I don't like myself. Pity party here, enter at your own risk.

originally posted by: deadlyhope
You know, I really don't like me..and the more I learn about me, the more I realize I want to change, the more I wonder how I could change.. The more frustrated I get at myself for not having an answer.

*You must be the change you want to see in the world.* You are the only

person you cant get away from!

How do you go about increasing your intelligence

Its never been easier to educate yourself ..... google is your friend, you dont

even need to go to a library with kindle and e. books.

along with your integrity?

Do unto others as you would they should do unto you, is always a good start.

how do you go about connecting with others when you have no idea how to connect, and always feel inferior to those around you?

You could start by making the first move ....with a smile, a Hello how are you,

can I help you with that. There is never a need for anyone to feel

inferior we are all the same, and those very ones that you consider superior are

probably feeling inferior to you.

How can I go against the norms of culture and be my own person, when I have no blue print or anything to follow?

Make your own blue print ..... be the person *you* want to be.

I'm really irritable lately and I think it's because I'm stuck in a rut. I don't know what I want to do for a hobby, much less a career

Keep trying till you find what you like, you soon wont have a lot of time once

your daughter is a little older!! Getting close to nature can be very therapeutic

gardening, growing fruit veg and flowers especially with a young child to learn

to garden with.

My daughter is growing up, five months now and I feel like less of a father and a man than ever. I just can't figure things out.

^^^^that^^^^ will be so fulfilling, make the most of it 'That is life' you dont get

a rehearsal. LOL!!

Just one example, though. I'll get interested in many, many topics only to find out that there's deal breakers - is there some secret to getting over this? To just deal with the circumstances given you, or change them? I feel powerless against the law and ordinances of the city I wanted to do business in , for instance.

Something I personally go with *Problems are solutions in disguise* think out of

the box, and when you finally get there, boy doesn't it do a lot for your self

esteem! And remember the man who never made a mistake never made

anything....

Chin up all the best.

a reply to: deadlyhope

Hi deadlyhope,
I read this thread yesterday but wanted to spend some time with my reply to you. (Not sure it will help, but definitely sent with good intentions.)

If you have decided you don't like yourself...then there must be certain things about your character that aren't sitting right with you. Your conscience? Are you being hard on yourself for past mistakes? Or are you worrying that now you're a parent...you are also a role model? (and that alone can make anyone feel unworthy.)

Regarding the past, I always remember Maya Angelou's quote: "I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better." Trust me, we can always do better. The only requirement is that you WANT to.

When I became a mother I knew exactly what kind of mother I wanted to be. The one who gave unconditional love, showed affection and respect...let my children be who they were as individuals, and practised what I preached. Good morals were important to me, I don't drink so my kids never saw their mother drunk. I didn't swear in their presence...didn't do drugs...didn't encourage lying, stealing, etc. Honesty was the policy always, because lies create a lack of trust and I would always be less upset with "whatever" if they at least were honest with me.

You should never feel inferior to others. If you only knew how insecure everyone is deep inside, you would realize that the faces scowling at you are only reflecting their own feelings of self doubt. Other peoples' attitudes are nearly always "all about them" and nothing to do with you (unless you have intentionally provoked someone).

It's not difficult to have integrity. It's a matter of not just 'talking the talk', but 'walking the walk'. If you say "don't steal'...then don't steal yourself. (And don't tell your kid not to hit someone, as you're hitting them!!!)
Don't send mixed messages. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
You will experience old things in a new way, when you see them through the eyes of your child. Your intelligence will also expand, as you're now also a teacher who will soon be explaining life to an innocent soul. Your perspective will change and you will grow as a person. If you choose to participate.

It's ALL a choice. It comes down to you.
How prepared are you to become the person who could make you feel proud of yourself? (and like yourself)
When I finally realized that I was the only one in control of me...it became really easy to just be a good person. I treat everyone I meet like an old friend, and I guard my tongue. No knee-jerk emotional reactions to other people's words...I pause to think and process before replying.

Unfortunately as you age, some things that once seemed so attractive can be less appealing and perhaps not feasible. Regarding jobs and hobbies...usually being a father means that work is essential for money...and your own hobbies may be forgotten once your kids are old enough to have costly hobbies/sports of their own.

Some men enjoy fatherhood and involve themselves in their kids' lives as much as possible. Others are jealous of the kids getting all Mom/Wife's attention and time...or that there isn't enough money now for them to do what they like. I chose to put my kids wants/needs ahead of my own, but that is MY nature so it would never have been any other way (and I'm fine with that).

We all have pity parties so no need to apologize. By writing this here I believe that you truly are wanting to make some changes. It's not impossible, my friend. Even if you begin by watching the behaviour of other people that you like/admire...you can think about what it is that you like, and try to adopt that into your own way of being.

Sorry this was longer than I intended. I would also encourage you to try a meditation...even if it's just 5-10 minutes where you close your eyes and try to stop your mind from racing in every direction. I like to hold a crystal in my hand and focus on feeling it get warmer. That helps me to slow down my thoughts and I always feel more calm afterwards.

Wishing you love and encouragement on your journey.
jacy

a reply to: jacygirl

Thank your for your reply.

I think on the note of being a father.. I just have no idea what I'm doing. I feel protective and caring of my daughter but I guess I imagined some type of imprinting process would happen or something, where I'd just feel different as a whole and feel a stronger bond to my daughter than anyone ever. Not to say that I don't feel a strong bond, just to say I wonder if something is wrong with me because I don't feel how I thought I might. Some guys say that happened when they had their first son rather than daughter so who knows....

One of the biggest changes I want to make is financially supporting my family. I'm willing to do what it takes - and right now, that includes swallowing my pride and using food stamps and such. I really want to think it's a benefit that is helping me progress, though, not that I inherently lack the skill or ability to ever get away from receiving welfare. As of now my wife doesn't work because the baby is so young and there are no day cares around here - but I don't ever want her to have to work...not if I can help it.

And that's the thing, sometimes I don't feel I can help it. I've tried my hand at things that could make a dang lot of money and things just don't seem to click. I'm good at computers, okay at programming, but give me a real thing to develop and design and I'm lost from the start even with guidance.

a reply to: deadlyhope

Hi hun...you're welcome.

I think what you're feeling regarding fatherhood is pretty normal.
The woman goes through a huge physical change during pregnancy...a lot of hormones affecting mood and emotions...and a little person that they can eventually FEEL inside their body. Nature kind of preps her for motherhood.

The father is not physically or hormonally affected. He sees his wife changing but can't relate to how she's feeling. Usually when the baby is born...Mom is already feeling connected to baby and feels a huge wave of love when he/she is born. (Some don't though...they don't bond or feel the connection. That's something I can't relate to.)

So this new little person now lives with you and has nothing to offer but crying, messy diapers and some sleepless nights. It takes a lot of loving patience to get to the age when you can have a 'relationship' with baby, but lots of cuddles and involvement in care can help you to feel your own connection.
Some women make the mistake of thinking only THEY can do it properly, and Dad gets told he's incompetent or something...hurting his feelings...squashing his efforts...and eventually causing him to back off. You also need to have involvement in caring for your child so that he/she can get to know you and feel the bond.

I totally relate to the swallowing of pride and food stamps. Definitely not pleasant but sometimes necessary.
If there is no work in your area would you be willing to relocate?
A lot of stress comes with being broke, for sure. Makes it hard to be excited about another mouth to feed when you're struggling. I'm sure that if you start looking on a wider scale (for work)...that members here would reach out with information regarding job & housing in their area.

I apologize for another long reply, but I do care. If you would ever like to talk, just send me a message here.
I really hope things work out for you and your family.
jacy