different factors come into play. Hearing people complain about a problem that everyone knows exists kind of feels like the person complaining expects the other person to have the answers which is why you get that's the way it is as a response. One person can't change the problems you speak of. Most people realize this.

It would be kind of like a prisoner in jail complaining to another prisoner about how unfair the conditions are in jail...what do you think that other prisoner's gonna answer with?

In my experience, "That's just the way it is" = "WTF do you expect me to do about it??"

If you ask for further clarification, that's generally the answer you end up with. It's not so much an "I don't care" phrase as it is a "Hell if I know how to fix it" phrase.

a reply to: scraedtosleep

It has been the mentality that has led us to the mess we've had for the last 20-30 years.The "Oh, well, there's just nothing we can do about it," and "That's just the way it is" mentalities are exactly what enabled a bunch of the problems society has today.

Reminds me of trailer park boys. "if I say that's the way she goes, that's the way she goes"

a reply to: AttitudeProblem

That song is actually about NOT accepting things the way they are.

WTF? Is that the original? I always thought this was the original!

Tupac's version is more about accepting the things that have to be the way they are.