when #metoo is too many

I am a 55 year old woman. At one time, I was fairly attractive. Let's say attractive enough that I would purposefully dress down to go places like the grocery store because I was uncomfortable with unwanted attention. This is a pivotal point, though. The reason I had shame in reaction to that attention being the point.

You see, most women my age, that I've met talked to, grown up with, have had similar experiences to mine. The frequency of harrassment, assault, just being groped ....which I wouldn't even categorize in the first two categories, because this is the fact of the matter: from the age of fourteen, since I developed enough to have breasts, I learned in the way of life I was born into, how to gracefully redirect a man who had his arm around me and copped a feel when no one was looking, by just moving his hand down from my breast back to my waist.

To tell anyone, would have meant financial and moral disaster for many others, so I never said a word, and understood this, almost instinctively. Then we go to assault and right out rape, and wondering who to tell....and finally getting up the guts to tell someone, and they either claim to not believe you or just don't want to act on it, because the perpetrator has some power over their way of life (i.e.job) or is someone in the community with such standing, they don't want to challenge them in that way.....

I am certain my story isn't rare. I've met and grown up with too many women who express the same. I used to work as a bartender. But I made that way to that "upwardly mobile" position from a waitressing job. The first restaurant I worked for as a waitress, and expressed the incredible ambition to graduate to bartending, was the first time in a work situation I was confronted with outright having to screw the owner of the restaurant if that was ever going to transpire. We're talking about working for tips and making $2.01 an hour for a wage as a waitress, compared to $6.00 an hour as a bartender, and obviously higher tips. This was the landscape of life in my day in the eighties of being twenty something and the scope of ambition I could expect......and this is always what I encountered.

Now, as to why I'm writing this thread and telling that story: I live with a man my age, 55. I even know he's probably been on that end of that behavior if he had the power to before. He doesn't disbelieve what he hears in the news these days, but frankly he thinks these women are just whining, at a certain point. But my position is the reason he responds that way, is he doesn't really want to look in the mirror and confront his own behavior, and because there's just this assumption that if one has power over another, this is just part of what that means.

To me, though, this is feeding into a generalized perversion in this world where a hegelian dialectic and the more sociopathic you are, the more successful you can become in a capatalistic driven "empire."

Many of us are still enslaved, by our gender, sexuality, looks, weight, etc. you name it.

I welcome exploration of this topic.
Sincerely,
and lets try to find something to be thankful for, not only on the 24th of Nov. but every single day.
tetra50

I used to work as a bartender.

Stopped reading.

a reply to: SR1TX

Hey SR1TX: Lots of people have. I think you kinda missed the point. But no matter. A moderator thinks the thread is worthy of the trash bin anyway.

I think a few men grab and touch a LOT of women. Most men don't do this.

a reply to: tetra50



Your story is believable ,it's difficult for those of us who don't experience it to really understand how it feels.

I'm a white male and have never been subjected to racism yet it exists all around me, I know this by talking to people and having them share their experiences.

Seems to me we are programmed early on to view each other as enemies, this way we fight among ourselves and never focus on the forces that are guiding us.

I know the point of your thread.

It screams you like men with power and hate yourself for it as most women do. Age 18-55. Been with them all, ma'am. You're all a special kind of cuteness mixed with crazy.

a reply to: hopenotfeariswhatweneed

hey hopenotfewariswhatweneed: I think you're right, and from my particular perspective was hoping for responses and awareness like yours. Whether it's slavery due to color of skin, culture, religion, just subjugation because you happen to be born in a place and of a certain nationality that's historically been subjugated by a more powerful national force, or because of gender, which is the point I raised here, it all leads to the same place, really, doesn't it.

Yes, partially the point seems to be to just subjugate and control, and/or divide and concquer to deflect attention away from what may truly be taking place that if we all saw the same way and agreed should end, we'd have some power to end it.

That's my aim with this thread: ending this one single thing, that at least, in my lifetime as a woman, has been so prevalent we just get used to it, learn how to quietly deal with it, and keep our mouths shut so we can just keep some chance of keeping on...

There are various and sundry ways of being enslaved. There are various and sundry ways of being trafficked.
Regards,
tetra

originally posted by: carewemust
I think a few men grab and touch a LOT of women. Most men don't do this.

However, a lot of women, just like me, report it as even usual and expected, at a certain point.
Men with power over the woman in a particular circumstance tend to, though, is my point.
Thanks for reading and replying.
tetra

a reply to: carewemust

The vast majority of men don't.

originally posted by: SR1TX
I know the point of your thread.

It screams you like men with power and hate yourself for it as most women do. Age 15-55. Been with them all, ma'am. You're all a special kind of cuteness mixed with crazy.

That's absolutely hilarious. I am biologically wired to be attracted to powerful men, as all women are. Grow up. Read a biology textbook. This is science I can't defeat in my body, because my genes wish to procreate with the best potential for their survival. This is wired into us in a way that cannot be defeated. Crazy has nothing to do with it. Maturity of understanding that simple fact, though, does.

However, I don't hate myself for it, nor should any woman. And certainly being attractive should never be something that a woman is ashamed of, any more than at 55, I am not ashamed of not any longer being attractive. This, too, is simply biology. You entirely missed the point of why a young, attractive woman, not really ambitious at all, wishing to be perceived as simply a good person, would be wishing to hide her attractiveness or be ashamed of it.

You're a special kind of I'm not quite sure what.....hmmmmm.
tet

By this threads logic I should have secretly been upset with every women who ever called me cute, handsome, touched my hair, arms, said I was pretty because of my skin tone, etc. Or perhaps the OP does not want to acknowledge there are women that enjoy power over men as well?

I was asked by a random girl at a bar once this summer (that I went home with by the way) if she could kiss me because "I was really cute".

Instead of feeling like a million dollars, I apparently should have felt raped.

a reply to: SR1TX

Ahhh you were a saying ?
www.abovetopsecret.com...

originally posted by: tetra50

originally posted by: SR1TX
I know the point of your thread.

It screams you like men with power and hate yourself for it as most women do. Age 15-55. Been with them all, ma'am. You're all a special kind of cuteness mixed with crazy.

That's absolutely hilarious. I am biologically wired to be attracted to powerful men, as all women are. Grow up. Read a biology textbook. This is science I can't defeat in my body, because my genes wish to procreate with the best potential for their survival. This is wired into us in a way that cannot be defeated. Crazy has nothing to do with it. Maturity of understanding that simple fact, though, does.

However, I don't hate myself for it, nor should any woman. And certainly being attractive should never be something that a woman is ashamed of, any more than at 55, I am not ashamed of not any longer being attractive. This, too, is simply biology. You entirely missed the point of why a young, attractive woman, not really ambitious at all, wishing to be perceived as simply a good person, would be wishing to hide her attractiveness or be ashamed of it.

You're a special kind of I'm not quite sure what.....hmmmmm.
tet

What?

No attractive person who knows they are attractive hides it because they don't like the attention. women RELISH the attention, they LOVE the attention. Wanted or unwanted. No one deserves to get violated, but adored and admired? You are trying to BS a BS'r on this one and it's not going to work.

It is axiomatic that people, guys especially, see attractive girls as "good people" by default. Bad boys want the good girls, duh.

originally posted by: badw0lf
a reply to: SR1TX

Ahhh you were a saying ?
www.abovetopsecret.com...

Yes! I love it!

originally posted by: SR1TX
By this threads logic I should have secretly been upset with every women who ever called me cute, handsome, touched my hair, arms, said I was pretty because of my skin tone, etc. Or perhaps the OP does not want to acknowledge there are women that enjoy power over men as well?

I was asked by a random girl at a bar once this summer (that I went home with by the way) if she could kiss me because "I was really cute".

Instead of feeling like a million dollars, I apparently should have felt raped.

First, you missed the point about my not being of age to even give permission to an older, more powerful man. Next you missed he never asked, just started copping that feel. Next you missed the point that when it comes to assault at that age---wait, do you even understand what the word ASSAULT even means? It doesn't mean someone thinks your cute, flirts with you or even asks if you wanna be kissed. It means someone forcibly without your permission, or even considering your permission, overpowered you physically and took and did whatever they wanted. This is not a rare story or event. Most women my age have experienced something similar.

Then there is being believed and anyone helping you. Responding just like you just did.

Ridiculous.
Fourteen year olds shouldn't have to deal with 65 yr. old men groping them. No 45 yr. old man you've gone to for help should be taking advantage of your situation when you go to him for help cause it's his job, and assault you instead. AND THERE ISN'T ANYONE TO TELL WHO WILL DO ANYTHING.

Sorry, you're entirely missing the point. By my logic, which is completely insane and you've already attempted to denigrate with your second response in this thread, we all deserve safety, respect of our personal space and choice at a specific age when it comes to sex. Flirting doesn't even enter into the context I have fully laid out for you.

Now. I raised the topic not to just talk about what powerful "people" (men and women) do to those they think they can subjugate and get away with it, but to talk about a culture that encourages, supports such perversions. We are sold sex on television and advertising every day. Everything has become a tradeable commodity. We are trading our humanity out for this every day.

Which side do you want to end up on?
Regards.
tetra

originally posted by: seagull
a reply to: carewemust

The vast majority of men don't.

The vast majority of gun owners aren't murderers.
The vast majority of muslims aren't terrorists.
The vast majority of immigrants aren't economic migrants.
The vast majority of sharks aren't man eaters.
The vast majority of police aren't criminals.

Does that translate to nothing to see here move along?

a reply to: hopenotfeariswhatweneed

That is certainly up to you, isn't it?

If you think it does, does it? where did I say that it did?

originally posted by: hopenotfeariswhatweneed

originally posted by: seagull
a reply to: carewemust

The vast majority of men don't.

The vast majority of gun owners aren't murderers.
The vast majority of muslims aren't terrorists.
The vast majority of immigrants aren't economic migrants.
The vast majority of sharks aren't man eaters.
The vast majority of police aren't criminals.

Does that translate to nothing to see here move along?

I'm telling my story, telling you it isn't rare for women my age and my generation, and telling you it represents something far bigger. Make of it what you will. They can all say what they want about the vast majority of men and their behavior....yet, the vast majority of women of my age have experienced at least once something like what I describe, if not so many times, they can't count them.
tetra

originally posted by: SR1TX

originally posted by: tetra50

originally posted by: SR1TX
I know the point of your thread.

It screams you like men with power and hate yourself for it as most women do. Age 15-55. Been with them all, ma'am. You're all a special kind of cuteness mixed with crazy.

That's absolutely hilarious. I am biologically wired to be attracted to powerful men, as all women are. Grow up. Read a biology textbook. This is science I can't defeat in my body, because my genes wish to procreate with the best potential for their survival. This is wired into us in a way that cannot be defeated. Crazy has nothing to do with it. Maturity of understanding that simple fact, though, does.

However, I don't hate myself for it, nor should any woman. And certainly being attractive should never be something that a woman is ashamed of, any more than at 55, I am not ashamed of not any longer being attractive. This, too, is simply biology. You entirely missed the point of why a young, attractive woman, not really ambitious at all, wishing to be perceived as simply a good person, would be wishing to hide her attractiveness or be ashamed of it.

You're a special kind of I'm not quite sure what.....hmmmmm.
tet

What?

No attractive person who knows they are attractive hides it because they don't like the attention. women RELISH the attention, they LOVE the attention. Wanted or unwanted. No one deserves to get violated, but adored and admired? You are trying to BS a BS'r on this one and it's not going to work.

It is axiomatic that people, guys especially, see attractive girls as "good people" by default. Bad boys want the good girls, duh.

Are you over 24?

a reply to: tetra50

Thanks for sharing what must be some pretty awful memories.

I don't think there is anything one can say in defence of the things people have put you through.

We are all sullied by the existence of those men you describe and I'd venture some of the negativity you experience in this thread is born of the shame of association with these creeps.