About Antarctica's Massive Crack

So this mechanic just finished working 6 months in Antarctica, and gets his leave. Arriving in New Zealand, he heads for the nearest pub, looking for a good time.
He's flashing the cash around, buying drinks and shooters for strangers, when a sultry, perfumed and painted lady slides into the stool next to him.
"What's you name stranger?", she asks. "Sparkplug" he says, "because I like getting lit-up".
She volunteers: "They call me Miss Antarctica". "Oh yeah? Why so", asks he?
"It's because of my massive..."
They're interrupted by a grateful stranger: "Thanks fer the beer buddy!!" "No problem."
She takes back in: "They call me Miss Antarctica, because I have a massive
penguin tattoo on my upper thigh. Wanna see?" "Sure" he says.
So as she is seated on a bar stool, she puts a leg up on the cross-peg, to improve the angle, and raises her skirt just above her knee, exposing the bottom of a tattoo and some penguin feet.
"Wanna see his tummy?" asks she. "Sure". She slides up her dress some more.
As he sits there admiring the tattoo, he gauges that the penguins head is really up on the upper-inner thigh.
"Wanna see his mouth?" she asks.
To which he replies: "No thanks. I don't like the smell of fish"...

I was at the pub the other night and found myself chatting to a gorgeous blonde at the bar.

I asked her what her name was, she said "Carmen, cause I like cars and i like men... Whats your name?"

"Beerc*nt"