How to Fake Friends and Influence People

I've stumbled upon an article with an interview that sheds light on an interesting issue. There are businesses in Japan that provide special services for people who have lost loved ones, or got divorced, or just want to appear more important and successful by offering a temporary or long-term substitute, an actor. In fact, they are "able to provide a surrogate for almost any conceivable situation". The business is reportedly booming.

Excerpt #1:

Morin (an interviewer - JDS): What did the mother you mentioned earlier request on her form?

Yuichi (an interviewee - JDS): She wanted the father to be kind, very kind. He would never yell. She wanted the kind of father that would be able to deliver wise advice.

Morin: How did you create that persona?

Yuichi: I’m not married in real life. I have no kids. At first, I couldn’t really find in myself the kind of father that she wanted me to be. So, I watched a lot of movies about fathers, and I cultivated my persona through the movies.

Morin: Can you describe the sessions with your fake daughter?

Yuichi: Sometimes we dine together. We’ve been to theme parks, like Disneyland. We go shopping in Harajuku once a month. The mother pays about 20,000 yen per four hours, plus expenses. That’s about $200.

Morin: What’s your cover story?

Yuichi: I told her I have my own family now, and that’s why I can’t see her often.

Morin: What happened to the real father?

Yuichi: Even the mother doesn’t know. There was a lot of physical violence. They divorced, and that was the end of it.

Morin: Did you take his name?

Yuichi: Yes, I use the father’s name—first and last.

Morin: How do you handle it when the daughter gets angry or sad?

Yuichi: I never yell, no matter what. That was in the order-form description. The girl was bullied also, if you remember, so her feelings can be very unsettling. There was also a rebellious time, in her teens. She was having difficulties with her mother. When she’s with me, though, she always asks, “Why do you have to leave now?” It’s unpleasant, but it is a reasonable emotion.

Morin: Does she love you?

Yuichi: She does. It’s easy to feel her love. She talks about her relationship with her mother, she shares sensitive feelings, she opens up to me.

Excerpt #2 (an entertaining one):

Morin: Are you ever someone else in your dreams?

Yuichi: In Japanese business culture, there is a situation where you have to visit a company and say I’m deeply sorry for what I did and just bow and bow. Occasionally, I dream about that.

Morin: How does that work when you’re hired to do that in real life?

Yuichi: Usually, I accompany a salaryman who made a mistake. I take the identity of the salaryman myself, then I apologize profusely for his mistake. Have you seen the way we say sorry? You go have to down on your hands and knees on the floor. Your hands have to tremble. So, my client is there standing off to the side—the one who actually made the mistake—and I’m prostrate on the floor writhing around, and the boss is there red-faced as he hurls down abuse from above. Sometimes, I wonder to myself, “Am I actually doing this?”

Morin: What do you feel?

Yuichi: I feel extremely uncomfortable. I’m just thinking, “I’m innocent!” I want to point at the actual culprit and shout, “He did it!”

Morin: Are you ever hired to apologize in other situations?

Yuichi: Yes, sometimes in relationships. Imagine there’s a married couple, and the wife cheats on the husband. When that happens, the husband often demands a confrontation with the other man. Naturally, this can be difficult to arrange, because the man usually runs away. In that case, they bring me instead.

Morin: What happens then?

Yuichi: There’s a manual for everything in this company. We use psychology to determine the optimal outcome. In this case, the standard tactic is to make me look like a yakuza [gangster]. Typically, I arrive with the wife, and the husband is there, and suddenly I will just bow then deeply apologize. Usually, the husband will berate me, but because I appear to be a yakuza, he won’t pursue the matter further.

I've got mixed feelings about that.
On the one hand, as a parent, I would say that's not appropriate to lie to your kids, especially about such sensitive issues (and don't forget, it's not just a cooked-up story to be told, but the whole ongoing acting with those actors that can last for years!). It's not about Santa, it's about his or her real parent after all. Of course, I don't have a clue in psychology, but I strongly believe it won't end well after YEARS of covering up a real story. Those mothers fail to tell the truth and think that faking is an appropriate option. But let's face it: they are wrong.
On the other hand, I don't give a straw when adults want to appear more "popular" on social media or fake their own weddings. Screw them. But kids...I feel it's a sort of psychological violence.

Anyway, I've never heard of "businesses" like this and the whole issue has been a terra incognita to me before.
I wonder what my fellow ATSers think.

P.S. Paying hundreds of dollars a day for a fake friend (boyfriend/girlfriend, groom/bride, mourner, etc.) in order to fit in with a fake society with its fake values and stuff seems a bit crazy. "Appearance is everything."//

P.P.S. And I wonder whether Yuichi cares about his clients (and, particularly, "daughters") since he allows his photo to appear in the article.//

originally posted by: JedemDasSeine
Anyway, I've never heard of "businesses" like this and the whole issue has been a terra incognita to me before.
I wonder what my fellow ATSers think.

There are plenty of odd culutural occupations like these. My boss has more than one designated gānbēi ('bottoms up' in Chinese) person for meetings in Asia. It is customary to toast several times through the meeting and then say 'gānbēi' and chug your booze of choice. The designated gānbēi person acts as a stand in for her so she doesn't have to get hammered during the meeting.

a reply to: JedemDasSeine

That is an odd business. Not sure what to make of it...still digesting it. Props for the wordplay on the Dale Carnegie classic

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus



You never fail to make me laugh out loud.

originally posted by: crappiekat

You never fail to make me laugh out loud.

It is kinda funny. I've hung out with one the gānbēi people and she can definitely drink although at our last meeting we got her hammered on a mix of rice wine, red wine and bourbon.

Enjoy:

Sometimes businessmen or high-ranking people will have a person to drink on their behalf, if they are only prepared to drink a little because they need to attend to other business later. This might seem strange, but it’s a concession to the mood of the room – they don’t want to spoil the fun, so their stand-in (or their stand-in’s liver) takes the hit for them. Source

More about Chinese drinking culture.

originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus

originally posted by: crappiekat

You never fail to make me laugh out loud.

It is kinda funny. I've hung out with one the gānbēi people and she can definitely drink although at our last meeting we got her hammered on a mix of rice wine, red wine and bourbon.

Enjoy:

Sometimes businessmen or high-ranking people will have a person to drink on their behalf, if they are only prepared to drink a little because they need to attend to other business later. This might seem strange, but it’s a concession to the mood of the room – they don’t want to spoil the fun, so their stand-in (or their stand-in’s liver) takes the hit for them. Source

More about Chinese drinking culture.

I was abroad In Glasgow for a week last month on business.

My Scottish clients were definately not stand ins...

Boy did we get « Legless » the last night...

Can’t really remember much of the plane trip back home!

Never again...

Warmest

Lags

a reply to: JedemDasSeine

Wow, and the father actor is prepared to play the role for life! It has been going to 10+ years, the daughter graduated from school and still thinks he is her real father.

For some weird reason, it seems like it would be fun to be hired as an actor for certain situations.

They certainly have a different way of viewing life. I don't think this would work here in the states. Is it ego?

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Uh, where do I sign up?

Getting paid to get hammered? ! Awesome.

Fascinating story!
It's amazing that they go to those lengths. Aside from all the moral questions that could surround this, it's kind of a beautiful idea.

And OP, regarding your question about his picture in the article, well, we have no idea that he didn't use a stand in for that, do we?

originally posted by: denybedoomed
Uh, where do I sign up?

Getting paid to get hammered? ! Awesome.

I'm sure we can find you something.

originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus

originally posted by: denybedoomed
Uh, where do I sign up?

Getting paid to get hammered? ! Awesome.

I'm sure we can find you something.

*Hands Augustus heavy ball hammer*