Alone?

Ever been "alone"? Hey, I have a passport thicker than my wallet (4 inserts). I'm very happily married to the love of my life. However, have you ever been "alone", so far away from everything you know that you're just on your own?

Sometimes you see things which you want to tell people, but it's really hard to explain. You were there in the moment, and even though you may have a picture or sum such, the explanation is just harder and longer than the words to tell it.

You get on the aircraft, you go into that zone (you always go into). Ultimately, you show up in this little part of the World no one ever cared about it seems.

For a moment, everything seems new and different, but it seems within just a couple hours you ask yourself..."crap...I'm ALONE, huh?". And you have to spend the next several days/weeks with this almost 'chrome over gold' indifference to your world and life. You just sort of go along with things and shut out reality for just another bit of time.

Don't want to be there, or do that...but it seems to pay well.

Ever been alone?

Sometimes it SUCKS!!

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

I have often been surrounded by people and felt alone.

I hope things look up for you...sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to make a buck in this world.

a reply to: Metallicus

Sometimes...you ask yourself..."WHY?"

Heck, I remember this time when sisters and brothers used to say "we know exactly where he is" (on a flight profile), but after being on the ground for a few days that enthusiasm would wane. And the next thing you'd know they'd be saying "wonder where he is now?". Then it would just be well wishes...then dwindling off to nothing.

No matter how noble the effort, people just forget. Out of sight; out of mind.

Oh well. And then, after the fact, people always said "we talked about you all the time"...when you were..."over "THERE".

It didn't take much to figure out those words were just a placation in your absence.

"Where were you again????"

(sigh)

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

On only a handful of occasions have I ever had to board a plane for work and to be honest, the trips were short and the people hosting me shared my enjoyment of alcohol so it wasn't too bad (although I have to admit I missed home at every moment).

I'm sure this is NOTHING compared to your travels because it only lasted a few nights but...

Many years ago as I was trying to prove myself I was covering the overnight shifts for the company that I was working for. It was very dull because I was essentially there to sit a few hundred feet underground to take vibration readings every thirty minutes (which meant I had to stay awake).

I was young and only married for a few short years at the time and there was one instant that has always stayed with me (and your OP immediately brought the emotions back to the front of my mind).

It was a Saturday-night-into-Sunday-morning and I was a few hundred feet below Roosevelt Island in NYC. Although I knew I was doing the right thing by working (for the present overtime and for the future), I hated not being home with my wife and drinking and smoking and doing whatever silly things we did back then. After spending X-number of hours underground, at around 2:00AM I climbed the stairs to the surface to have a cigarette.

I will never forget standing there, on the edge of that God forsaken urban island, missing my wife and missing my home and wondering what we would be (what we SHOULD be) doing at this late hour..... then a "party cruise around the city" passed by and I could hear and see all the people dancing and laughing and drinking and doing whatever else.

I was only an hour or so drive from home and my shift would be finished in another 4 or 5 hours... but in that moment, seeing people on that boat, seemingly care free and having the fun I should have been having with my wife AT THAT MOMENT....

I swear... I might as well have been stationed on the moon at that point in time.

I want to say, "Hang in there" or something vague like that.... but there is nothing I can tell you that you don't already know. Hey, at least you've accrued plenty of material to make some nice posts.

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

I prefer being on my own it is a much more peaceful existence in my eyes. Obviously you have to interact sometimes but I would rather be alone, educate myself in whatever im interested in at the time, exercise and indulge in some form of entertainment.

originally posted by: Flyingclaydisk
Ever been "alone"?

Charter flight back from Germany. So few passengers that .. yeah ... I was alone.

But, I sought out this guy named Jim. He kept Beaming at me. And when the plane landed @ JFK I walked off and was greeted by my wife and kids. Life's good like that.

It'll be good for you too ... if you let it.

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

Alone 24/7 and yes want to call someone...who? and tell them of a discovery or just talk about what is going on in the world and there is no one.

Even here often think...who will care.

But you? You have your writing. You have to know how many of us love reading you. How often we relate to you. You have friends here. There is alone...then there is Alone.

a reply to: Snarl Good Ol Jim Beam

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

With internet, cell phones, the opportunities gained by spending time alone are often lost.

I think people should spend time alone.

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

There isn't enough pay to compensate for "alone". I'd rather sip stone soup with the love of my life than separate for "it pays well" and feel alone.

originally posted by: DBCowboy
a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

With internet, cell phones, the opportunities gained by spending time alone are often lost.

I think people should spend time alone.

I think the point may be he has a family he loves and loves him and it make him sad to be without him. Sounds like too much alone time he is not used to.

On the other hand...how great to have a family he loves and thinks of him...just those little thing would work for me.

a reply to: liveandlearn

Maybe being alone helps people recognize the good people that some just take for granted. Not implying that the OP does.

originally posted by: DBCowboy
a reply to: liveandlearn

Maybe being alone helps people recognize the good people that some just take for granted. Not implying that the OP does.

Good observation. And recognizing those people makes you miss them thus you feel more alone.

Then maybe the OP has other reasons.

originally posted by: NewzNose
a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

There isn't enough pay to compensate for "alone". I'd rather sip stone soup with the love of my life than separate for "it pays well" and feel alone.

Everything in moderation. Sometimes a sacrifice now (including but not limited to being separated from our loved ones) can mean a much better life for ourselves and our loved ones.

If taken to an extreme like, say, never seeing one's family, then all the money in the world won't make up for it. However, if taking the hits in present time will allow for a better life (including much more quality time with family) down the road... it's a reasonable judgement call and not always an easy one to make at any specific point in time.

a reply to: eluryh22

Yeah....no...I'll stick with my love and stone soup.

Yeah, I remember the first time I stepped off a plane in SE Asia on a 7 month tour. It was so cool when I woke up the next day; there was a monkey on my balcony and a big yellow parrot in a tree nearby (never saw a giant yellow parrot like that!). I thought, "how cool is this???"

Then I thought, well, only I get to see this. It was before cell phone cameras, so I got out my camera and both the monkey and the parrot were gone...no picture. There were a lot of moments like that...you just had to be there.

And being there alone was fun for a moment, but sharing it with someone else was far more special...if you could.

And so one of my favorite moments was not seeing yellow parrots or monkeys (we saw lots of those), but when I brought my wife overseas to this tiny island and we ate double "beef cheeseburgers" (from a little hawker trailer in the middle of the night) and Nasi Lamak for breakfast wrapped in palm leaves (when my wife thought the little dried fish were hot peppers!). She still remembers that, ... and I'm like, "if you could have only seen the things I've seen!!!"

Sharing is special!

99% of my life. I had a very isolated childhood, on a level most people can't grasp. As I have tried to explain to people here on ATS in the past, no I couldn't go to a library as a kid, because there wasn't one closer than a 3 day long bike ride. No grocery stores near me no shops or places to go of any kind. No siblings, no local children, no parents, only a couple of elderly people who by their own admission were too old to deal with a child.

Learning to share my experiences with others takes constant practice for me. I struggle with a constant internal war of craving interactions with others and self-isolating out of habit. Too much time to think and analyze.

I also have the problem with the fact that I am super shy. So, when I experienced the worst loss in my life, I had zero support outside of ATS. I just find it so difficult to figure out how to change that complete and utter aloneness I got used to as a child. I married, but my husband is a worse loner than I am, only difference is he chooses it, mine is a result of never having learned how to connect with others as a child.

a reply to: calstorm

In almost every respect, I am the exact opposite. I make friends every where I go, but I am ever faithful to my loved ones. So, while I may seem congenial in the moment, I also get to go home and realize my separation. I guess that's the hardest part for me. Everyone thinks..."he totally fits in", but in reality I really don't. I guess I suppress it well.

It's a weirder dichotomy still.

originally posted by: NewzNose
a reply to: eluryh22

Yeah....no...I'll stick with my love and stone soup.

I understand where you're coming from but while "sipping stone soup" is exciting in the beginning... being broke becomes exhausting after many, many years.

One of the elements of the equation that I try to follow is "never sacrifice tomorrow for today." It's okay to tough it out now (in moderation) to provide for a better future for one's self and one's family down the road so everyone can enjoy each other's company in relative creature comfort and relatively stress free (economically at least).