I'm caught in the middle of a really challenging life experience....

I'm just gonna air the water...

I really don't care... I just need some advice from anyone who will listen to my story.

I just CAN'T BELIEVE what happened. This is what actually happened. So please take a moment if you can read it, and then if you can give any sound advice I'd greatly appreciate it...

Okay I was doing pretty well in life this was 5 years ago. My only challenge at the time was I had some serious problems. The tax man was after me. Also I had a major major law suit pending. So I was really stressed. And I had never been through such a chaotic time NOT EVER! So I literally didn't know from one day to the next how to handle all this chaos.

So then to make matters worse I did what at the time seemed like a "kind justure". I had this property, I was living off the rental income. But my parents kept bugging me to sell it to them. Because they knew I had been trying to sell it prior. So here's what I did...

I decided that to sort of give myself some breathing room to take care of my other issues I'd do a deal with my parents. I'd sell them the building at a good price, however, I told them that what we'd do is "split the net income" from the building. That way we'd both benefit. I'd still have an income. And they too would have some extra income and manage it.

So at the time it seemed like a reasonably good idea. So I sold it to them. Then shortly after I went to them and was like "so by the way where's my portion of the net income???" And they basically slowly and very cunningly told me a bunch of lies as to why the building wasn't performing as good as they thought. And how they didn't have any extra income, and that they just barely were able to pay the utilities and mortgage etc etc.

So I told them.... Okay I'll tell you what, I'll give you a few months to figure things out and try get on top of the situation. Meanwhile my legal problems where only getting worse. And only getting more and more stressful. so I had like next to no time to deal with this building delema. I sort of figured that they'd eventually come around and we'd get things back on some normal track.

So my legal problems went on for a few more years. Then they came to an end. So then now they've essentially have sort of come to tell me in no uncertain terms that they're not planning on paying me anything. And my challenge is we only had this as a verbal agreement. Because I was my own parents so I didn't think that I'd ever need anything in writing with them. I mean I didn't think in a million years they'd actually come back and screw me for doing them such a kind justure. Like it's ABSOLUTELY NUTS.

The only thing they did do is allow me to move into their home basically rent free. So I got a free bedroom out of it all. But what just boggles my mind is that like here I am, I'm not a kid anymore. I'm over 40, but yet I'm essencially trapped for the time being in my parents home. Almost like some kind of financial prisoner or something. Like I don't want to take the chance of moving right now and eating up what tiny savings I have left. Not until at least I can get back on my feet again.

What's also very bizzare is that my mother who's actually my step mother, she went ahead and got her daughter working with them on the building. So she's earning an income from it, doing some management duties. Meanwhile I'm totally out in the cold. So now all my legal issues are over with and I'm sort of looking at the situation like "what an awful mistake". Like I mean I never in a million years thought this kind of thing could happen. Mind you it's like a very very expensive learning experience. But meanwhile I've thought at times about getting a lawyer and try to force them into at least meeting some of their obligations. But again my challenge is I really can't afford to do that.

I mean so I just don't know what to do. I mean to overly press the issue could cause my strain on our relationship. And if I did anything drastic they'd most likely kick my out of the house. And any drastic steps might not amount to anything since I don't have anything in writing. So I've been sort of chaulking the situation up as I'm getting paid back a tiny bit each month by them covering my rent so to speak.

But really it's such a backstab and from my own family. Like it's totally disgusting and heartbreaking. Because I just never thought in a million years they'd stup to such a shameful and disgusting moral level.

So my options are somewhat limited. I looked everywhere to see if I could find some scrap of evidence of our agreement but there's none to be found. Maybe other than like affidavits from character witnesses. So there's a few of those I could get. But nothing concrete. I mean one option might be to try and get a mediator in to try and sit them down and talk some sense into them. Like I feel just robbed. As a result I have no income at all. I was thinking starting a small business would be easy again, but it's not that easy. I kinda forgot how long it took me last time to actually get a business off the ground. Took years and a lot of luck on my side. But that business is long gone. I was counting on some of that building income to keep me solid for a while.

I just don't know what to do. I mean I guess it couldn't hurt to try talking to them again but they're not honest people. They've already told me in no uncertain terms that me living here is more than enough. But it's not even close to the agreement we had. I just can't believe this. I just really don't know what I should do? Like should I cut my losses? Or still try and pursue this??? I just can't believe how disgusting people can believe, even your own family. So the only thing I'm trying to do now is scramble around trying to figure out a source of income, but so for it's been very difficult. Like so far no options at all.

What do you make of the situation??? What would you do in this situation??? Or if you were me???

a reply to: bigpatato

First, thanks for sharing. Can't be easy to air your dirty laundry.

My suggestion would be to immediately get out of their house. Your a grown person and need to provide for yourself, I'm assuming no kids correct?

Once that is done and your able to let the situation rest a bit. Bring them to a table and try to hammer this out. If they are, as your claiming, trying to screw you out of this, you may just have to walk away. If there is no evidence of an agreement and it is lawfully their property, you don't have a claim to it unfortunately. I stress that this has to be done when you don't live with them, it distorts the whole issue that your focusing on.

Hopefully will chime in with some more advice. Not trying to sound harsh just real as I've seen and been in a similar situation.

Best of luck.

You set your parents up in the first place.

What sort of deal is you buy my real estate but you only get half of the benefit of owning it. Why should you keep half the rent!

They helped you out by buying the property when you needed to sell.

You call them dishonest and yet you seem OK with secret deals.

Examine your conscious first.

P

a reply to: pheonix358

Okay but the problem is this. Prior to the deal, we sat down and verbally talked this out. Had they said to me "no we're not comfortable with that kind of a 50/50 split. i would have never ever sold them the building. But instead they said "oh ya for sure that's totally fine!" They lied to my face.

So sorry- it hurts worse when family screws you over. You need a game plan. And an attorney-if you are broke then just use legal aid.
You must have some friend etc that can get you a room cheap-anything is better than living with the litigants-and that is all your parents are to you.-lying, thieving people. Their not speaking to you again would be a favor-run, run away.

Worst case, you have no legal standing and you begin again-it's happened to just about everyone-especially after the financial disaster to 2008. You sound like you do have skills-quit wringing your hands and do something-you need an income fast-to eat.

Best case-your attorney finds a way to kick them out-some loop hole-fraud-anything ugly cause that's our way of life. Then you physically and emotionally move on and make good memories and forget these immoral slugs. These are not family-no loss there.

Be sure and take care of yourself through all this. Emotionally as well as physically.

Believe in yourself and find a good support system through all this-I don't mean family-yours is untrustworthy. Try not to play this scenario 24 hours a day in your head-try to fill it with good times and friends. And whatever happens happens.
You are not in control of the outcome and you are not the only one to be screwed over by family or friends that you trusted.
Try to concentrate on your life from this point forward cause that's all that really counts and surround yourself with positive upbeat happy people-you are not alone-let others guide you thru this-most people have had to live through tremendous disappoint-its all how you handle it.
Best wishes-be a survivor not a victim.

I'll refrain from any judgments or moral analyses.

My advice would be, there are two issues, and each needs a different mentality imo.

1) The pragmatic situation from a practical standpoint. For this, I would way bide your time. Put one foot in front of the other, remain as calm and optimistic as possible, and just start putting together - very slowly and carefully - a plan to gradually get back on your feet, and then out of the property you're living in. Once you have a secure source of income, a place of your own, and no more financial or legal entanglements with them, then, if you truly want to, you will be able to deal from a more stable position with re-engaging with them on your disagreements. Come up with a plan and execute it, no matter how long it takes. Make it a project that you adhere to, and become passionate about accomplishing it. Even if takes much longer than you hope. Look forward to your freedom from the situation.

2) The emotional/family issue. This one is trickier. You need to decide what kind of a relationship you want to have with your parents. My parents have done some things that many would consider hard to forgive, but in the end, you only get one set of parents and once that relationship is destroyed, it's gone. So I would carefully consider, once you're in a stable situation on the practical front, whether it might be worth it just to let it go and be at peace with them. Put it in these terms: hopefully many decades from now, but probably sooner than we'd ever like to think, all our parents - of they're not already gone - will be on their death beds. When that happens, in those terrible moments, will this be something you think you'll still be holding on to, or do you think you can forgive and overlook it in order to see them leave this world on good terms with you? Blood is thicker than water and all of that.

That said, you don't want to be taken advantage of either, so you should also - after all is said and done - reassess your choices and learn from them for future reference, as you said. I would advocate showing love and compassion, but also taking some measure of personal protection.

Lastly, take care of yourself, as Justso said. I don't know what your beliefs or practices are, but whatever it is you do to find peace and guidance in your life, throw yourself into it now more than ever. And get lots of sleep, and eat well. You can't afford to get sick right now, and the more rested you are, the more at peace and objective you can be.

I'm sorry you are experiencing such turmoil. Wish I could say or do more.

Peace.

a reply to: bigpatato

Learn from it, this is lesson you are never too old or too young to learn.

My advice would be that you should stop putting trust in other people, anyone will step on you if you let them,yes even family.

a reply to: bigpatato

Ah, stepmothers.


First, I'm sorry you went through this.

I have seen many, many times, stepmothers who take from their spouses children to support their own.

I wouldn't take it to Court as you have nothing in writing. It will only make any kind of relationship with your dad irreparable. Don't worry however, time has a way of balancing things out.

Stay there for now, and take whatever job you can til you can find one that will suit you. Don't give her an excuse to cut you out entirely later on.

Not to mention potentially causing a rift with your dad.

Best wishes for a turn around for you.

a reply to: bigpatato

You have learned a valuale lesson in life -- trust no one least of all yourself .

You put yourself in the position that you are in now by forgetting that you do not have friends in buisness only acquaintances , at least you have free accomadation .

You should milk that for as long as you can , basically make them pay you to move out or stay there till they die , Do not go down the Judge judy route just suck it up and get on with your life it is only money at the end of the day at least you have a roof over your head ,food on the table and are not close to death , tens of millions would love to say that .

www.jobsfed.com...

a reply to: bigpatato

Like others note, it sucks that went through (and are still dealing with) this issue, but as most folks looking in from the outside can tell you, doing business with family, especially relying on them when owed money is involved, is a path better left untraveled.

From the information that you have provided (I'm smart enough to know that a one-sided story isn't the whole story), it does sound like your parents did you wrong. Have you asked them to show you the financials from this building so that they can verify beyond a reasonable doubt that they truly aren't making much from it, like they told you is happening? If not, I'd start there, and do it in a very respectful way.

I don't know in which state you're living, but many (if not all) have laws protecting verbal agreements as being legally binding--the problem is that they're just much harder to prove if there isn't recorded audio of said agreement. That said, there is always the option to take them to small-claims court so that a judge can determine on your behalf if there is anything that is owed to you. Of course, if your parents told you that living in their home rent-free is enough of a payment to satisfy your agreement, and you're willingly living in their home, I would argue that this is tantamount to you conceding that it is, in fact, sufficient compensation, and that would not look good in front of the judge.

But like you're concerned about, going to court over it would probably put a big strain on your relationship (even though there already is one) AND possibly put you with no place to live.

In all honesty, I'm with most people here who are telling you that it's about time to walk away. You may have to set aside your desire to start a business and just find a job that will pay enough to get into a small apartment and away from the daily reminder that your parents seem to have screwed you over. This will allow you to focus on other parts of your life without that lingering in the back (or front) of your mind on a daily basis. To me, this is the best route to take for your own sanity and emotional health, because it seems that living in the same house as your parents is keeping you from moving on.

a reply to: bigpatato

If I were you? I'd set myself up to take some business and legal classes because it sounds like you walked right into all the trouble you're in.

It's worse because it's family, and you feel you're owed something, but no one is going to buy an apartment and then give away half of the income. No one. Do you have this deal signed by your parents and notarized by a lawyer? Selling someone a home where they then have to manage tenants, renovations, upkeep, mortgage, etc. is not a "kind gesture", it's a business transaction. Sounds like, if you were in a bind and way behind and looking to make a deal, they did you the kind gesture in buying the house.

In the future, don't sell your only source of income. It was passive income! Did you need to sell it to avoid having it seized by the courts? If not, then you yourself made a really horrible business decision going into a period of time when you likely couldn't easily obtain another mortgage.

I don't feel like you're giving us the whole story, but take this post as tough love. There's likely nothing you can do about this piece of real estate. Walk away, rebuild your finances and try again.

Are you sure you have no more legal responsibilities to the property? For instance, if someone was injured there or if there was property damage, who would have to pay? Is there a deed?

a reply to: VashTheStampede

Your answer is to blanketly stop trusting people? I don't want to live in your world.

While trust is earned, and sometimes tossed into the garbage disposal, it is essential to trust. Life lessons are learned, born both good and bad, from trust.

no it was a huge learning experience. ya I just got to take things one day at a time right now and try get back on my feet. Maybe see where things are at after that.

Are you in the US?

There are contract laws and elements that need to be fulfilled for a contract to be valid and enforceable: Offer,acceptance, consideration, legality, capacity.

In most states, real estate law is pretty specific. In my state, there's no such ting as an enforceable unwritten contract for a real estate transaction. Anything other than rent for under 30 days is required to be in writing to be enforceable.

There's a deed for the property somewhere. Who's name is on it as the owner? Did it change from you to them? Was that change recorded and filed in the local assessor's office? What conveyance/instrument was used to change it? If someone were to do a title search, would your parents be listed as the owners? Are you SURE?

If you've been duped, you may currently unlawfully be denied the benefits of the property, but still have a large liability hanging over your head. If a lawsuit crops up, no one's going to care what you 'think' the reality is, or what you've been led to believe it is.

There's a lot of open questions I'm unclear about.

You need a lawyer before this becomes a much bigger problem than you're currently considering.

a reply to: yeahright

Exactly!!!

Double post

Walk away.... Far as you can.