Is communion mock cannabalism?

Interesting subject
Difficult for any Christians I've ever known to be able to fully explain other than just a "ritual" to signify faith, obedience, etc.
I've never felt comfortable taking communion in any church setting, due to the first time I was offered and the situation that transpired:
I attended church with friends growing up but was never a member of a church regularly or in attendance during a communion. Then I was invited to church with a boyfriend... I was told in the car before going in, by my bf, not to take the cracker and wine when it was passed around. So, I didn't have time to ask questions or get a good explanation, I just declined when the plate was passed around. (and of course has anxiety about why, leading up to and after the fact. Being a 17 year old who typically did things to blend in, especially in formal settings such as church)
So the explanation given to me later, that came from the boyfriends mom, was that only "true" Christians could take the "Lords supper" as it was blasphemy to do so being a non believer.
Never quite got over the judgement from that, but we have been married for 10 years now and do not attend church... Not because we don't believe in God, but because I've never set foot in a church that didn't scream something unholy to my subconscious and make me wanna retreat back to my living room where I can google a sermon and do without the politics of church. Never been able to take communion to this day, even though I've come to consider myself a "true believer"
It's kind of like an "in crowd" I don't desire to be a part of. Anything ritualistic bothers me, I'd rather discuss my thoughts and feelings intellectually rather than channel acceptable for society emotions through ritualistic display. For me, that's basically acting. I am now letting my thoughts fall on memories of seeing worshippers in over the top emotional outbursts that were "led by the spirit" but perhaps I'm just only a believer in things I, myself can physically experience to be real.. my thoughts... For what they're worth.
a reply to: Darkmadness