Is it possible to earn someone's love?

It's a foreign concept to me to be able to earn someone's love. In my experience, love is always involuntary. I've never been able to choose to love someone. I've never been able to have someone gain my love through their actions. How about you?

I have tried to force myself to love people. I couldn't do it. Have you ever been able to cause yourself to love someone?

This is a very serious issue. If love is always involuntary, those who believe they are "earning" other's love are wasting their time. I have done some research into this topic, there appears to be a lot of people who may be wasting their time trying to "earn" the love of others.

From my point of view love is having connections with another being. 2 parts who can connect on some level as one new whole.

When you look away from the physical then for me it is certain behavior characteristics I love. Actions prove those characteristics. Not having those characteristics is a deal breaker.

Maybe I have changed. When I look back at the souls I have met in my life I notice who I feel for. Some souls I did not pay attention to when they where in my life are the souls I really think today was amazing. Some souls I did pay attention to in my life and they where really amazing.

You are not wasting time being nice to another soul if they are open to a relationship with you. You are wasting your time if they are not open to a relationship with you and are looking for a better catch/situation.

On some level with people who are not energetically aware you can manipulate attraction by just sending out the right energy flow and other peoples bodies will tingle to a degree around the person. It is of course not morally ok to manipulate another soul energy state when you are aware of energetic body states without informing the persons conscious.

originally posted by: Profusion
It's a foreign concept to me to be able to earn someone's love. In my experience, love is always involuntary. I've never been able to choose to love someone. I've never been able to have someone gain my love through their actions. How about you?

I have tried to force myself to love people. I couldn't do it. Have you ever been able to cause yourself to love someone?

This is a very serious issue. If love is always involuntary, those who believe they are "earning" other's love are wasting their time. I have done some research into this topic, there appears to be a lot of people who may be wasting their time trying to "earn" the love of others.

To quote a quote!!

*Respect* is earned .... *Love* is given.

originally posted by: Profusion
It's a foreign concept to me to be able to earn someone's love. In my experience, love is always involuntary. I've never been able to choose to love someone. I've never been able to have someone gain my love through their actions. How about you?

I have tried to force myself to love people. I couldn't do it. Have you ever been able to cause yourself to love someone?

This is a very serious issue. If love is always involuntary, those who believe they are "earning" other's love are wasting their time. I have done some research into this topic, there appears to be a lot of people who may be wasting their time trying to "earn" the love of others.

Love between the sexes just happens... theres no logical explanation of it...

One can spend a lot of time with someone and learn to "love" said person

One can totally dislike someone and suddenly fall in love with them

Attraction is key... the rest relies on interaction

It's funny that you should bring up this discussion. I was reading a random article a couple of weeks ago that spoke of love, and tried to drill it into the reader that love is nothing but a choice.

Because love is a choice, and that choice is all yours

Instead, you can choose to care for someone, and you can choose to let someone into your life who’s able to care for you.

Ask yourself instead if you choose this person to love.

Source

In my experience, however, love is far from a choice.
It forms from connection, from desire... there is no logic to it... I don't understand how one could say that it's a choice.

As for "earning" love.....
I believe that if one feels that they need to "earn" someone's love... that person doesn't deserve the one who's trying.

As much as one may be infatuated with someone, try and gain their attention, to do little things for them to make them "see"... if they have no interest, there is no interest, this one person is wasting their emotion and time on someone who does not matter.

As someone who has been in that position (ahhh the tumultuous teenage years)... it doesn't feel it at the time, but once your head exits the clouds, you come to realise that you're better than that, and you can finally expend your time and energy on those who truly matter.

a reply to: Profusion

there appears to be a lot of people who may be wasting their time trying to "earn" the love of others.

I think we Earn others respect, and demonstrate our love.

If you have to 'earn' it, then it'should not real love. You earn Trust, but true love is an involuntary reaction that occurs over time.

originally posted by: Profusion
It's a foreign concept to me to be able to earn someone's love. In my experience, love is always involuntary. I've never been able to choose to love someone. I've never been able to have someone gain my love through their actions. How about you?

I have tried to force myself to love people. I couldn't do it. Have you ever been able to cause yourself to love someone?

This is a very serious issue. If love is always involuntary, those who believe they are "earning" other's love are wasting their time. I have done some research into this topic, there appears to be a lot of people who may be wasting their time trying to "earn" the love of others.

Some people earning love are wasting their time.
Others trying to earn love are not.

My current (now 4 years) girlfriend I knew I loved right away and moved in with her in under 2 weeks. Crazy right?

Now, my mother broke up with her husband of over 18 years.
The next guy she met is a really great guy but she wasn't trusting at first - mostly because jumping into another serious relationship after the divorce was a big hurdle.

He proved he was a great guy and genuinely cared for her and after some time earned her love.
Now they're married and I've never seen her so happy.

I think you're looking at things too black and white. Maybe you had a bad issue and didn't get what you wanted, who knows but this is way too much of a blanket post.

a reply to: Profusion when my cat was brought to my house...he did not earn my love it was just there...I may have had to earn his trust and commitment but I love him even after he could have killed me about three times now..
the last time was with pressure points in spots on my body...the other two ?three times i'll keep between him and me...
I love my brothers without them earning it cuz it is just there...same with women and other freinds in my family..
trust and respect might have to be earned and love is a natural presence of heart and mind...

my ex kept claiming he loves me yet it was all puff and smoke..it was simply an arrangement of care and (plus also not being alone in public) consideration...for each other and our family...after all we hold joint custudy of my boy..(cat)...so I can't hate them, i just care for their well being and can give what love I know to them freely...if that makes sence?
nice OP!

a reply to: kaelci

That was a really insightful post. I agree with what you wrote completely.

I didn't like the article at all, though. It was just a bunch of opinions stated as facts with an appeal to authority fallacy thrown in as 'support.' I should add that I do like it as far as a devil's advocate position.

originally posted by: OfTheVoid46
I think you're looking at things too black and white. Maybe you had a bad issue and didn't get what you wanted, who knows but this is way too much of a blanket post.

I was only speaking about my own experience, nothing more.

originally posted by: peppycat
nice OP!

That's the highest compliment I could ever get, considering the fact that (I think) I wrote the original post in kind of Peppy-style. I thought that was kind of cool (totally unintentional, I realized it afterward).

Your impact on this forum is far-reaching!

a reply to: Profusion lol! your just like my brother yet nicer...