Collecting my thoughts.

Don't be in a situation that makes you feel like you have to compromise so much of who your are. Sounds like you want freedom and some sort of adventure, challenges in life. If you don't follow what you want, it builds up, and the out come isn't good. You need to ask yourself, where is this going? Could it really last this way? Why am I not happy? Is it something I can change or cannot?

a reply to: Mousygretchen


Oh that is sticky. Do you have any other relatives who might be able to help you with this; this is assuming you are able to drive and not on powerful meds which might affect your motor skills.

a reply to: KTemplar


I'm not sure any of them would take me back now.

a reply to: Mousygretchen


If you don't want to explain that and still need advice you can always pm me. Family is suppose to be your safest group, but I've seen some messed up relationships in my day, so I know it's not always ideal for people.

a reply to: KTemplar


No need to pm :/

My mom blames me for a lot of the things wrong in her life and most of my family is toxic. My dad is just a deadbeat burnout type. She left him for another guy and theyre raising a 10 year old together, my half-sister. Who knows if I would even recognize my bedroom. I haven't communicated with them in like 3 years or something like that.
Plus I think they know embarrassing secrets about me which makes it extra awkward.

a reply to: Mousygretchen

I'm sorry to hear that. My mom did the same to me. My dad was a rock thank god. When I left home (young) I would never go back. Is your relationship with this person you live with nurturing and satisfying, or does it feel controlling and unsatisfying. If you have controlling and unsatisfying get on a housing list and make some friends/new roommate perhaps.

If you are happy otherwise, maybe in time you could persuade this person to get you driving lessons.

a reply to: KTemplar


I'm deluded with the false security of having everything provided for me, "It's all I know". Like i'm stuck in a hole in the ground, but i'm provided with a nice bed and comfortable living conditions, But the prospect of climbing out of this hole seems daunting. The irony is that I feel like I need to rely on another person in order to become self-reliant. Right now, if I were a little bird getting pushed out of my nest, I probably wouldn't make it.

a reply to: Mousygretchen


You need some friends or one true one. I know it's hard if your isolated. Libraries, groups, clubs, try to think up different solutions. Do you have public transportation.

a reply to: KTemplar


Yeah, there's Hampton Roads Transit, the local bus service. They're only like 3.50 per ride, or you buy a month pass for around $30.00. I know, I spend a lot of time contemplating this, trying to figure out solutions. Plus, the people I thought were my friends don't really seem to be.
EDIT:I'm really not trying to be pessimistic, but rather I'm just telling it as it is.

a reply to: Mousygretchen


I get it, just don't give up. You'll find your people eventually

I've spent the majority of my time in my bedroom. Zoning out to television. Imy desk top computer usage was taken away since february. If I had better access to the internet, I could look for a place to live with fewer restrictions to my freedom. I could really surprise some people at how I could turn my life around if I were only given the opportunity.

a reply to: Mousygretchen

I don't have full Internet access In a real way. And I know I can do better than jobs like stocking shelves and bagging groceries. I'm not going to settle for some mundane retail job.
When I go out I go to the market but I don't meet anyone and I don't have any friends here.
I need.some motivation or an incentive in order to be productive. Living with this loser is not even worth it. It's like why even bother. My life has been a consistent series of disappointing boredom and mundane.

You say you need someone to teach you how to be independent in life, but independence involves, well, being independent.

Sometimes you just have to go out there and do it yourself.

You could start small by picking a goal here and there and achieving it. That would get you into a successful mindframe without risking too much.

Or you could just walk out of your current situation and get on with having your life to yourself.

Take it from one who knows, it's tough. You'll face people and situations you never could have imagined. But you'll gain your strength and develop your inner resources.

You can wait your whole life for that special person to come and help you, but what if they don't turn up?

Will you have just sat there watching your life go by? Or will you learn to be that special person and guide and teach yourself?

You'll probably make mistakes, which you'll learn from. You'll probably be lonely, so learn to enjoy your own company.

You want to learn about Astrology? Buy a book. I've got boxes full of them. I probably skipped a few meals to pay for some of them.

You're worth more than being a shelf-stacker? Maybe not at the moment. Get a job stacking shelves and work your way up. You can live a good enough life on a low paid job and welfare payments.

I starved in a bedsit on money from a low paid job and no welfare support

By the time I'd had enough of city life and went to veg-out in the country I was running a small company for an elderly boss who was only to happy for me to take the responsibility.

Work offers you opportunities if you become that worker who's willing to step up and do more. Maybe that's where to look for your mentor but you have to be prepared to offer something. Be worth another person's time and effort.

Hard work and a willingness to learn will get you a long way in life. Positive thinking and a can-do attitude will get you on your road to independence.

Hey

First things first.. realistically look at what you can ACTUALLY do. I dont need to now the problems and all of the reasons or any of that... but you have to firstly look at who you are and what you are capable of in a very harsh realistic way. Sucks, I know... but it will save you even more disappointments and failures if you see things as they actually are before you make any moves on change. You are in the position you are right now for reasons... if you dont want that any longer, you MUST look at the reasons WHY you are where you are in the first place. Save yourself from repeated mistakes.. you get ONE life. Make it count.

Don't reject the idea of working a "mundane" job in retail, or stocking shelves!

From inertia to stardom won't happen. You have to get the ball rolling at first. You have to focus on taking the first steps. A job like that might o the trick. I've gone into jobs I previously thought were "below me" (and that even embarrassed my family). My dad introduced me to his Rotary Club friends saying I was "in the restaurant business" to avoid saying I was a cook. Made it sound like I owned a chain of restaurants or something.

But it was a surprisingly fulfilling job!

I worked in a gas station once.. It was keeping the books, dealing with stock, orders, and billing, that turned me on to the joy of having a commerce of my own, which I left to do! From there, I wanted to expand, and am now in International commerce, which is really awesome (also pays well). I used to wear a hokey uniform, now I wear suit dresses and high heels. I deal with people from all over the world.


You don't know where things will lead you. You never know where or how you'll meet people who will become key contacts and supporters in your future! But it surely won't be in your room in front of the screen!!

Get out there, to start. Take whatever job you can get. Consider it temporary. Start interacting with the world again, and see what else swims by!

originally posted by: Mousygretchen
a reply to: Mousygretchen
I don't have full Internet access In a real way. And I know I can do better than jobs like stocking shelves and bagging groceries. I'm not going to settle for some mundane retail job.
When I go out I go to the market but I don't meet anyone and I don't have any friends here.
I need.some motivation or an incentive in order to be productive. Living with this loser is not even worth it. It's like why even bother. My life has been a consistent series of disappointing boredom and mundane.

I wish I had something profound and inspirational to share with you Mousy, I really do. Your situation seems so sad and it echos in your post.

I will share with you that I've been in what sounds like a similar place often in my life. I'm currently in one now. Change is coming but now that I'm older, I've learned to be smarter and more patient. Biding my time, if you will but careful planning and preparations help to pass the time.

When you do go to the market or wherever you find yourself (out of the house) perhaps try to reach out with your body language, smile and general conversation. You may find people who are similar or a simple connection can be made from a kind gesture and the spark between you will ignite. We never know when those folks (sort of 'our tribe') will make themselves known to us and lifelong friendships can and do develop.

I think sometimes we need to change our perceptions and be determined to search out the positivity in things if possible. I believe this can sometimes translate to our everyday existence and the clouds that have been following us around (clouding our views) can lift away and we are more able to see the light in the world and hope and opportunities that were hidden for so long.

I realize that things may seem hopeless at the moment but I would encourage you to not give up. Most situations in life are temporary and fleeting (the good and bad) and we must remember to learn what we can, leave behind what is not useful and productive and keep reaching.

Good luck to you Mousy!

“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

a reply to: TNMockingbird

Thank you, Chirp. I always try to look at the bright side.

a reply to: Advantage

Thank you for that contribution.