Watch me mommy, watch me. What's going on with the kids??

originally posted by: TerryMcGuire


Now here is a curious notion.
This week my cousin is visiting and along with her, her grandson who is six, and having him around has caused me to think on some things. They are only vague thoughts and I thought I would bring them here and see if any one else has impressions like these.

The best way I can zero in on what I am considering is by citing that old Mad TV recurring character where one of the comedians dresses up like a little spoiled rotten kid called Stuart. In the skits he is constantly demanding attention, always wanting to be watched, to be seen. He does the stupidest little things and pouts and runs off to his room to hide when his mother does not see.

That is this grand-nephew to a tee, yet to single him out only diminishes my query. And I am pretty sure that my close proximity to this child and the nuisance he presents might be all that there is to it, yet still I wonder.

I see this all the time, kids at the pool saying watch me watch me watch me. Just jumping into the water needs an audience. I have seen kids stand at the edge of the pool and wait for some one to see them before making the jump. Or kicking a hacky sack, see me see me. See what I can do.

Now certainly this is probably little more than a child's sense of being at the center of the world, about a child’s need to be part of the whole if not the center of the whole and nothing more. Most likely. But still I wonder.

I know this has been prevalent for most of my life and my life goes back to the pre-TV days. When I was young and in school, when we accomplished something, a skill, or a talent, were singing in the school choir or excelling in studies we were always rewarded with applause and admiration, and this I suppose has always been the case. But now it seems that every little breath, every little dance and mud pie must be praised, well not praised but rather 'witnessed' as if in not being witnessed, it has no value, no reality.

And I am wondering if before the time of TV and movies where everything is witnessed if maybe this need to be seen and applauded all the time might come from the plethora of cameras all around us. I wonder if before this tech, was it so necessary to be seen doing something mundane or did a kid just do it with no need to be seen doing it. And if this might be true, would this not mark a massive change in the nature of how consciousness is developed in recent times. This feeding of the ego?

And I wonder at all the people now who are pining to be actors, to be celebrities, to be stars. At all the people posting on Facebook with pictures of their dinners and selfie after selfie after selfie, and updating them almost daily to keep the world informed of present appearances.

Anyone else wonder about these things?

I think they just want to be somebody and not nobody. Frankly, this is something that all human being want. No one wants to be nobody

Most of us of grandage have either long since gotten used to the fact that we are never going to mean much to anyone (be somebody) and simply accepted or, we get it, at to a greater or lessor extent, either from friends family etc.

a reply to: TerryMcGuire
No, the desire to be "watched" definitely preceded the technology. When I was a child, cameras were used much less. Getting pictures "developed" was a cumbersome and costly affair, so cameras tended to be reserved for holidays and special occasions. I can remember a playmate grumbling to me about his mother; he had asked her to look at him, and she had assured him that she was looking, when she was busy with something else and doing nothing of the kind. It struck a familiar chord. That kind of exchange between parent and child has presumably been happening since time immemorial. I would say that "watch me" is inherent in the nature of children, and modern cameras have only made it easier to indulge an existing need.

No doubt the desire for "fame" is simply an extension of this childhood need, agreed. And surely the desire for fame is as old as history? In classical times, a man deliberately burned down a prestigious temple in the hope of making his name famous for ever (I can't remember what it was). Part of the argument of Cicero's Somnium Scipionis sets out to debunk the importance of fame, on the grounds that everything that happens gets forgotten in the long term.

So I think you are mistaken in supposing that modern technology might have stimulated this attention-seeking. It is simply a tool which has been grasped so eagerly precisely because the need for attention was already powerful.

a reply to: TerryMcGuire

Have been tweaked by this title since it went up.

It reminded me of Dr Murray Banks audio of his after dinner talk [about half jokes & half good psychology] in Phoenix 40+ years ago. He was former head of New York Mental Institute/hospital.

"How To Live With Yourself (Part 1)

minute: 1:38

www.youtube.com...

No matter what a person does . . . there is always a reason behind it. . . . There's no such thing, no matter how peculiar of any human behavior without a reason . . .
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. . . Of course if you ever hope to understand another human being; if you ever hope to influence another human being, you must understand them in terms of his wants. . . .
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[2:39]
Well, what do human beings want? What do you want? What do any of us want?
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Actually, ladies and gentlemen, the whole drama of life springs out of four basic wants--four things that make us all do what we do. Here they are in a nutshell:
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1. I want to live . . . and be healthy . . . forever.
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[3:56]
2. I want a feeling of importance, prestige, power, respect. We all want that. That's why we say "Who do you think you're talking to?" And that's what makes people brag and show off. . . . [4:39] Did you ever see a little boy who goes swimming or skating and he always says "Watch me, mamma, watch me! !!WATCH ME MAMMA!!" The mamma can say--"Ohhhhh you're wonderful, wonderful! And he loves that praise.
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And adults are just the same. Of course, we can't go around saying "EVERYBODY, PLEASE, WATCH ME!" Now we do it with our cars, clothes, furs--Now why does every woman want a fur coat--especially a mink coat. Skunk will keep you just as warm as mink. "Naw naw. I've got to have mink." Now listen, the only one who really needs a mink is a mink. He's got to have it.
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Now just give it a little thought. There's really very little difference between infancy and adults. . . .
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In connection with a feeling of importance, . . .
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I think the good Doc has a lot of great points.
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Personally, I believe that there are two very big factors to what you observe:
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1. We all--to greater or lesser degree--crave--at least tend to enjoy--attention--and some of us like a bottomless pit. There are certainly shy folks who might disagree. However, in their own way--they too desperately need to know that at least SOME ONE--someone else is glad that the shy person breathes air and takes up space.
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2. Those with the more desperate NEED for attention, addiction to attention, OF COURSE, have a very significant to raging degree of RAD--Attachment Disorder. They are the ones who are truly a bottomless pit of desperate !!!!NEED!!!! for attention.
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2.1 So, in this case, what does that mean? The child desperately needs overwhelmingly CONNECTED--EMOTIONALLY CONNECTED AFFIRMATION--PARTICULARLY FROM A HEALTHY DAD--that the child is WORTH breathing air and taking up space. Yes, Mom's love is important, too. But mom's love tends to be there regardless and consequently can be taken a bit for granted. But Dad's is a different quality, flavor. And every child is desperate to get it.
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And WHEN it is NOT THERE or NOT THERE IN SUFFICIENT QUANTITIES AND QUALITIES--THEN that child will grow into an adult literally brain damaged in 2 areas--the areas that control emotional expression and that control relationships. And, the individual will have a kind of PTSD in such regards the rest of their lives until they work it through and successfully rewire their brains.
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That's just a fact. Yes, I often repeat it. I do so, because it's an epidemic problem that needs kept in mind because we ALL run into it day in and day out in our homes, schools, jobs, shopping places. It NEEDS--desperately needs--massive redemptive, corrective attention.
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This book has 10 steps in the back toward overcoming such problems.
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www.amazon.com...=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1465924650&sr=1-1&keywords=DR+SIBCY%2C+DR+CLINTON+AT TACHMENTS
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IT sounds like your cousin's kid is still in the age range where such facts are decided day in and day out.
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WHEN the child gets a SUFFICIENT QUALITY amount of such love and affirmation--then after a suitable amount of attention, the child will be content to occupy themselves without disrupting all those around them !!!DEMANDING!!! CONSTANT ATTENTION, affirmation.
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OF COURSE, many children have to be TAUGHT how to be content in their own skin, playing by themselves etc. And that is trickier with some children than others. But with RAD, they cannot be TAUGHT to be content because the DISCONTENT is soooo raging so furiously so deep in their soul, heart, mind, in their whole being because of such a long chronic lack of SUFFICIENT QUALITY AND QUANTITY of love in toddler-hood--particularly from a healthy and healthily AFFECTIONATE Dad.
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40-45 years or so ago, there was a massive study of all the other studies about child rearing factors. The question was--what child rearing factors contribute to SUCCESS AS ADULTS? Succcess as adults was defined as:
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1. Not on welfare
2. Stable successful marriage
3. Stable job record
4. Not in trouble with the law
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They looked at socio-economic factors; discipline factors of all kinds; heritage; geography; size of town; etc. etc. etc. virtually everything.
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The results shocked them.
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ONE factor accounted for 80% of the variance. i.e. ONE FACTOR 80% determined whether a child would be a successful adult.
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What was that one factor?
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No, it was not whether the child was loved or not.
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It was WHETHER the child FELT LOVED, or not.
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And what contributes to that is DIFFERENT for each child.
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The latch-key kids of the 1970's and 80's now have kids of their own and want to be more involved/present for their kids.

This, in turn, leads to the dreaded "helicopter parent"....

Parents over compensating, trying to give kids what they feel they themselves should have had.

Its. really. that. simple.

Humans are predictable biological machines.

a reply to: MystikMushroom

IF the parents truly GIVE their children quality connectedness with lots of healthy affection . . . well and good.

IF it is all appearance, fluff--and the parent either doesn't manage it or know how to manage doing so--then they can do all the popular 'hoop jumping' they can have energy and time for with little lasting positive impact on the child.

EACH CHILD MUST be connected with at a deep and profoundly emotional level--with whatever affection needs that child wants and can handle.

I've known fathers that have gone to every ball game of their sons. And the sons still had horrible degrees of attachment disorder.

In many cases, the fathers were perfectionistic and ragged on the sons mercilessly at the ball games and elsewhere.

But Dads can even go to the ball games and overtly cheer the sons on without being oppressive or harsh . . . and still miss it.

There MUST be a deeply emotional bonding . . . that endures AT LEAST through age 6-8 . . . though puberty is also a critical stage needing plenty of it.

imho, the child needs it for 18+ years.

a reply to: MystikMushroom

Humans are predictable biological machines?

Perhaps, to a degree.

Though part of me wonders how many humans you have watched how closely.

Certainly, as Dr Banks says, there is no human behavior without a reason.

However, the reasons can be very obscure and the extrapolations off those reasons can be very strange, indeed.

a reply to: BO XIAN
Thank you Bo for the fine information. Almost makes me wish you had opened the thread. There is one more point though that I am intrigued by and that is the scope of need that one seeks to fulfill, and that is why I brought in the concept of the modern media.

Given the points that you and others have added to this thread, I still wonder at this. In old days, wherever, whenever, before the advent of modern entertainment. Not that modern entertainment 'causes' this 'RAD" but rather that it exacerbates it. That we have so become such an entertainment culture that the 'watch me watch me' has turned from the natural tendencies grown out of our normal needs and into a pathological need based on the constant happiness and the constant fulfilled lives portrayed by the entertainment industry. A kind of I cannot be happy as 'me' but only happy as one of 'them', one of the stars, one of the celebrities. And this opens up that chasm you called a bottomless pit of NEED>>>>>. Are we, watching a plague wash over us as a society, a plague of celebrity wannabees.

The second you get on the phone, that's when they need most of your attention, it's normal.

a reply to: Nikola014

Thank you for giving me something to think about, other than politics...

Yeah, that can burn a brain. I'm kind of getting blown out over there too. I'm thinking that I like it over here where there isn't as much fighting and bickering.
Thanks for the thanks. Just remember that over here in the skunk works there is no cut and dried, no final assumptions turned to stone. Over here we're all a drift in a sea of building blocks.