Potential problem need some advice.

Yea yea asking advice from the internet is always a risky thing but at the moment ATS is the best I've got available and yall have been pretty good in the past.

My wife is currently TDY out of country, we are currently stationed in Germany and I got a message today saying I might be pregnant, she is almost done there comes home in a few days so she will do the test then. (yes its mine, for the troll types)

Here is my problem, I was going to stay here a couple more weeks then go stateside for a GS job while she finished up her time here till September while I paid off the bills before the move.

To me this is the logical thing to do, clear out as much debt as possible before we incur additional debt, moving the pets and our second vehicle form Germany to the states.

Do I continue with our original plan and leave her to handle the pregnancy alone, or do I cancel that and risk not getting work, or hope my boss will let me take time off towards the end of it so I can be there as things get tougher.

I am lost as to which direction to go... now maybe it will be nothing, but it may be a problem and something like this needs to be worked out asap in my opinion.

a reply to: Irishhaf

Base your decision on how much she can handle, emotionally and physically. Jobs and money come and go.

Babies and families are forever.

Congrats!

originally posted by: Irishhaf
Yea yea asking advice from the internet is always a risky thing but at the moment ATS is the best I've got available and yall have been pretty good in the past.

My wife is currently TDY out of country, we are currently stationed in Germany and I got a message today saying I might be pregnant, she is almost done there comes home in a few days so she will do the test then. (yes its mine, for the troll types)

Here is my problem, I was going to stay here a couple more weeks then go stateside for a GS job while she finished up her time here till September while I paid off the bills before the move.

To me this is the logical thing to do, clear out as much debt as possible before we incur additional debt, moving the pets and our second vehicle form Germany to the states.

Do I continue with our original plan and leave her to handle the pregnancy alone, or do I cancel that and risk not getting work, or hope my boss will let me take time off towards the end of it so I can be there as things get tougher.

I am lost as to which direction to go... now maybe it will be nothing, but it may be a problem and something like this needs to be worked out asap in my opinion.

Clarification please? You say YOU are the one pregnant...not your wife? Either way...and with no prejudice...the decision should be made by both of you...and not just yourself if an "incoming" is on its way to you both. A decision not to be made lightly and one-sided.

Best of luck to you both, MS

a reply to: Irishhaf

She's in the very early stages, meaning unfortunately anything can happen in the next 3 months.
Most people Don't announce a pregnancy until after that 3 month mark.

I say, continue with what you had planned.
She won't need any special attention from you for at least close to 6 months...that's when they begin to become immobile and very moody at times and will need you there for support. - fully understandable of course.

Do not change the course of your life just yet because like I said, anything can happen.

a reply to: Irishhaf

Sounds like something you should talk to her about.

she is the one pregnant, the yes its mine is I know I am the father.

Part of the reason I am laying it out here is I have a tendency to celebrate after I have worked through all the potential problems.

For instance when she got orders to Germany my first thought was not yay we are going to Europe, it was Dang it how are we going to make up that lost income. that really upset her, so I am trying to get that aspect of things out of my system before she gets home so I can react the way most people do to that kind of information.

a reply to: Irishhaf

Just ask Waylon
Take a listen

a reply to: Irishhaf

What's missing in your apparent potential problem is your wife's views on it.

Discuss it with her then alter your plans accordingly.

Relax. Congratulations!!

originally posted by: DBCowboy
a reply to: Irishhaf
Jobs and money come and go.

Babies and families are forever.

This is the best answer you can get.

a reply to: Irishhaf

IF you are in the military, ask for an early PCS together. The Command can work it out, normally her replacement will arrive early enough that it wont be an issue. Talk to a Chaplin and they can get involved and apply for a compassionate PCS.

i'm gonna add a third recommendation that you talk to your wife about since the decision affects her so bigly. my opinion is meaningless compared to hers, and she may also think of more options than you've brought so far.

a reply to: Irishhaf

I think it depends on her.

There are a lot of women who sort of sail through those first three months with just minor inconveniences like some morning sickness and being a bit fatigued and stuff, but for the most part, things proceed as normal. It's not even like you really start outgrowing your clothing all that much.

It's when you start getting into your second and third trimesters that the real "fun" begins.

But then again, there are some women who have some genuine issues too. I was sick enough I dropped 10 lbs and needed the extra support from my husband. I had a coworker who wound up bedridden and on an IV with hyperemesis. But that's not all that common.

There are also women who need the emotional support, too.

I'd say it kind of depends on her and what she feels she needs or what she may physically need. But most women are going to get through those early months without a whole lot of trouble.

Soon as we can sit down face to face, we will talk it out.

Seeing as this will be our first minion I have zero clues about what might be coming towards us, so kind of hard to start planning when you don't know what to expect.

originally posted by: Irishhaf
Soon as we can sit down face to face, we will talk it out.

Seeing as this will be our first minion I have zero clues about what might be coming towards us, so kind of hard to start planning when you don't know what to expect.

That's really the best thing you can do right now.

You may discover that the best course is to be there for her now, or you may decide that proceeding with your current plan to shore up your future stability is the best course for the present.

I can see either one as a viable option. So it really just depends on what the two of your decide and feel is best.

since its the early days of her pregnancy stick with your original plan . add in preperations for the baby stateside to your plan .
congratulations

a reply to: Irishhaf

Hmm... I'm thinking what you're really looking for is some stranger on the internet to say (because really, this can only be worked out between the two of you)... be cool Irishhaf, everything is going to be fine! If she is pregnant, congratulations on your first child!
Especially because you're a military family, this is really going to change things for you; but, the thing about babies is...they aren't that hard. All they want is milk, love, sleep and a warm bed. All you can do is love each other through it.

For what it's worth, being apart for a bit at the start likely won't be a huge issue. I'm currently 3 months pregnant with my second, and my partner has been home 8 days in two months. Not super stressful. It will all work out!

a reply to: Irishhaf

I think everyone here has given pretty good advice. DCCowboy said it most succinctly.

The only thing I would add is to bring up your situation with your potential boss. If you're getting pulled in two directions, try to bring both sides closer to the middle. You don't have to ask for any consideration. If they are a decent place to work, they will probably offer some way to make things easier. Ex-military, puts family first, most employers love people like that.

It will tell you a little something about the people you will be working for.

a reply to: Irishhaf

The mother's emotions before birth will affect the child's character after birth. It's best to be there during the pregnancy to reassure the mother.

The money problems will hit you later, leaving you wondering if you should have concentrated on finances instead.

The child will feel the mother's emotions, put the mother's emotional stability first and take the financial worries later.

welp she goes to the doctor tomorrow, but the home test says yep shes pregnant...

Nothing like that feeling of total and complete panic.