I have a question for you ladies......

When I asked my wife for a divorce, she was on board except for one thing. I could not date another woman for a year.
That perplexed me .
A few months of separation, I started to have relations with another woman.
The ex went bat# crazy on me !

Maybe some people can move on faster than others, I don't know.

originally posted by: DAVID64

It's a matter of principle. I will be damned if I do it for her. You have no idea how stubborn I can be.

Be as stubborn as you like, the only one getting hurt is YOU....

And where is the principle in *flogging an already dead horse?*

I went through hell, trying time after time to save the marriage, only to have it thrown back in my face. I will not spend money out of my pocket to give her what she said she wanted.
If she thinks she screwed up and keeping her options open, she's in for a Hell of a surprise.

*Stalemate*? YOUR life is at a standstill and you cannot

move on.... Till YOU deal with it

I had a similar situation; only he kept disregarding the papers and wouldn't sign them. I finally had to get a divorce by default. My attorney managed to tax him with attorney's fees and court costs. hehe.

You both want a divorce. Just do it. Why prolong the inevitable? Find yourself someone new to share your life with and move on. Unless...you both have doubts and aren't sure that it's what you really want. Have a heart to heart talk and then make the decision.

I am sorry you are dealing with all of this but I have some personal insight and that's all. I'm fema

Sorry having issues posting on here with my iPhone and MacBook. I don't even know if this will show. Sorry.

I think being married all that time creates a bond of sorts,not unlike a habit,like quiting smoking,you know it's bad for ya,yet you still do it,I too am in a situation not unlike yours in many ways,wish I knew perhaps a case of destiny,but you can only find true answer in yourself

I think the mistake here is that you think that this is her problem and you expect her to take care of it. It's not, is your problem. Is your life you should think about and what you do with it. Whatever her reasons are to avoid making the final step is not your concern anymore as long as you are sure that there is no way back.
She took care of her life and got herself whatever she wanted, with or without divorce. Why you're still waiting for her to take care of your life too? Just do it already and put it behind you.
She probably thinks that you're still holding a candle for her so she have no reason to hurry. You - must ask yourself about your reasons.

Is surely not easy, but there is a time when you have to draw the line. I was 10 years in a miserable marriage always breaking up and coming back again, for the kids. After 10 years I just woke up one morning and realize that this is not how I want to spend my life and neither one of us had the strength to break this cycle. So I took the children and moved to another city. In 3 days I had a new job, a new apartment and enlisted the kids to the new school. And that was it. Ironically he died a few months later... and I still feel a bit guilty about that.

Life is unexpected. Break free and make the most of it, don't wait for somebody else to give you permission.

I be more concern about this boyfriend of hers. He drinks, gets into agruement, and gets stoned around your daughter? That is a big no no for me. Even if your daughter is lying about this. I won't take the chance. I would bring it up with my partner about the issue. I have a fair experience with people who get drunk and get into agruements. It can be potentially be dangerous to leave your daughter with someone who is aggressive verbally, especially during there drunk time. Drunk people can turn cold quickly. Doesn't matter if they have no history with aggression.

I grew with a dude that was all chilled and happy go lucky while he was drunk until he turned into a abusive a-hole when I was older. He would threaten to kill me, verbally call me names, and throw stuff at me.

You don't want this to happen to your daughter. There is no predictions what a person will do while drunk. Also, this guy could be a bad influence on your daughter.

I would just get up from my chair and get the papers for her. I won't want to be legally bounded to my ex.

What is she thinking? No one can tell you that but her. Funnily enough, women don't have a hive mind, we can't tell you what each other is thinking without asking, same as you...

We can give you an opinion on her behaviour, but again, its perception and supposition, not a written rule between all women that X=Y.

That said, she sounds like you need to cut her off. She is what I call a "cling-on". If you've moved on and broken up, you don't find reasons to stay in contact beyond what's necessary. My ex is married and has another child, and we don't even TALK despite him having custody of our son. He won't work with me at all to retain a modicum of a relationship so it's easier to communicate about our son.

She won't divorce you as long as this guy comes around, is my reckoning. From what you have said about what your daughter tells you, it doesn't sound all that stable for them anyway. Don't be the fall back. It may well be she thinks that once he's gone, you'll think she's seen the error of her ways and allow her to come back. Keeping you sweet with food and whatever else keeps the door open for her. This is manipulation, and you need to keep that door shut. Hell, get the #ing divorce yourself. Give her the papers and ask her to sign them there and then. Then see what her reaction is.
Go from there. You'll know the second you put the papers down, she was your wife for 20 years...

Sorry for hearing your story.

One hand doesn't clap. She might be in her life crisis and try to seek an outsider who could understand her, listen to her voice, etc. etc.. Before that she might have had given you plenty of hints (ex. mood-swings, irritation,intolerance ...) which indicated that she needed your help; yet, for whatever reasons those didn't draw her ex's attention and care. On the contrary, her ex reflected her actions. It was only the right timing, right place for them to get together.

It appears to me that your ex is still loving you and the family. She regrets for what she's done and has been waiting for your 1st step - approaching her for forgiveness and reconciliation. Maybe she wishes she'd be brave to come forward, beg your forgiveness; or maybe she thinks that she deserve all the outcomes but she couldn't hide of how much she's missing you & your boy. It's a a tug-of-war - an egocentric war.

When one ''revenge'', psychologically s/he is still living in the past as a victim rather than move on literally as what s/he claimed. It's understandable that you hate, detest her to your bones; but have you ever asked your kids what they want & wish?

You’re not only punishing + tormenting her but also yourself together with your innocent kids who might be sandwiched between you both and became your rope during a tug-of-war and messengers.

If you LOVE yourself, your kids truthfully, honestly, make it clear -- loosen your hands to release the rope and thaw the old built-up iceberg or get legal action done.

Good luck!!

originally posted by: DAVID64
a reply to: onehuman

It's a matter of principle. I will be damned if I do it for her. You have no idea how stubborn I can be. I went through hell, trying time after time to save the marriage, only to have it thrown back in my face. I will not spend money out of my pocket to give her what she said she wanted.
If she thinks she screwed up and keeping her options open, she's in for a Hell of a surprise.

That is stupid. You are shooting yourself in the foot .Make it legal and you can stop the insanity, yours and hers.