Feelings about death in general...

I have always felt things very deeply, so when a family member dies, it really effects me. The sorrow is painful and makes me cry. I cry for the memories I shared with that person and know that I can no longer make new ones to share with them. I am comforted by feeling that we are so much more than a physical body and that our life somehow goes on to something better after though.

When someone I love so much passes away, it is like there is hole inside that no one else could ever fill. We are all individuals and deal with things in our own way.

October will make a year since my Mom passed and I can hardly believe it has been that long already. The same with Dad at 9 years!

Maybe some people are stronger and handle things easier. Maybe they are comforted knowing their loved one is in a better place. I don't know.

originally posted by: SomeDumbBroad
I have never felt a whole lot about the subject of death and I was just wondering if anyone else struggles with this problem?

I remember the 1st time I felt uncomfortable about the way I acted when I was a child. My great-grandparents (whom I visited often as a child) passed when I was 10 or so and I remember being confused by why everyone was so sad. They were dead, they clearly felt no pain so why did anyone else feel pain? I was thoroughly perplexed. Several older family members passed and I still felt nothing.
-- snip --

The only reason I "snipped" was to save space. In no way is the rest of what you posted dismissed by me.

I realized later that I'd partially misunderstood before I first replied. That is the reason I am revisiting this discussion.

My hope is that I can possibly help with your concerns.

It can be a transformational moment when one internalizes the fact that self-doubt is almost completely the result of external influences that begin in childhood and are continually reinforced as we mature.

Please don't misunderstand... This isn't meant to say that self-reflection is a Bad thing. For years I've tried to source a quote I'd read and the closest I've come is L. Ron Hubbard. I am positive that he was paraphrasing (& plagiarizing) someone else. The original is, "Only a madman has never doubted his sanity." My gut feeling is that is was Voltaire, but I've never found it in any compilations of his insights.

Unless one finds death & suffering entertaining and enjoyable, worry about what is "normal" shouldn't be something to dwell on.

Just as each of us is a unique individual, each of us will cope with grief and mourning in our own way. Sometimes the behavior of family and friends at a funeral is misunderstood because of medication from their doctor to help get through what can sometimes become a marathon of family and friends and acquaintances that they feel compelled to attend from beginning to end (or as close as they are physically and emotionally capable of doing). What they go through when they are facing reality at home and alone would be something nobody was aware of.

Someone like me has a reaction much like yours to the passing of your great-grandparents. When you hold someone and your memories of them in your heart, in a very real way, they're not completely gone.

"Awareness" for lack of a better word, isn't necessarily a gift (especially for a small child). The first time I realized that "nobody here gets out alive" was an evening when Mom & Dad were having Bible studies with a young missionary couple. I was barely 2 years old...

So... Just a thought from an old man who cares. Regarding your OP? Don't dwell on what is "Normal" and have faith that in those times (and they will come) you will do what is Natural.

All my best,
CornShucker

originally posted by: kosmicjack
a reply to: SomeDumbBroad

Odd question...are you a child of divorce or other childhood trauma?

I know it's a weird question. But I also have experienced what you describe and have tried to make sense of it. It's extremely easy for me to let go, move on. Which is perplexing to me because otherwise I might consider myself an empath. As do others. So...

Im the child of many traumas. lol as morbid as that sounds.

a reply to: SomeDumbBroad

You can let yourself go. It's okay. You can let the feelings flow and nobody will judge you, or if they do, they are beneath your view and purview.

Life is not static. I'm sorry for your loss, and I hope you are also. There is a constant (your uncle) that is not there any more, at least within your scope of awareness. Depending upon your concept of faith, you might see him again.

What seems important to me is that you don't have to hold it all in. You are human. We are allowed to let ourselves out, to express our grief, our angst, our misgivings.

perhaps you think you didn't tell your uncle things that you would have if you'd know he was going to die. That's okay. You could write a letter to him, and burn it at his gravesite. It's all okay. You are not required to feel this way or that, but what is necessary is that you don't supress your feelings because you think you should.

peace

a reply to: argentus

I appreciate it. It isn't voluntary suppression, though. Which is why I am so confused

a reply to: SomeDumbBroad

You feel what you do, nothing wrong with that. Nothing at all. You don't have to conform to what is expected of you. Those expectations don't matter.

What matters is that you are okay. That's it. That's always it.

originally posted by: argentus
a reply to: SomeDumbBroad

You feel what you do, nothing wrong with that. Nothing at all. You don't have to conform to what is expected of you. Those expectations don't matter.

What matters is that you are okay. That's it. That's always it.

I agree. Thank you.

a reply to: SomeDumbBroad

May have been asked already but do you have any pets?

I used to be like this sometimes.

Then one day my dog died. Now I get all quiver lipped hearing of anyones death.
Like something snapped when Daphne died.
I gotta go now.