Empty chairs at the Thanksgiving Table

originally posted by: eluryh22

originally posted by: zosimov
Honestly, you're lucky that everyone is alive and healthy. My family is dwindling fast and I am thankful for everyone in it, regardless of ideology.

Your bro will come around.

In part, that is why I feel bad for my parents. They aren't exactly "spring chickens" and as recently as a few months ago we had a health scare with my Dad. While I do get enjoyment from hosting people in general, it's also not really about me. I can't say how many more Thanksgivings, Christmases, 4th of Julys my folks have left. Such a waste for my brother to segregate himself not just from me, but from his family in the larger sense.

Right. I'm sorry to hear that. I agree that each Thanksgiving, Christmas together etc is limited to a certain number and should not be taken for granted. Which we do, of course.

Best of luck to you and your brother. The cause of the argument is not as important as the resolution.

That is a very odd position to be in; it’s one of the reasons I try not to associate with people who are overly attached to a particular opinion whether I agree with the opinion or not. It is unavoidable that eventually through the sheer nature of individuality you will run afoul of this persons opinion and it will drive a wedge between you and this person. If you don’t associate with these people in the first place than you don’t run that risk.

Of cause when its family it’s not that easy; I guess this year I need to be thankful for the fact that my family DNA doesn’t consist of the “overly attached particular opinions” trait. Around my grandmothers table this year there will be people who supported Hillary and Trump and we all love to argue; and so this year is going to be a lively thanksgiving for sure. But at no time will I be worried that an argument will cross a line – family always comes first and opinions are a distant last place.

So Im sorry to hear stories like yours where families can’t be in the same room because of some opinions that really have no direct bearing on the family itself. I could not function in life that way without my family.

My sister in law and I on the other hand have a different relationship; she does have deep political opinions and that doesn’t lend itself well with my love to argue with people. I often find myself wanting to playing devils advocate with her (even when I agree with her underlining opinion); over the years we have worked out a system, if she starts to get to upset with my opinions she says “ok no politics “ and we change the subject. Perhaps you and your brother need to come to a more formal agreement along these lines.

a reply to: eluryh22

During my time here on ATS I've read "personal" type posts/threads (not too much unlike this one). While it's certainly not a requirement, I always appreciate it when the OP returns to let us know what happened.

Here's my follow-up.

The night before Thanksgiving I sent another text to my brother, letting him know that "turkey time" was about 3:30 but he could definitely come much earlier to catch-up with everyone (and that we'd be playing the parade and Charlie Brown on a loop in the back-ground).

No response.

Thanksgiving morning I sent him a final text essentially saying I was hoping he (and his wife/daughter) could make it but if not.... Wished him a Happy & Healthy Thanksgiving.

He finally responded.... "I'm not going there today."

I was a bit disappointed but was already into my prep work so didn't have time (nor desire) to dwell on it.

Our first Thanksgiving in the new house was absolutely wonderful. Like Norman Rockwell wonderful. Food turned out great. Our 5 year old son was in absolute family-heaven with so many relatives around.

After everything was said and done, and after the house was put back in order (I can't say how much I love having a dish-washer, by the way).... I did what many of us do. I went on social media to see what my friends/colleagues were up to and how their holidays went.

Of course the same photos I posted were the same as everyone else's. Pictures of the decorated house. Pictures of the Turkey and sides. Pictures of kids and crazy-ol' relatives. It's kinda lame and boring but I love seeing that stuff (even though I know people only post the "good" stuff and never people in the midst of heated arguments and things like that... hehehe).

Anyway, even though I wasn't expecting it... I was hoping to see a few photos posted by my brother or his wife, showing that they hade made their own little Thanksgiving. Not necessarily all-out, full fledge Thanksgiving party... but just a little something to break away from my suspicion that he was just sitting there brooding. Unfortunately, nothing.

I'm not sure what everyone's schedule is for Christmas (meaning I don't know whether Eve or Day or maybe the night before Eve will be at our house)..... but.... I'll be inviting him and for everyone's sake.... I hope he accepts the invitation.

Anyway... there you have it.

I have a niece I have to deal with in 2 weeks. She is right and we're all to stupid to see it. I told the wife we will show up late and leave early. I will do my best to keep quiet but!!!!