advice needed...please

Hi everyone. Tonight, I got a telephone call from a young boy I babysit. He was crying on the phone and I asked him wht was wrong? he wouldn't answer me he just kept crying, so I knew right away he was in trouble or hurt.
An hour later my doorbell rang, and there he was standing there full of snow, and no coat, crying, asking me if he could come in. I didn't say yes I just hugged him and took his hand and sat him down. I asked him what was wrong and he put his head down, as if he was afraid to say what it was.
He then told me that his mother, a friend of mine has been molesting him since 3 years now, and that she makes him have you know what with her boyfriends. I was in total shock! She never seemed that type of woman and he never hinted there was a problem at home.
He then told me, his sister who was taken from his mother, was taken by child services because she threatened to kill her.
I knew nothing about this at all, and was at a loss for words to console him as I am trying to take all this information in he has told me, that it left me speechless.
I then called the police. He cried so much his chest was heaving,, he was afraid they would take him away and put him in a foster home. I told the police that he could stay with me but they took him. He grabbed my leg and sobbed for me to stop them. My heart was broken, to see him like that and know these thing have happened to him,my heart is totally broken, that he was treated with such cruelty, that I cried for hours.
I am in need of advice on what to do and what will happen. Will he be taken to a foster home, or if I try would I be able to become his guardian so he can live with me? I do not want him to be with strangers ater all he has been through, and I won't go into detail as it is just heartbreaking. Anyone who knows what happens in this kind of situation when a child is raped and molested, not only by his mother but her boyfriends too, please please tell me what will happen and what I can do to help him?
Thank You

[edit on 25-1-2005 by realorritt]

There is nothing that you can do right now. He is safe with the police and they won't allow anything to happen to him. It is unlikely that they will return him to his mother since the allegations are so serious.

My advice is to wait until the morning and then phone them. They should have a child support department or whatever it is called. Tell them what happened and that you are willing to offer the child a home. However, don't expect them to agree - they may prefer to place him into a safehouse. Remember, you know his mother and the police may not want him in a place where his she could visit.

Thats about all I can say now. The thought of this makes my blood boil. If what he said is true then lets just say that I know a nice slimy mediaeval dungeon full of rats, mould and various implements of torture that would suit his mother and her boyfriends just fine.


Edit: To improve on the torments included within the dungeon




[edit on 25-1-2005 by Pisky]

I understand what you said. It has made me go through every emotion tonight, from disbelief, anger, compassion, wondering,stressed out, I'm worried about him so much pisky. I love this boy, with all my heart. You know, it may sound so weird to you and others, but although I can not understand why people do these things, I can forgive them. But, I am so hurt for him. He must be so scared thinking about what will happen, I know I am. How any mother or father can hurt a child is something I cannot grasp,I just cannot understand it. I am in a shock like state, and will not sleep, but will walk the floors worrying. He is such a good kid, he is just mislead a little. When I saw his face full of tears my heart went in my throat, and I knew he needed love, and someone to talk to. He had snuck out of his home through a window, to get out before it had happened again tonight. Poor thing, he must be so traumatized.

[edit on 25-1-2005 by realorritt]

Originally posted by realorritt
You know, it may sound so weird to you and others, but although I can not understand why people do these things, I can forgive them.

People like you are needed, to pray for their souls after people like me remove them from this plain of existence. There is no correction or penance that can be done for that 'birth giver' to atone, and the boyfriends, well, a rabid animal needs to be put down. The first word for God to a child ......is mother.

The consideration of the family of that child would likely be exhausted before you're even considered. Should he be beyond the 'desirable' adoption age, your chances for legal guardianship are that much the better, since many are only interested in baby adoption.

The solace that you can take away is that they will all be put in prison, where even the dregs of society seek out child molesters to force an 'atonement'.

realorritt you did the right thing, I know at this time you feel so unsure whats happening, but you have to take 1 day at a time, Its lucky that this child was able to come to you and tell you all this, without you to trust who knows what may have happened, what you did was very brave and i admire you so much for saving this child, im sure in years to come he will thank you,

the police may still need to talk to you again so im sure they will keep you updated, please let us know what happens..

Asala

As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse....I can tell you to give this child lots of TLC, let him know that he has done nothing wrong...and is not in any way responsible....my heart breaks for this child and so many others...

Hi. Thank You for being honest. Today he was taken to his grandmothers house, wher he will be staying, his mother is in jail, as is 3 men, but they are now released.
His grandmother phoned me crying, she was over come with such horror, at what he went through for 5 years, that hse ccould barely talk. I asked to speak to J, and when he came to the phone I got so choked up, so I took a deep breath and told him, that none of this was his fault, that he did not do anything wrong, and that his mother loves him, but she has a problem and needs to get help, to be a good mom to him. I"m hoping on that part anyway.
He sounded very happy, and said he was playing with legos, so I told him I would phone him in the morning.
His mother told my friends that I had better watch my back? what does that mean anyway? She told them she hated me, and it broke my heart, because I love her as a friend, and am hoping one day she will understand what she did and why he had to be in a safe place, and that the only reason I did anything was because there is no need to do that to a child, and maybe, someday, we will be friends again and she will be better, with a lot of therapy.
The grandmother is going to fight for legal guardianship she told me, and I hope she is able to raise him, because then we will all know (my friends and myself) that he is in a safe and happy home, without fear.

He is now with is grandmother, and she is a good woman who will teach him the things he needs to know. His mother was taken to jail, along with 3 men. She is still in, but they transported her toa physch unit in the hospital. The men are out, but will be going to court, as the grandmother is pressing charges against all 4 of them.
I talked with him today, and he is in good spirits, and sounded so much better. I talked to him about things he shouldn't be thinking, just in case he was feeling guilty, or upset about his mom being in jail. He loves his grandmom, and i am sure that in time he will heal, and he will visit me every day son again, but in the meantime I will visit him. Whether he will ever pull through this mentally, is a concern to me. He is a tiny boy, aand very kind,so I am hoping for the best outcome for him and I pray he will stay with his grandmom.
Thank You for replying, it was very thoughtful of you.
All my best to you and yours.

Went through this thread. So sad and yet so, glad that he is safe now.

What's bugging me though is how did you end up with -40 on your score ?

Well, when I wanted to post a topic on Ezekiel and America and how they were connected, I did not know how to post a link. I also have a bad habit if I am too tired to type something out I will copy and paste it, but it is what I believe anyway but know that now you cannot do that. I posted an answer to a question about Noah's Ark, a question i can answer, but was too tired to type the entire thing out so I copied and pasted it, as this week has been very stressful, but now know that I can't do that. I have to type it out so I will have to answer a question when I am not tired, so in the future I will not be sorry for what I did, or feel bad as I do for dong so, since it is not fair as I beieve everyone else types their entire answer out. I hope that satisfies you
Also, I am very new to typing and it is a challenge for me to type. But I will learn, and have patience, so thank you for the question it was a fair one and I have answered you truthfully.
LA

I am a police officer of eleven years and you did the right thing.This is one of the worst parts of my job, dealing with dirtballs like this kid's mom and her boyfriends. The good Christian in me wants to slowly torture these people over a long period before killing them. Unfortunately, the professional in me has to show respect for them as well as the victim and let the justice system work. Sometimes the justice system is really screwed up, but it sounds like it is working (albeit slowly) for your little friend. One thing you should pursue is the threats against you from the mom. If they can be verified, she could be facing further felony charges of terroristic threats. Statutes and penalties vary from state to state, but in nebraska where I work she would be facing 3-5 years in the pen for threatening you on top of the other charges. Check with your local district attorney for details. Another thing to think about is the fact that even criminals have a code of conduct and child molestors are one thing they despise. When these clowns get convicted (and they will), I guarantee you that there will be things done to them in state prison which will be far worse than anything they did to their victim(s). E-mail me if you have further questions. Be strong and take it one day at a time.

When I first read this thread I was full of mixed emotions. I was said for what had happened but happy for the outcome.

I agree with everybody else, you did the right thing and I congratulate you for it. It's this kind of thing that makes the world such a sad place, we need people to do something about it.

My advice would be to keep in contact with the child and continue to comfort him. Perhaps the both of you would benefit if you took on a mentor role.

the best place for him now is with professionals who can help him. but visit him as much as you can and love him. if you are of legal age,go to your local foster care agency and do everything in your power to see if he can come into your home when the doctors decide he is ok to go to a home. keep on them and let them see how much you care for his wellbeing and how he reacts to you. don't give up,just try and make as much contact with him as you can and trust that if you can help him,he will be allowed to stay in your home. you have to be viligent with the social service system...stay up their butts until they realize you truly want to help this boy and he feels safe with you. also...try to refrain from wanting to kill his mother(as i am feeling now). good luck and i'll be thinking of you both in my prayers.

Originally posted by realorritt
Hi. Thank You for being honest. Today he was taken to his grandmothers house, wher he will be staying, his mother is in jail, as is 3 men, but they are now released.
His grandmother phoned me crying,....

Here's my concern: as abhorent as it is, molestation is sometimes a learned behavior....people acting out what was perpatrated on them as a child. If your friend the mother endured molestation as a child, the grandmother could be suspect as well. Tears mean lots of things....sometimes remorse for starting such a terrible chain of events.......hopefully that's not the case with grandma, but something to mention to the case worker.

realorrit,

the feelings that you have and the actions that you have taken, all point to being a good and caring person. There are not enough people like you around in the world. Do not stop, do not change. Your friend and you will be in my thoughts.